How to Build Better Habits
Using the Stutter-Step Method
By nature, we are all addicts.
Whether it’s social media, exercise, or caffeine, we all overdo what makes us feel good. Our brains are wired to love habits as, in the past, they kept us safe.
Because of this, habits are naturally difficult to break — even the bad ones.
Positive habits are great. They offer structure, security, and contribution to personal growth. Conversely, negative habits are hollow, superficial, and can lead us down dark paths.
Throughout my life, I’ve found it difficult to undo negative habits. The only way I’ve been able to undo one habit is by replacing it with another. But what if you want to strip away a negative habit, altogether?
Use screen time for example
During the pandemic, I’ve found it increasingly more difficult to leave my phone alone. It’s always just lingering nearby, taunting me. So, how do I stop looking at my phone?
There are many ways to redirect a habit:
- Abstinence — going “cold turkey”
- Tricking yourself into moderation — using a reward system
- Redirecting negative habits — to positive ones
- Forcing accountability — seeking help or casually mentioning that you’re trying to stop “X, Y, Z”
- Will power — “I will not, under any circumstance, do such-and-such” (even if it makes me miserable to be around)
Although these methods work, they are time-consuming and require conscious thought. This is problematic because habits are built on automatic, unconscious actions.
Have you ever told yourself you will not do something only to flash forward to yourself doing that very thing? Habits are so hard to break because we don’t realize what we are doing until it’s too late.
Think of a habit as a train. “Choo-choo!”
What do you do if you are heading in the wrong direction?
Stopping a train is difficult. “Screech!”
You can redirect its course, but that takes time and planning. “Ding-ding!”
Plus, you might not even have the tracks necessary to get to your destination.
This is the dilemma with the methods above. Much like a train on a track, redirecting habits only allow you to move forward and backward. What we want is the ultimate freedom, to remove the tracks altogether.
Hold on to that train of thought.
When we remove one habit without replacing it with another, our brains panic. We associate familiarity with safety, so the lack of a habit makes us feel unsafe.
When trying to abstain from doom-scrolling, for example, you may feel fidgety, anxious, and as if your hands are empty.
“When jumping from one ledge to another, there is always an opportunity to fall.”
It’s important to embrace these feelings because they are exactly what will allow you to remove the tracks and carve your own path.
Introducing: The Stutter-Step Method
A “stutter-step” is what I call that uncomfortable, glitchy feeling that comes along with reprogramming your mind.
For example:
You’ve set your intentions — You will only check your phone if you have good reason to.
Then, with no good reason, you reach for your phone:
“Ugh, I feel anxious, I better pick up my phone.” — Your hands
“Hey, what’re you doing, stop that!” — Your brain
“Oh, shoot, right.” — Your hands
This is a stutter-step.
At this moment, your conscious mind has caught yourself in unconscious action. Your hands are accustomed to picking up your phone in this situation, but your brain knows better.
It’s within these glitchy moments of clarity that habits can be undone.
Stutter steps exist in the space between conscious thought and unconscious action. They are minor glitches of clarity where you realize where you are and what you’re doing.
Using the Stutter-Step Method
It’s important to stay with these feelings, as your mind will naturally want to pick a side. Instead of picking up your phone or putting it down, stay with the uncomfortable, glitchy feeling.
What you want to do now is count to ten stutter-steps. By the count of ten, something amazing will happen. The pull to decide will weaken. As this pull weakens, you will become an observer of the situation as opposed to a participant. Redirecting your focus to the present moment gives you time to realize what you are doing.
You don’t have to decide to dishonor your intentions or abstain from using your device. You can sit safely in the middle for as long as you need to make an informed decision. It’s the same concept as waiting fifteen minutes after eating before going back for seconds. It gives your brain time to catch up to your body — in this case, your hands.
To wrap up and summarize:
- Our brains love patterns
- Habits feed on unconscious action
- Stutter steps are moments of clarity
- Embrace them to buy yourself time
- Count to ten
- Take control of your life
Habits are a part of life, but not all habits need to be a part of your life. Use the Stutter-Step Method to do away with one habit before jumping to the next.
