Life Lessons

Get Me A Puppy Pad; Water Is Leaking Out of My Butt

You can say this to your spouse when you have been together for decades

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

My doctor changed my medication to a more potent version. We knew one potential side effect could be explosive diarrhea. Jackpot, I had it.

When I called for the puppy pads, I was empty. I had started the new medication two days prior. There was no more solid poo, but my butt still wanted to leak fluid. Yuck.

After filling and refilling my toilet for two days, I took yet another shower and then headed to bed. As I lay down, I discovered the leaking problem and hastened back to the toilet. I then called my honey. My spouse’s response was to jog to the closet and put a puppy pad on our bed so I could climb in and lie down, which I did.

I made it. The new medication started settling in. My husband made me some soup and hot bread. I ate it, felt better, and went back to sleep. When I woke up, I thanked him, and we laughed at my leaky behind. We could laugh because I had stopped leaking. We had a hardy chuckle, but I did not move the puppy pad… yet.

He said, “You should write about this.”

I said, “Why? Do you think someone needs a ‘your butt is leaking, but it will get better’ testimonial?”

My husband said,” No, but someone needs to know love doesn’t falter just because a loved one requires care.”

“Yes.” I smiled. “You seem to love me even when my behind is disgusting.”

My spouse put a big grin on his face. “I’m older than you. One day, you’ll need to return the favor.”

Then he leaned down, gave me a kiss, turned, and walked away.

Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?” was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.

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