FUN WITH BOOMERS

“Pneumococca Whatta?”

As if we didn’t have enough crap to worry about

Let’s talk about aging, shall we? The aging process. Isn’t it a ride? A rollercoaster ride?

One day you think you have it all together, you’re doin’ your thing, makin’ your moves and the next, you’re ready to pull the dirt over your addled head.

I love how celebs, like the ones who grace the cover of AARP Magazine refer to aging as being a “journey.” It’s a journey all right. A journey straight to oblivion.

Jamie Lee Curtis, whom I happen to love, is the featured celeb in this month’s edition of the magazine. At 62, she shares that she gets up at 4 am “bursting with creativity and energy!” On the cover, she’s grinning from ear to ear. It’s the slightly crooked, trademark Jamie grin, and if that wasn’t enough to make you feel like a turd with legs, she’s practically glowing.

Damn. If I wake up at 4 am, it’s because I had too much to drink the night before and “creative and energetic,” I ain’t. More like, “queasy and sorry AF.”

So many indignities we older folks have to endure, like giving up night driving because we can’t friggin’ see, or repeatedly barking the same questions at our similarly-afflicted partners because we can’t friggin’ hear.

Plus every day, something new pops up on our bodies to give us cause for concern.

“WTF is THAT? Was it there last week?”

And then, there are the diseases. Lest we forget, Big Pharma has a plethora of print and broadcast messaging to remind us that after a certain age, we are at increased risk for, and in no particular order, diabetes, stroke, cancer (been there, done that), cardiovascular disease, Alzheimer’s, influenza, pneumonia, osteoporosis, arthritis, and gum disease.

With the exception of gnarly gums, the rest make plain old dementia sound like a cakewalk.

Oh, we’re also at risk for…c’mon, you know this one…FALLS. The kind where one’s hip shatters and it’s all downhill from there.

Luckily, I can take a fall. I’ve had plenty of practice and I credit strength training for helping me maintain the density of my bones. But still, one’s luck can only hold out for so long, so I need to slow the fuck down, especially when trundling down our basement stairs.

Side note: When we first moved into our home, after turning in for the night I just HAD to bring a basket of dirty clothes down to the laundry room which abuts our basement.

As I sleep naked, I didn’t have a stitch on, nor was I wearing slippers, so because I was moving at top speed, I slipped and slid all the way down the stairs on my ass. Talk about a rug burn, guys, and not the “fun” kind.

Anyway, back to my point, before I forget what it was. Driving to the market the other day, I was listening to “Chicago’s finest rock,” WXRT-FM, where nearly all the DJs have been there since its inception. Boomers, every one of them.

So, perhaps it’s no surprise that one of the commercial spots that aired was for an injectable drug called Prevnar 13, which is supposed to treat yet one more fucking thing we have to worry about: pneumococcal pneumonia.

Yes! I triple-dog-dare-you to say that three times in a row without drooling.

So along with the Covid vaccine, which I was grateful to get, and the flu shot that I never get, and the garden-variety-pneumonia shot that I never get, we Boomers at the upper end of the scale need yet another vaccine!

Now, I’ve never heard of pneumococcal pneumonia, but it sounds bad, doesn’t it? Let’s see just how bad this is. Here’s the good news from knowpneumonia.com:

Pneumococcal pneumonia is an infectious, potentially serious bacterial lung disease you can catch anytime, anywhere.

Alright!

And, if you catch a severe case of…I’ll just call it Double P…it can land you in a hospital bed or on a gurney with a toe tag.

Many people mistake Double P for the flu or a cold, but those nasties are caused by viruses whereas this particular strain of pneumonia is caused by bacteria.

And that sucks.

As I don’t want any of my more seasoned friends here to find themselves in a premature bout with the Grim Reaper, here are the symptoms, and know that they can come on fast, and without warning, much like the runs after throwing down at an “all you can eat” taco bar:

Chest pain Difficulty breathing Productive, phlegmy cough Shortness of breath Temperature of up to 105° Farenheit Excessive sweating Shaking chills

And if you experience this last one, high-tail it to the ER:

Nails turn blue from lack of oxygen.

And because I want to make sure you’re Double P savvy, the bacteria that cause pneumococcal pneumonia are called Streptococcus pneumonia.

They can easily spread via coughing and close contact. Then the little bastards take up residence in the air sacs of the lungs, called alveoli (sounds like a pasta shape) resulting in inflammation and lots and lots of mucous. Hence, the pain and coughing.

Well. I don’t know about this. I’ve never seen the Prevnar 13 vaccine hawked at our pharmacy, have you?

Wait, this just in: Only a healthcare provider can advise if Prevnar 13 is right for us!

Just in case you think you can skirt the side effects of Prevnar 13, forget about it. Here are the most common, from the manufacturer’s website:

Pain, redness, and swelling at the injection site, limitation of arm movement, fatigue, headache, muscle pain, joint pain, decreased appetite, vomiting, fever, chills and rash.

Sounds like business as usual, without the “in extreme cases, fatal reactions can occur.”

What do you Boomers think? Is this something you’d consider discussing with your healthcare provider?

Currently, I don’t have a “regular” doc. I am seeing my oncologist next week, though for my six-month check-in. But Dr. Menini and I talk about more upbeat stuff, like our Italian cars, so I believe I’ll steer clear of Double P.

Finally, I wonder what the “13” in Prevnar 13 is all about? And do I really want to know?

Do you?

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her short films have screened at The Pan African Film Festival in Cannes (awarded “best short”), the Nashville Film Festival, the Honolulu Film Festival, the Los Angeles Film School, New Filmmakers New York, and New Filmmakers Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, “The Month We Fell Apart,” a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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