Power: Love’s Best Friend
Love is not enough on its own
“All you need is love,” we have been singing for over half a century. We crave this pure feeling, longing for harmonious relationships, and a society that is accepting and inclusive. Love would allow us to at last live in peace.
In our search for ease, harmony, and peace, we end up confusing being loving with being nice. But these two don't necessarily go hand-in-hand.
"Be nice, don't bring that difficult subject to the dinner table." In the name of harmony, we avoid conflicts. But how nice is that, really?
The other side of the coin is that being nice is about keeping the status quo. Conformity. It is in the status quo that we find the power structures, oppression, and anything else we have under the carpet. And I ask you, is conforming and accepting everything the same as being loving? What is love, after all?
“Be nice”
Society rejects anything that does not conform. That does not only apply to criminals and so-called bad people but to anyone who breaks our so-called “harmony”, e.g. by claiming their rights to take space, and dare to look, be and sound different.
Yes, we reject “different”. The Suffragettes, Martin Luther King Jr, Greta Thunberg, Lady Gaga. Anybody who sticks out will be persecuted and laughed at in some way, be their work for the greater good or not.
Even our survival instincts tell us to not stick out, or else… danger. Things are good just as they are. Stay alive, watch your back. Know when to shut up and smile. Know to bend and bow. Go invisible and accept to not be seen and heard. Otherwise, we may embarrass ourselves and not be liked.
Current power structures love this tendency of not sticking out: conformity is a cheap way to keep people under control.
We are not nice because we are loving. We are nice because we are scared. We are nice because we are scared of being rejected, of not being good enough, of failing, of being prosecuted, of being laughed at, of dying. Fear consumes our potential of being authentic and loving. Fear reduces us and turns us into domesticated nice creatures.
How much self-love and self-acceptance is in this attitude?
Ok, I don't want a world of ruthless, reckless, unkind people. But there's a huge gap between authentically kind people, acting out of love and being real on one side, and people who keep things nicely, avoiding conflicts, and not standing for themselves on the other. That second kind of nice just keeps things as they are. That polite empty niceness allows more stuff to gather under the carpet. How loving is that?
What is love, after all?
I see love as nurturing, caring energy; it is the water that feeds a plant so it can grow. Love does not own the plant. It knows it cannot give too much water to the plant, or it will die. Just as a parent cannot overprotect a child every single second, otherwise the child will not learn and grow to be a mature being.
Because it is caring, love is not saying yes to everything. I mean, what sane parent would allow their child to have a whole gallon of ice cream? Love speaks the truth and it knows when not to compromise.
Love cares not only about my belly button, but everyone’s. Love is too smart to not see the whole picture. From that place, it is hard to comply. Love wants to improve things for all, and that requires working on things, cracking stuff open. Cleaning what is under the carpet, with presence and care.
We can be kind and honest, and yes, we can be courageous. For it takes courage to act out of love. That courage, that energy to stand for love, is pure power.
The reason we don't act more out of love is because of fear, and when we act out of fear we lack personal power.
That energy to stay strong, to say No, to keep with decisions that are best for all, in a full alignment, is our power. Love without power can easily be stepped on. Love without power has no energy to stand for itself; that's when it becomes empty niceness. On in the words of Martin Luther King Jr:
“Love is identified with a resignation of power and power with a denial of love. What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive and that love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power is at its best love implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love.”
Amazing quote, right? This is my favorite quote of all time. I think I've used it in at least ten different articles so far.
Embracing Power
In times of rising inequality, abuse of power, governments that don’t focus on the wellbeing of all, power has acquired a bad name. We say power corrupts and again, “all you need is love”.
There’s nothing wrong with power.
If anything, we need it more than ever. We need courage, initiative, clarity, decision making, leadership, willingness. We need this fuel to organize our efforts, bring cohesion, get things moving. For that is not the work of love. That is the work of power.
Love sees what is right, but power executes it. Power is the usage of our inner strength, which we need to bring about change and achieve our goals.
The problem these days is that we either have left love behind, or we only focus on love without power. As if power was something evil.
We need love with all its caring, open dialogue, and honesty. Real love, not "niceness". Without love, we disconnect. But we need it to be fueled with power.
Balance: Power and Love Regulate Each Other
Ever felt like you give, give and give? That you don’t have enough for yourself, that you are depleted? Chances are, your personal power and love are out of balance. It's time to use your personal power to set boundaries and replenish your cup.
When power and love are balanced, they work together with respect and care. They become self-regulating and can set healthy and clear boundaries.
Love and power are BFF's. It is only by standing in our power that we have the energy to exert love and not give in to fear. That is why empowerment is so important. As we stand in our full power and don't give our power away, we can give love without being stepped on and we know when to stop and recharge.
Humanity is experiencing a deficit of higher love and connection. Yes, we need to improve our connection to our hearts but we also need to learn that power also lives in our hearts. No matter what system we live in, we will be corrupted unless we manage to balance and embrace our personal power as we open our hearts.
When we have power without love, we have systems that function for the sake of themselves, and not for the people the system was created to take care of in the first place. We have power abuse and corruption. We focus on our self-interests and forget about the forest for the trees.
Power does not necessarily bring corruption or abuse, but the lack of love does. If on the one hand, people lacking personal power can become anemic, victimizing themselves, and overall stuck in life, empowered people lacking love can become tyrants, manipulative, and afraid of losing their power.
Power without love is reckless. Love without power is anemic. All we need is love and empowerment.
Hi, I am Aline Ra M, spiritual guide, coach, and healer.
I guide people in their path, making sure that they have solid foundations and cohesion, and so they can heal and expand.
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