Proper Handling of a Dead Medium Article
Every article deserves a proper resting place
Thank you all for joining me today in remembrance of my beloved Medium article that has met its untimely demise. I have such fond memories of writing you, dead article. Both laughing at my own jokes and cringing at my own awkwardness. But now, a silence has settled over you. It turns out, no one came calling when you gasped for air and now you lay lifeless and unnoticed on my Medium homepage.
It’s ok, my friend. I will make sure you are properly taken care of. After all, we really bonded during my “wine and rehash the past” writing session.
We’ve all been there. Well, maybe not Tim Denning. So, ok, a lot of us have been there. Crafted the perfect article. Laughed, cried, did a happy dance, then hit “publish” waiting for your round of applause.
Only it doesn’t come. No claps. No “Great article. Follow back?” Nothing but the sound of your tears hitting your phone screen.
Such is the life of a blogger on Medium. Dry those tears fellow writer, there’s work to be done!
Here are some options on how to handle a dead story on Medium
- Cremation
Convince yourself it was a practice run. You caught your followers on a bad day. The world wasn’t ready for your elegantly crafted article titled Why Mattresses Should Be Made of Gouda Cheese despite your iron-clad arguments. Tell yourself what you must then burn that body like it’s your 3rd-grade love letter to Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
No one leaves an empty body on full display! Cremate your dead article by hitting “delete” and letting it go up in smoke to blogger heaven.
(I advise against this but it’s always an option!)
2. Bury the Body
If the sight of a lifeless article on your page is giving you the heebie jeebies-bury it! Write a bunch of articles so it gets deeper and deeper underground. Maybe the worms will enjoy hearing about your experiences sleeping on your slightly greasy, slightly smelly mattress of Gouda cheese.
3. Grab the Defibrillator and Bring it Back to Life
On second thought, maybe you should rework that title. Gouda Cheese is oddly specific. It'll attract more cheese lovers if you just put “Cheese Makes For a Great Soft Mattress”.
Or even better, add different cheeses for different mattress preferences. Gouda for the lovers of a semi-firm mattress, and brie for the comforts of a soft mattress. Now, you’re onto something.
Be sure to check that the article does not have a “Do Not Resuscitate” request. By that I mean, if you’ve reread your “ode to cheese mattresses” article, and realize it stinks, maybe it prefers to sleep with the fishes.
4. Choose a suitable resting place
Why leave your buried article in an unmarked grave? If you self-publish and no one has seen the article, maybe it’s time to find it the proper publication so it has a better resting place with more of a possibility of resurrection.
*Be sure to check publication submission rules. Many publications want unpublished stories only.
5. Unsure if it’s really dead? Check for a pulse.
Always check for a pulse before the burial. We’ve all read the horror stories of people coming back to life in the funeral home. Turns out Great Aunt Agnes is one hell of a deep sleeper (I wonder what kind of cheese her mattress is made of).
By “check for pulse” I mean take a look at your stats. Maybe your article has a lot of read time but people didn’t have much to say. Your reasoning for why everyone should have a mattress of cheese had such good points, no one can argue. That doesn’t mean they didn’t read it.
It doesn’t mean readers are against the idea of a mattress that doubles as a midnight snack. Perhaps they didn’t have time to respond because they were too busy emptying the contents of their cheese drawer onto their bedframe.
6. Have an Autopsy
Call the coroner and crack that bad boy open. Meaning, have someone whose opinion you trust go over your dead article and give honest feedback.
The coroner aka your feedback buddy might tell you the problem of your article is a bad heart and thus the entire body is useless. You might have chosen a topic that just isn’t great. The world might not be ready for a cheese bed even if you enjoyed yours for weeks before the neighbors complained about the smell.
*In my opinion, if you think an article is worth writing, it’s never a “bad” topic.
7. Have an open casket at calling hours
Pin the story to your homepage so your followers will be forced to look at the cold dead headline whenever they stop by to read your other articles: “What Your Cheese Preference Says About You as a Human” and “Talk Cheesy to Me: Using Cheese as Foreplay. This lets your followers know it’s important to you and worth giving a read.
A dead article is a sad event but not one that should deter you from blogging. Write what you want to write. Write what makes you happy, even if it’s cheesy.
More by author:
