Protect Yourself From Their Mental Storms

Keep your peace and share some too

Know Thyself, Heal Thyself Monday Prompt — Don’t let people pull you into their storm, pull them into your peace

Who is it that swirls into your life and attempts to entangle you into the wicked storms that are brewing inside of them? Is it a co-worker, a friend, a neighbor, or even your own spouse or children?

Weathering Unnecessary Storms

I have someone in my life that often calls with “emergencies” that are reportedly ranked as a 90 on a 10 point scale. Every type of solution that I suggest, every idea I have to calm the situation, brings us to another issue or right back to one of the issues that we already dismissed as a non-issue with the “emergency” at hand. In reality, some of these storms wouldn’t even rate higher than a 1 on the scale for urgency or impact.

These storms are generally fueled by fear and anxiety. When someone finds themselves in a situation that seems out of control they can fixate on an issue and it gets blown out of proportion. All of a sudden they can be irrationally entertaining every what-if under the sun with no solution on the horizon.

It is easy for me to get wrapped up in the mess. There is typically a loop that is not defined by logic. I can get caught up following someone mentally round and round until I am just as wound up in the “emergency” as they are. By then, I may not even understand what the real problem is. It is like trying to save a drowning person — in their panic, they may pull us under with them.

Being the Eye of the Storm

A better alternative is to recognize the storm as it rolls in. Identify the problem, analyze it quickly, and then decide on the most appropriate response. I have realized the calls I need to look out for are the ones that come well before working hours. The issue is usually something that has been ruminating overnight. Using the time of the call as a signal, I will be better equipped to slow the damaging effects of the storm rather than feed into it.

When we find ourselves in this situation we have to ask: Can we help them find peace or share some of ours? I have found:

• Sometimes it is best to just listen. Let them talk their way into their own peace right next to mine. Just verbalizing the issue clarifies it and allows them to find the peace they actually want.
• Sometimes it is best to offer insight — a clear definition of the problem and a solid solution or a choice of solutions. This adds perspective and a way out of the problem loop.
• Sometimes it is best to offer encouraging words. This is not a solution but it allows them to step into my peace until they work through the issue and create their own peace. Share an affirmation.
• Sometimes we just need to back away for the moment. Sometimes we have to be ok letting them weather the storm a bit. They may need a little more time in the storm before they can come out seeing more clearly.

The Aftermath

It can get exhausting to go through this time after time. When someone in my life opens the flood gates of a problem on me, whether I helped them solve it or stepped away, I almost always make sure to circle back around to discuss how and why they ended up so stuck. I often bring it up lightheartedly later to help them see that they were issuing a flood warning for a drizzle.

After the storm is over, I explain my thought process and my approach if it helped to calm them. We talk about how the problem wasn’t really the problem. It was their reaction that blew everything out of proportion. I have this conversation hoping that it can help them understand and apply such strategies on their own in the future. (Maybe without even attempting to pull me into it!)

Just today, I actually said to someone: You really scare me sometimes. I was worried that you were going to have a heart attack over one little scheduling issue. Pleeeaaase stay calm with me next time. That level of stress is not healthy for us at our age! Whew…you just took a few years off both of our lives with that one. All we really had to do was send an email. Oh, brother…you’re trying to kill us.

Reflection

My suggestions here come from my better days. There have been other days where I have not been as successful in navigating these storms. I have been sucked in at times. I have been in situations where I frantically tried to give logical explanations to illogical fears round and round in a funnel that was draining the energy out of both of us.

Sometimes I didn’t come up with a better solution until after I stepped back. Hindsight is a great tool for reflection to make sure that the same problem isn’t replicated and that problems are not approached in the same frantic way over and over again. It is important to reflect after an interaction drains us so that we can protect our peace in the future.

I try to remember that if I keep my peace and share it with others. Then it is more likely they will be able to do the same for themselves and for others in the future. The world is better with more peace!

Final Thoughts

If we get better with our storm-tracking senses we can identify, assess, and proceed accordingly to save our own peace and maybe even share some. We can bring someone else in out of the bad weather, under our umbrella, where there is more peace.

Balancing self-perseverance and helpfulness toward others is evidence of our work and progress! One little shift can bring us right back into a storm! Keep your balance, keep your peace.

Thanks for reading! Just writing and remembering the details of the frantic interactions in this story stir up a little storm of anxiety in my heart. Heartmath to the rescue — and a return to peace. I am sending peace vibes your way too! Thanks, 𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢 𝘊. for the Monday prompt: Don’t let people pull you into their storm, pull them into your peace.