Psychology Says, “To Know Is Literally to Love”

Familiarity is an inevitability.

Think of something that you really like, love even.

Maybe it’s camping, coffee, or that hit song on the radio.

Did you always love it?

The answer is likely no. In fact, some of the most beloved aspects of your life could be things that you absolutely hated at first.

Take that hit song on the radio. The first few times you listen to it, your reaction could be very “meh”. But over time, it grows on you.

Why is this?

The answer is a psychological phenomenon known as the mere-exposure effect. In short, the more familiar we become with something the more we like it.

We like what we know and fear what we don’t

As an evolutionary survival technique, our ancestors stuck to what they knew was safe. Knowing what fruit to eat or what cave to sleep in kept them safe from becoming sick or walking into the bellies of beasts.

Fast-forward to modern day and we continue these survival-based habits. We listen to the same songs on repeat, grow an affinity towards familiar foods, and like activities and people more over time.

Think of the classic story of two best friends despising each other when they first met. This is very common as we are naturally programmed to be be weary of unfamiliarity.

“We fear what we don’t understand.” — Andrew Smith

The mere-exposure effect is survival-based, which means it is also based in fear. Surviving is not living but rather fearing death to avoid it.

The same can be said for how we live our lives, today. For example, we get anxious when picking out a new movie to watch while watching something familiar gives us a sense of comfort.

Getting out of our comfort zone is so difficult because we are programmed to fear what is unfamiliar. Even intuition can be heavily influenced by familiarity and cloud our judgement.

How to use the mere-exposure effect in modern day

The mere-exposure effect is responsible for enemies turned besties, your lack of musical diversity, and why picking a movie to watch is such an emotional roller-coaster.

It also quietly influences who, how, and what we like. It has been used in marketing for decades to softly manipulate our taste. It is the basis of targeted ads and how the Kardashians became the Kardashians.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try try again” — Robert Bruce

At some point in your life, you’ve likely switched on your television or picked up your phone and asked yourself, “Why is this person famous?”

The simple answer is persistence.

Tik Tok has ingeniously used the mere-exposure effect to boost engagement by promoting posts that can contain ‘trending sounds’. Regardless of the video content, a familiar melody creates a sense of well… familiarity, and attracts more eyeballs.

Here is how the mere-exposure effect is used in modern day:

1. Building relationships

Knowing that we like what we know and fear what we don’t is the basis of all human interaction. If you walk into a room and feel like you’re being judged it’s because you are. Remember that these judgements are not personal and have everything to do with those doing the judging. It’s embedded in our psychology to compare what we see with what we know.

It’s helpful to remember that people are predisposed to like you the longer they spend with you. Winston from “New Girl” calls this the “Joe Biden”

2. Website design

Why is it that some websites look sketchy while others gleam trustworthiness? There is no rulebook on website design but “professional” follows a formula: logo on the left, search bar of the right, additional links at the bottom, etc. When we open up a link or click on an ad, we are greeted either with what we know and trust or something new and unfamiliar. Mimicking trusted brands and websites is a key method ‘dropshippers’ use to gain social proof.

3. Social proof

Some people are flat-out likeable and viewers can’t get enough of their content. Others, have to work at it. You’ve probably encountered someone’s social profile that makes you cringe. That is, until you see their follower count and wonder, “Am I missing something?” Social proof is the concept of being liked or trusted by association. Many people model their behaviour after others as a shortcut to familiarity. This could be through design, content, or even personality. If you’ve ever wondered why many influencers seem to produce the same content it’s because it’s been proven to work.

4. Advertising

Televised sporting events are notorious for bombarding viewers with the same advertisements over and over again. Knowing that they have a committed audience, companies pay big bucks to persistently promote their brands. Plastering their logo across equipment, arenas, and bringing everything “to you” acts as rapid-fire exposure. By the end of the event, viewers feel like they know the brand.

Free trials and money-back guarantees are other quick ways to create familiarity with consumers. Most people are not likely to return a product after becoming familiar with it.

5. Building habits

Hitting the gym for the first time is death, as is cutting delicious sugars and gluten out of your diet. Over time, though, you adapt to these new habits and grow to like them. Coffee, for example is not an acquired taste but rather one acquired over time.

It’s helpful to remember that not only do habits get easier with time but we are predisposed to like them the more we do them. Building better habits is not a matter of learning to like something but allowing time to do so.

To know is literally to love

We like to think of our preferences as deeply personal. Although our experiences are personal, a lot of what we like is merely due to exposure.

Knowing that we are predisposed to stick to what we know explains why we love routines, find it difficult to takes chances, and stick to the same playlists for decades.

Understanding the mere-exposure effect is empowering because it reminds us that psychology is on our side. We naturally become fonder of things over time. This means people, places, and new habits.

In this sense, to know is to love, it’s just a matter of time.

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