Positive Psychology Practices to Cultivate Inner Strength
Use these science-based tools to survive and thrive during tough times
It’s no secret that we live in an increasingly uncertain world. In the beginning stages of the pandemic, it was all about, “Can I get enough toilet paper? How much food should I stock up on? When will life return to normal?” Then things shifted to racial tensions, environmental disasters, and the polarizing political views that only add fuel to the fire.
Depending on how you look at it, this is a precarious time to be living in, but I also think that the world has always had all of these fundamental issues, and it’s because we are so interconnected that these problems seem to compound, sending immeasurable shockwaves through the psyche of humankind.
Now, I’m not going to tell you to just “stay positive,” when all of us are affected in some way by the state of the world, job losses, anxiety, depression, and isolation, or have lost love ones due to the virus.
But how we cope, or survive and thrive, is more important than ever. Easier said than done, right?
Positive Psychology Can Help
Founded by Dr. Martin Seligman, Positive Psychology is rooted in decades of renowned research and some of modern psychology’s most important findings. Being positive isn’t about ignoring our troubles and pretending to be happy, nor is it about steeping ourselves in depression; instead, it’s about taking those very real feelings of sadness and grief and using them as a catalyst to ignite real change and transformation.
In other words, feel your feelings and then get moving. Because amidst our shared struggles, it is still possible to increase our emotional well-being, the impetus of happiness, and hope.
Here are three practices to care for our emotional selves and boost inner resilience:
1. Practice gratitude.
Gratitude seems to be a buzz word that can supposedly transform our lives in an instant. Yes, it may sound trite, but hear me out.
Research shows that our physical and mental health are better if we are grateful. And while it’s important to acknowledge the suffering and pain in the world around us, there’s a fine line between acknowledging so that we can help, and becoming so worried that we are unable to act in positive ways.
This is one reason why it is crucial that we give thanks for the good that always exists, even in the face of anxiety and uncertainty. Anxious or otherwise, attention is like a bright light; it goes whenever we shine it.
To do this: Start by thinking of a few things for which you are grateful in this moment.
Don’t worry if it takes a while to notice the good things, because it’s an important human survival mechanism to focus on the negative in order to survive. But this way of thinking doesn’t lend itself to positive mental health, something that our ancestors weren’t worried about when being chased by a saber-tooth tiger.
For example, I am grateful for heat, a couch to work on, and plentiful electricity. It may seem silly at first, but research suggests that this practice can slowly rewire our brains to focus on the positive, even amidst the negative which will always coexist.
I also have my dachshund beside me, and I am telling her how grateful I am for her companionship, unconditional love, and cuddles. And as I say it out loud, I can feel her snuggle up beside me and give a relaxed sigh of appreciation. It goes both ways.
The key here is to find what you are grateful for, no matter how ordinary it may seem, and express it in a heartfelt way, whether out loud or on paper, or both.
2. Take a restorative walk.
Right now, put it on your schedule to take a 15- to 30-minute restorative walk. Seriously, write it down!
Try to get outside and focus on the world around you, the vibrant colors, seasonal smells, tactile sensations of the ground, the whisper of the wind, and just get moving.
Take it a step further by giving attention to everything positive around you. Are there birds chirping? Can you move freely? Look closely and you may notice life blossoming everywhere that you look, like a mother with her children in tow, or the delicate plant of promise still unfurling its leaves, stretching up to the sky to meet the sun in its vibrance.
Give yourself a little while to really identify what brings you joy in your surroundings or what would bring you joy if attention was given to it.
You can also do this indoors. I’ve long been a proponent of the indoor “happy walk” when outdoors isn’t an option. Diffuse or spray an uplifting fragrance, blast your favorite music, and feel joy for being able to move, for having shoes to wear (if you choose), and water to hydrate. Even clean water is an unparalleled luxury.
3. Take out your notebook and write a letter of self-compassion.
During this pandemic, how many of us have been needlessly hard on ourselves? Maybe you’ve snapped at your kids or partner, or fallen behind in your work, but it’s important to remember that beating ourselves up doesn’t help. We are only human, trying to survive and thrive in tough times.
Giving yourself the gentle self-compassion that you would show a friend or child is one of the most nurturing things that we can do to increase our mental health and decrease stressors.
It’s easy to think that if we are hard on ourselves, we will achieve our goals or to-do list faster, but this isn’t true. And research shows that when we are able to show ourselves compassion, we become more effective, and it’s easier to act in ways that help instead of hinder. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain from a steady dose of self-compassion.
Get out a notebook, and write down a situation or circumstance where you’ve been criticizing or being harsh on yourself. Jot down every detail, including the emotions present and how it made you feel.
Then start a new paragraph and express all of the compassion, love, and acceptance that you would show a close friend who was going through the same thing.
Remind yourself that we are all doing our best with the tools that we have. It's natural to make mistakes. No one is perfect.
Give yourself the consideration of your current circumstances, and what you’ve learned in the past. Then make a list of action items that would help the situation or outcome. There is always a way that we can be easier on ourselves and, instead of self-loathing, show ourselves some self-compassion.
Here’s a personal example: while I am grateful that my son is able to attend school safely, the chaotic school pickup line is distressing — cars driving everywhere, honking, road rage and hostility abound, all while trying to pick up young children. It’s easy to beat myself up for taking too long at the pickup or not knowing what exactly the rules or procedures are—well, because there aren’t any! But by writing myself a letter of compassion, I acknowledge that I am doing my best and I deserve the same compassion and support that I show to others.
I am reminded of Plato’s immortal sentiment, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” And I would add that this extends to our sense of self; we can’t show compassion to others unless we can measure out a modicum of understanding for ourselves.
It is supremely necessary to refrain from inflicting pain on ourselves or others. To speak or act meanly out of spite or misguided self-interest, to deny basic rights to anyone, or to incite cruelty by degrading others is a denial of our shared humanity. The world doesn’t need more of this, and you, me, each of us in our shared struggles deserve the utmost empathy for enduring, persevering, and tirelessly persisting so that compassion, justice, and love will survive the harshest of conditions.
And although we know that problems will still exist even if we write a letter of self-compassion, give gratitude, or take a walk, do it anyway. Because it’s all about improving and maintaining our sense of well-being. These practices are about caring for ourselves so that we can care for the world around us, one positive moment at a time.
With love and gratitude, Aurora
