“Prove It to Me”: Why You Don’t Need to Prove Anything to Anyone But Yourself

My life improved when I learned to accept myself for who I am.

When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time trying to prove myself to others. I wanted them to see me as smart, talented, and worthy. I would do anything to get their approval. And you know what? It was exhausting.

I was always worried about what other people thought of me, and it prevented me from being my authentic self. Thankfully, I eventually realized that I didn’t need anyone’s approval but my own.

When I started focusing on self-love and confidence, everything in my life improved, but let me tell you how I got there.

“Everything will line up perfectly when knowing and living the truth becomes more important than proving anything to anyone.”

— Alan Cohen

Stretching Myself Too Thin

In my early twenties, I owned a credit research business. It involved a lot of driving, often 1,000 miles a week or more. When I returned home each night, there was still a lot of work to do, both in compiling and sending information to the companies who bought my information.

At the same time, I spent two or three days a week in volunteer work and insisted on attending every social event. I felt I had to prove to the world how unstoppable I was, so I usually ignored sleep and healthy eating.

The desire to prove myself to others kept pushing me no matter how tired I felt. I thought that if I could do things they couldn’t, then they would finally see me as someone worth liking.

Each day, I pushed myself harder, determined to show the world how awesome I was inside. Almost every dollar I earned I spent on treating my friends to meals and movie tickets.

But it didn’t make me feel better.

Waking Up

All the pushing and showy generosity only made me feel worse. I was anxious and stressed all the time and rarely enjoyed time with friends because my mind was full of all the things I needed to do.

The more I tried to prove myself, the more things seemed to fall apart. My mental health was going downhill fast, like a ten-speed bike without brakes running down a mountainside. My world was crumbling, and I didn’t even realize it.

I was so focused on what other people thought of me that I lost sight of who I was. I was ashamed of my mental illness and felt like I had to hide it from everyone. To me, keeping up the facade was the only thing that mattered.

And then I crashed.

My endeavors to prove myself a superhero led to a very public crash and hospital stay. As devastating as it was, it finally woke me up as to what I was doing.

Changing for the Better

If you’re spending too much time worrying about what other people think, it’s time to make a change. Here are some suggestions for how you can focus on what’s important in your life:

Determine what’s truly important to you. What do you want to achieve? What makes you happy? When you know what matters to you, it’ll be easier to focus on being yourself and to let go of the need to prove yourself to others.

Stop comparing yourself to others. We all have our own unique talents and gifts, so there’s no reason to compare yourself to others. Instead, focus on developing your own skills and using them to achieve your goals.

Practice self-love and self-acceptance. Accepting yourself for who you are is one of the most remarkable things you can do. When you love and accept yourself, you’ll be more confident and will feel better about yourself. The opinions of others will have far less power over you.

Don’t be like me. Don’t wait until you crash before you change. After my hospital stay, when I recovered from the worst of it, I discovered an amazing truth: none of it mattered. The constant running, flashing money, and showing up everywhere didn’t matter to anyone but me.

Recognizing Love

The people who loved me never cared about how things looked. They never loved me because I had money, owned a business, or showed up for every party. All the pressures were things I created in my mind.

The lightbulb finally came on and I realized that trying to prove myself wasn’t worth the cost. It was damaging my mental health and making me miserable.

So now, I’m learning to love myself for who I am, mental illness and all. And instead of trying to prove myself to others, I’m focusing on being true to myself. Some days it’s ridiculously hard, but as I grow as a person, all the effort is worth it.

It’s time to stop worrying about what other people think and start living your truth. Everything will line up when knowing and living authentically becomes more important than proving anything to anyone.

The people who love you will be there no matter what.

Have you learned to love and accept yourself? How did you get there? Please share your experiences in the comments.

Take Time to Write

Grab your journal and spend some time with these writing prompts.

Journal Prompt: Do you do things just to prove to others what you are? What are those things, and how can you stop?

Creative Writing Prompt: Begin a story with a character saying, “It doesn’t matter what you think.” They can say it in anger, as a dismissal, or using any other emotion that inspires you.

Until next time, keep fighting.

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