Don't Worry, Be Caring

We take care of what is precious to us, free of worries

What if I quit my job (that I hate so much) and can’t figure out a new way to make money?

What if I go to a dinner party and get covid?

What if I confront my partner and she leaves me?

What if, what if, what if, what if.

Our decision-making process is unfortunately much more based on fear than on love — the possible risks that our actions might entail, instead of the joy that they might bring.

Sure we can connect to the possible positive changes that the scenarios above could bring into our lives. But there is another subtlety here.

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” Leo F. Buscaglia

On one hand, there is worrying, and, on the other, there is caring. There’s a conceptual fine line between feelings of worrying and caring — yet their difference is staggering when it comes to what we actually feel and experience.

Worrying implies a need for control, and control comes from fear. There’s something we need to do, or else shit hits the fan. Caring, on the other hand, is nurturing in its awareness. If worrying is connected to fear, nervousness, and anxiety, caring is an action of love. There is no “if I don’t keep working I will not get money”. We take care of what matters to us, and we care with alignment and joy.

Worry is tense, care is tender. And this is an important difference, given that this is what we actually live through.

“Things done well and with a care, exempt themselves from fear.” William Shakespeare

Getting a bit more concrete

Worry brings a cage of what is ok, a rigidity about how we expect things to happen, how things should look like. When we over-control things, there’s no room for magic and the unexpected to come into our lives. Things become stiff and serious.

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere” Erma Bombeck

Now, how can I say to someone who is dead-scared of conflicts to just not care about what their beloveds might tell them? Or a person who wants more out of life but is stuck, worried that a shift might bring nothing but failure? I would begin by asking them to shift from worrying to caring.

If worrying can lead me to not say anything at all out of fear, and make me suffer terribly in anticipation with negative inner-talk, caring is inviting me to look at myself, acknowledge my feelings in full honesty, and consider how I can act to take care of myself, without over-doing and limiting myself on the way. In the case of fearing conflict, caring is not an invitation to avoid anything and run away, quite the opposite. It’s an invitation to face the situation with calm and ease instead of anxiety, out of self-love. It gives us a chance to change the tone of our inner dialogue and be more self-nurturing.

“Truly caring people know they have to take care of themselves first.” Marty Rubin

Caring is compassionate. When we care but do not worry we are soft with ourselves. If worrying takes us to go mental in our heads, over plan, get attached, and not let that fear go, caring knows that we are not in full control of anything. We can do what we can with awareness and ease, and surrender the rest to other circumstances that are also playing in the picture.

There’s always a bigger picture. That’s why worrying is disconnected: it forgets about the interconnectedness of multiple factors that play at any second of our lives. It distrusts other people, nature, spirit, and love. Trust brings freedom, and in freedom expanded love, connection and magic can emerge.

I’ve been traveling now for almost five months, jumping from country to country. When I left my city, I felt the place where I was living no longer felt like home. Out of caring so much for my happiness, knowing there is more for me, I followed my heart in a search for a new place I can call home. I have not found it yet, and after such a long search I begin to question how to keep myself financially traveling while still looking for a home. I’d be lying if I said I don’t worry — but the time it takes me to shift from the weight of worrying to the lightness of caring has become shorter and shorter. I care for my dreams and I am aware of my challenges. Because of that, I work on them with hope and tenderness — and not with anxiety. This allows me to expand my heart and consciousness, and not limit my journey out of suffering and fear. Will I soften or will I tense up? What serves me best? That’s only up to me, and the stories I tell myself.

“From caring comes courage.” Lao Tzu

Worrying shuts us down — caring helps us to walk forward. When we get carried away by worry and make decisions from this space, we disconnect from our hearts directly. That’s how we accept less than we can have out of fear of not fulfilling our hearts, and we hurt ourselves in stress. Even worse, we already start suffering right there, in anticipation. What you fear, you create.

Caring is an act of love

If worrying leads one to be anxiously on top of something, love and care know when they are to back off. Love is an energy of nourishment, and nourishment needs to know when it is enough. Too much food, obesity. Overwater a plant, and it might harm it as much as giving it no water at all. Love is spaciousness, not rigidity.

“Nurturing is not complex. It’s simply being tuned in to the thing or person before you and offering small gestures toward what it needs at that time.” Mary Anne Radmacher

Instead of fearing, breathe in and reconnect. Breathe deeper than ever and bring your full attention to your body, instead of your mind. Transform your worry in awareness, as an acknowledgment of what needs to be taken care of, from a place of love of what you are caring for. This is such a much more loving experience for our minds, bodies, and hearts.

To care but not to worry. This is an exercise in awareness, in presence, in connection, in alignment. To keep holding love and peace within. To act out of the heart, and not out of instinctual fear.

“When you stop caring what people think, you lose your capacity for connection. When you’re defined by it, you lose your capacity for vulnerability.” Brene Brown

Now, how much can we care? Here again, is the fine line that invites us to have discernment between what is to worry about and what it is to care. Care as long as it is genuine loving care; when it becomes anxious and fearsome, then it has turned into worry.

Clearing out illusions

Worry does not know how to let go, it does not accept that what is to happen will happen. It thinks it all depends on you and you only. It is disconnected from anything else.

When you catch yourself worrying about something, try asking yourself if what you are worried about is a real fear, and if fearing is the most beneficial approach for you. Instincts are there to protect us from real situations, and there is a big difference between having a predator running after you and modern-time anxieties.

“Rule number one is, don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it’s all small stuff.” Robert Eliot

There isn’t enough time, I cannot do this or that, What will people think, I can’t handle all these feelings so I will just not think about it. Most of what we fear is not real but mentally created fear. Anything we can change with our mind is not real, but an illusion. That is what we call a mental construct.

Our feelings, be it worry or caring, are results of the belief system we carry in our minds. Do you believe it is all doomed, or can you see and act with love and ease? It’s about perspective and mindset. The difference between taking environmentally sustainable actions for loving and feeling connected to fellow humans and nature, versus taking the same actions out of despair for world collapse. We are taking exactly the same actions, but experiencing something completely different.

Final Words

Love cares, love nurtures, and the immensity of love knows there’s nothing to worry about. When we don’t experience that, we are already disconnected. Yet, there are plenty of things to take care of — with ease, with presence, with lightness. In awareness of what is needed. We take care of what is precious for us, with joy.

Take a look at what you could do now to be more fulfilled. Are you taking good care of yourself to advance, or are you worrying a bit too much?

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” Dalai Lama XIV

Hi, I am Aline Ra M, spiritual guide, coach, and healer.

I guide people in their path, making sure that they have solid foundations and cohesion, and so they can heal and expand.

Learn more about My Work

Watch my Masterclass: Connect to Your Heart

Get Your Free Heart Meditation