Pumpkins are Calling to Cease and Desist all Squash & Gourd-Shaming
“We are all pretty in our own way.”
Pumpkins have had enough this year and asking everyone to stop the squash-shaming, stating, “You shouldn’t body shame yourself, so why do it to us?”
Each year, thousands of people visit the pumpkin patches as part of agri-tourism, and consumers silently pass judgment on each squash’s color, size, and likeness.
“We hear your comments,” one jack-o-lantern said. “I was cast aside by six potential buys because I was ‘flat on one side.’ I could have said something cruel like, ‘Well, you have one boob bigger than the other, Karen,’ but I kept my mouth shut.”
During the interview, a Knucklehead Pumpkin with some noticeable warts approached and wanted to provide an opinion stating: “Let me get this straight. You’ll watch Dr. Pimple Popper dig an abnormality out of someone’s skin and feel bad for them, but you’re going to cast me aside for being ‘too bumpy?’ These warts make me unique, just like you have freckles or moles. It’s not my fault that I was cross-pollinated.”
Not only are pumpkins upset about the shape-shaming from purchasers, but they are also very upset about how they are wasted each year. According to WasteDive:
As Halloween season comes and goes, millions of pumpkins will find their way to the trash — adding more than 1.3 billion pounds of waste to landfills across the nation.
“We hear lots of humans like to smash us. First of all, it’s uncool. Second, if you’re going to sacrifice us like that, at least put us to use like feed us to the chickens, compost us, or turn us into a pie or soup. Please stop casting us aside like trash.”
Hearing the discontent the local pumpkins are having, other gourds are uniting behind this anti-body shaming effort.
“We are simply bought for our looks and purely for decoration. We are not even being used to our full potential,” a gourd chimed in.
Many may be unaware that gourds can be eaten. They may not be as tasty as their relatives (squashes), but they can be consumed.
Needless to say, pumpkins and gourds are fed up with negative criticism (and waste) by consumers ending the interview, “Now we know what Christmas trees feel like.”
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