Positive Thinking: Lean In
Science says it works to improve your life!
Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A world of optimism and hope. A ‘you can do it’ when things are tough.
Do you consciously change the script in your head from unhappiness or dissatisfaction to thoughtful positivity?
It all sounds too good to be true, but they tested their hypothesis and the results were interesting.
The self-help industrial complex often suggests embracing positive thinking. Using it to change your life doesn’t sound stupid, exactly, but when you are feeling down, it is hard to take seriously. Science says that is a mistake.
However, research shows that positive thinking really does have a scientific basis. You can’t change the world, but you can change how you perceive it and how you react to it. And that can change the way that you feel about yourself and others, which can in turn have a huge effect on your well-being. Positive Thinking
Barbara L. Frederickson is a psychology researcher at the University of North Carolina. Her team came up with the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. Their hypothesis states daily positive emotions improve people’s lives.
The idea is that these feelings will compound over time. They will result in:
- stronger friendships
- better health
- higher income levels
- longer life spans.
It all sounds too good to be true, but they tested their hypothesis and the results were interesting.
The authors tested this build hypothesis in a field experiment with working adults (n = 139), half of whom were randomly assigned to begin a practice of loving-kindness meditation. Results showed that this meditation practice produced increases over time in daily experiences of positive emotions, which, in turn, produced increases in a wide range of personal resources (e.g., increased mindfulness, purpose in life, social support, decreased illness symptoms). In turn, these increments in personal resources predicted increased life satisfaction and reduced depressive symptoms. Open Hearts Build Lives: Positive Emotions, Induced Through Loving-Kindness Meditation, Build Consequential Personal Resources
“Okay,” you say, “but how do I get out of my soul-sucking negativity spiral when my marriage is breaking up and I hate my job?”
When those things happened to me, I leaned into the negativity spiral. In my twenties, I had a job that caused so much internal stress I was throwing up before work a few times a week.
It took a year to recover enough to see anything positive in my life.
The positivity came once I resigned, took a month off to de-stress, and started a new job. It has been about twenty-five years since my resignation. I still can’t explain why I took so long to quit that job.
During the breakdown of my decade long marriage, I swallowed the stress. Internalized it. I worked hard to take care of my kids and complained to friends and family about the situation. I was a mess.
It took a year to recover enough to see anything positive in my life. Yet I was surrounded by my kids, my friends, and my pets. I had a comfortable house, a job that I enjoyed, and enough money to take care of my kids. The positivity was there. I couldn’t see it.
Some methods I could have used to get out of the negativity spiral include:
· Meditation and Mindfulness –
Recent research by Fredrickson and her colleagues has revealed that people who meditate daily display more positive emotions that those who do not. As expected, people who meditated also built valuable long-term skills. For example, three months after the experiment was over, the people who meditated daily continued to display increased mindfulness, purpose in life, social support, and decreased illness symptoms. The Science of Positive Thinking: How Positive Thoughts Build Your Skills, Boost Your Health, and Improve Your Work
· Journaling –
A group of undergraduates were asked to write about an intensely positive experience every day for three days.
Amazingly, they had better moods and better physical health afterwards, and the effect lasted for quite a long time. This is a pretty easy thing to do: you could, for example, write a blog focusing on positive experiences, or keep a diary. Positive Thinking
· Play —
create time in your schedule to relax and have fun. Go on an adventure. Read a book. Spend time on a hobby.
Give yourself permission to smile and enjoy the benefits of positive emotion. Schedule time for play and adventure so that you can experience contentment and joy, and explore and build new skills. The Science of Positive Thinking: How Positive Thoughts Build Your Skills, Boost Your Health, and Improve Your Work
These days I have a good marriage and don’t work outside the home. My children are grown and carving out their own lives. My life is good. No more negativity spirals, right?
Not always true. I have chronic back pain and nerve damage. There are also the normal aches and pains that come after your 50th birthday candles are blown out.
Some days have a bit of whining and complaining. Some days have a lot.
The positivity isn’t always obvious until I push aside my internal script and look for it. It is always worth the effort to step out of that spiral before it takes hold.
Let’s see how those three methods play in my own life, to give an example:
Meditation:
I don’t meditate. Not officially. My husband thinks my hand sewing qualifies, though. As he watched my needle pull through a quilt, he compared hand quilting to fishing. It generates a calm, happy place. A place of reflection.
Journaling:
I don’t consistently journal. Never have. My writing could be considered a form of it though. Writing has been a constant.
Writing gets the pain and anxiety out of the head and onto a page. Sharing the writing keeps it from being an echo chamber.
Play:
My hobbies (hand quilting, ceramics, reading, writing) are play. Spending time with my family is play. Dragging the family to Disneyland is play.
I am all about play. Sometimes pain levels limit activities but I embrace what I can and let go of the rest.
What I thought were a series of distractions were science-backed methods to embrace positive thinking in my life.
This positive thinking thing sounds very warm and fuzzy. Wishful thinking. Yet, I have found the benefits. In going through this exercise to see if the techniques could help improve my life, it became apparent I have already embraced them.
What I thought were a series of distractions were science-backed methods to embrace positive thinking in my life. The fact that it was instinctual rather than imposed externally doesn’t take away from the success of the methods.
In a different stage of life, it is hard to focus on all these feel good methods of avoiding the stress and pain spiral. Juggling careers, getting food on the table, fitting in a little exercise and sleep doesn’t leave time for a lot of meditation, journaling, and hobbies.
Talking to and reading the work of Millennials, I see that their lives are as full as mine was in my 20s and 30s. Yet many talk about slowing down and living life intentionally.
Choosing a smaller house, a less affluent lifestyle. It is a very different message than we were getting as entry level Yuppies back in the 80s.
It is a solid plan with many benefits. I will never argue against financial stability. Saving for retirement is important, should you be lucky enough to live that long.
However, making life choices mindfully and carefully is always a good idea. Letting go of the consumerism impulses we had in my 20s is promising.
Embracing positivity enhances mental health and makes for better relationships.
Building your life thoughtfully, with plenty of time to stop and smell the roses isn’t a waste, ever. Taking a breath to journal, to have a tea party with your five-year-old, or to write your heart out for Medium can be the difference between negative circling thoughts and calm acceptance of self.
It isn’t a silly, pointless effort. Embracing positivity enhances mental health and makes for better relationships. The relationship with yourself, most of all.
Make the effort. You are worth it.
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