Preparing for Rapturous End Times with Quirky Fundraisers

And building a stairway to heaven

Regular readers know that I have found astounding information and unusual money-raising schemes on sites like GoFundMe.com. My last article was on UFO-related fundraisers. Today I’ve got four more and this time they have a religious theme. The fringes of religious belief provide a rich source for peculiar ideas.

#1: Post-rapture estate planning

Before I describe the first one, I should explain the Rapture — a concept held by some fundamentalist Christian sects. The Rapture is said to be a time in which dead Christian believers will be resurrected in their bodies, and living ones will literally rise into the air to meet their savior. In other words, it has both zombies and levitators, and that makes it special in my opinion.

Here’s an important detail: when the faithful soar into the clouds, those who aren’t true believers will remain on earth and suffer punishments for seven years (the Tribulation) until Jesus Christ returns. The question this fundraiser addresses is how to provide for any unsaved loved ones and dependents left on earth after you’ve risen into the sky.

It’s more complicated than one might think. If a person’s body disappears without a trace, legally they are considered missing, not dead. This requires some legal wrangling to make sure beneficiaries receive the raptured person’s estate.

Part of the answer is provided by The Golden Rule Law Group® Rapture Plan© offered by a law firm in Arizona. They have information about designating beneficiaries if you are gone but not declared dead.

Someone associated with this law firm has started a fundraiser that provides another part of the answer. They are raising money to build a secure blockchain website that will hopefully survive the rapture. If I understand it correctly, on this website believers can leave important information for their earthbound beneficiaries, such as:

• Their rapture-ready wills and trusts
• A digital edition of the Bible
• A timeline of expected tribulation-era events and a warning not to accept the Mark of the Beast
• A proselytizing message about converting to the one true religion

There are more details on the fundraising page, but for now just know that before you go floating into the atmosphere like an untethered balloon, you ought to get your affairs in order.

#2: Send a student to exorcist school

Can you resist helping someone who wants to expel demons? The person behind this fundraiser wants to “…make a positive impact on the lives of individuals plagued by malevolent spirits and entities.” She explains, “That’s why I am seeking to study high-end exorcism through the International School of Exorcism.”

The request is for £6,000, which covers course fees and materials. I’m guessing that materials might include items like a vial of holy water, a handheld cross, and a spray can of air freshener. She says that unlike other demonologists, she’ll keep her service fees modest. I think that’s a nice gesture, and I also can’t think of a more sensational item to hang on a wall than a diploma from the International School of Exorcism.

#3: “Help me get rid of a Ouija tattoo”

A young woman has recently transitioned to Christianity. Now she’s dearly regretting the “satanic Ouija board tattoo” on her leg that was acquired in her pre-Christian life. As of the day I write this, there’s a photo of the tattoo on the fundraiser page. I think it looks interesting. It’s the best (and only) Ouija board tattoo I’ve seen. She wants to raise $1,000 for tattoo removal services, and I can’t blame her given that she now believes the image is evil.

#4: Preach the flat earth gospel

The person who posted this request wants to spread the word of a God who “created this flat and stationary realm and everything that is in it…” The fundraiser is fighting a war against evil by “exposing the false ball earth reality and fake space narratives and the lie that we evolved from a godless Big Bang.”

To achieve this laudable goal, he wants to upgrade his “flatearthreality” video platform. An upgrade means he’ll be able to produce better quality videos and more frequent recordings. You can see some of his work on YouTube where you’ll find information about flat earth, aliens, 5G, chemtrails, pyramids, and the occult. I don’t think he’s ever met a conspiracy theory he didn’t like.

Some of my own fundraising ideas

I’d like to organize an archeological expedition to find the bones of the giants who once roamed the earth, as mentioned in the Bible. I’ll need backing. I also want seed money to start a business selling Shroud of Turin bed sheets and pillow cases. Finally, I require funds to begin building an actual stairway to heaven with a handrail, wheelchair ramp, and occasional benches for resting on the way up.

I know the person in #3 is far from the only one with tattoo regret. If you have stories of your own, I’d love to hear them in the comments section.