Puberty With Two Teenagers
It’s a cliché that every parent with teenagers is going into the puberty phase.
I have two teenagers. One of them is 12 years old and she is going to high school now. But she is also an adolescent. With lots of characteristics of puberty. Sometimes she doesn’t listen to my partner or me. She ignores us completely if we want to correct her. Also, that is what puberty makes her. It is not really correct to say she totally ignores us, but a lot of times she does. She is also finding her voice in life, what she likes and what possibilities she has.
They are growing
For a few months, my second daughter is a teenager too. She became 10 years old. I now see how she grows and oh so fast. It’s not only in her character and in her confidence, but also how tall she becomes. She becomes more secure about herself as a person. Last few months she followed a training to become more confident about herself or say no to her others if she doesn’t want to do anything for them. She had a boy in her class who bullied her (now she stands up for herself). This is such a big step for her.
It is beautiful to see how both they are growing and how they go through their life.
The oldest is getting her taste with clothes. The middle daughter is getting that as well. My middle daughter is still wearing clothes from her oldest. She needs to learn to say no if she doesn’t want to when her sister gives her clothes.
The character my oldest gets when she is (almost) an adolescent is difficult to get through, but most of the time it will be fine in the end. You have to learn how to cope with these characteristics. Every child is different. And every situation is different. You have to teach your child why she or he shouldn’t do certain things and when people will be hurt. You cannot only say no. You have to tell them why you said no. There are moments you also have to say yes in some situations.
Children don’t always see the consequences of their actions
In this phase of the puberty, the adolescent doesn’t know the consequences of the actions they took. As a parent, you have to teach them — in parts — what the consequences are from their actions. It doesn’t have to go by the hand with a bad situation, but also what happens when they found out the longest bus route to school. When there are three more options.
Of course, in puberty, there will happen bad things too. When that happens, you have to oversee the situation first. Always think first what your opinion is. But don’t say that first to your child. There could be a moment you can’t oversee the situation. Then you should take a deep breath. Count to ten and breath. Then ask questions to your teenager what happened, why he or she did what he or she did and who was involved. When it is not your child’s fault, then talk to the other parents too. You have to find a solution to what happened. Don’t take for granted what happened.
There aren’t only bad things that happen if you wonder, but there are good things happening more often, I can assure you. I appreciate these things a lot. These are so precious. I try to remember them all. I know that is not really possible. But trying isn’t bad, right! I also ask my child why she does what she does. And she takes decisions not only in bad situations but also in good situations. Like the way, she packs her suitcase for holidays. Not always well packed, but you know, she did it herself.
This phase is really changeling. Not only for me but also for most parents, it is difficult to handle some situations. When you don’t agree together — as parents, adolescents exactly know who to talk to when they want to get something they really want to. Always say, when there are big decisions, you are talking to the other parent too. You always need to agree together.
Teaching your teenager to do things by herself
It is not only about going out with friends but also packing her suitcase for holidays. As a parent, you can help with that, but teenagers are able to that by themselves. You can assist by telling her what weather it will be, how you could pack a suitcase so you can pack more.
Also, this is with making homework too. When she has homework to do with a group, they have tasks to do, every group member. But when one group member doesn’t do anything about this project, then your child has to do everything. When one of the group members needs something to print for the project but doesn’t have a printer to do that, then your child has to do it. But what happened when your child’s friend send her the file at the very last minute? Yes, then your child is going to stress out. And it is not only she that stresses out, but also you, the parent.
In these situations, you have to comfort her. You also have to explain that it’s not her fault if she gets a bad mark. She finished everything on time and her friend didn’t. You also have to explain that your child doesn’t need to print the file for her friend to get a good mark, even when her friend doesn’t have a printer. Her friend needs to have all the materials on time. Your child doesn’t need to worry about that. Even, if she pities for her friend.
In every situation, good and bad, you have to ask your child the right question to guide him or her to the best possible life road.
Now, I have two teenagers. That is an experience itself. I mean, you have to raise the child with the same values, but also with the needs of the teenager. Because they all are very different.
Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper, Medium.com. Agnes lives in Bunnik, The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram.
Writing is her passion since childhood. Never had she ever done anything with it until a few months back.
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