Please Think Before You Speak
How two microaggressions reminded me of my place in America.
A tale of two microaggressions.
Microaggression: a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group (such as a racial minority) Websters
I am a Black man in America. My race and gender alone are enough to end my life or make it difficult. At least more complicated than your average Caucasian who possesses the magic potion of White Privilege.
Every occasion when a police officer is behind my car, the blood runs cold, and my eyes become focused on the road before me. However, as the sweat forms on my brow, I continuously hope the officer will soon turn onto a side street or pass me by.
I worry about my Black children who inhabit an America whose racism is on full display in the days of Charlottesville and Botham Jean. I witness racist tweets coming from the White House.
I despise feeling this way, but the America I live in has undervalued me and my fellow African Americans humanity and contributions for centuries. Therefore, it doesn’t surprise me when microaggressions are directed at me as jokes or in a matter of fact tone. The incidents below are not the only two which happened to me but are the most interesting.
Last year during the holiday season, I decided to return to retail as a part-time job. I hadn’t worked a second job in years, but at that moment, finances deemed it necessary.
I’ve always preferred to work in retail because of the social aspect. I am not only an avid writer, but I also enjoy talking, so retail is the perfect job for a jabber jaw like myself.
I applied to a local retail chain, and they hired me in a week as a cashier. I love the job and continue to work there. I am the final face most customers see before buying their wares and enjoy conversing with them about scoring a fabulous bargain.
Customers are amazed at my customer service and my polite attitude. The crassest prune faced person is usually grinning and thanking me on the way out the door. I offer a kind service to all, and I enjoy leaving a person with a smile. In my opinion, their entire day could be crap, but maybe I can place a smile on their lips by the time they grab their bag and hurry out the door.
It’s a great job, and my experience with my customers is always positive. Therefore, I didn’t expect the following microaggression.
A day or two before Christmas, the store remains open all night. This type of insanity goes on for a full 72 hours. I was scheduled to work an overnight a couple of days before Christmas Eve. I wasn’t excited about it, but it was an extra buck an hour, so I said what the hell.
I was walking in the aisle back to my register after retrieving my phone when I noticed a white lady in front of me. I said, excuse me since I didn’t want to bump into her. I expected her to say pardon me or at least some type of customary salutation. However, what she said punched me in the face with the force of a boxing heavyweight.
She turned around with beady eyes, curled lips while clutching her purse to her bosom and said
“You might knock me down and take my purse.”
I froze and stood there for a split second. However, it seemed like an eternity. The guy she was with looked at her with wide eyes that screamed
“Aww snap, he might slap the shit outta you.”
Of course, I would never do such a horrible act. However, the look I pierced her with obviously said otherwise. The emotional slap she delivered me was far worse than any slap I could muster.
Once I was over my stupor, I told her it was offensive, and she, of course, went into the usual it wasn’t what I meant rhetoric. Like that was going to make me feel better. I walked away rapidly while she stood there, enveloped in a curtain of ignorance and privilege.
It was lost on her that it was racist. My feelings didn’t matter, and I believe she thought I was in the wrong. However, you accused me of a crime and expected me to pat you on the back and say it was ok. It’s not that type of party white lady.
I was angry for about an hour after that incident. It made me feel undervalued and once again relegated to a criminal because I am a black male.
I have four college degrees, and I’ve held several leadership positions in education, along with many years of teaching. However, that means nothing because my blackness eradicates my education like a racial eraser. We, Black men, are the big bad wolves of all the races, and Whites are always on the lookout for us to blow their houses down.
The second microaggression happened recently and at my place of employment. As some of you are aware, I am a teacher and work at the local juvenile detention center. I’ve written a few articles about my experiences in that position.
Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with kids or the issues surrounding their tenuous existence in the world.
My co-worker, who is white, and I were walking out on our lunch period when the incident occurred. I was in a reasonably decent mood and looking forward to writing after work. There was another white gentleman across the room who was watching us as we headed to lunch. He looked up with a sly smile and a twinkle in his eyes and said the following statement.
“I see your probation officer is taking you out to lunch.”
He let out a few laughs and giggles at my expense before my co-worker, who is a great human being, stated yes, he takes me out often. I thanked him for the deflection, but I told him that it was directed at me and not him.
I didn’t react as I did with the previous encounter. I decided to walk away and let it die an ugly, deserved death. Why waste my precious breath once again, attempting to explain something he wouldn’t understand? It’s all kicks and giggles to him. He cannot understand the horrible emotions I feel because of his ignorant and biased behavior.
I wish it were possible to escape racist comments, but in a country built on the bricks of inequality, it seems impossible.
The many health and emotional tolls of microaggressions.
Education is the key solution for change, for peace, and for help in the fight against racism and discrimination in general. Clarence Seedorf
A few months ago, I wrote a poem about being a Black man in America. It’s titled “Hey, Black man.” I believe it sums up perfectly what it means to be me every day.
Researchers at Columbia University have found that discrimination, whether it’s direct or indirect, leads to worse health outcomes for people of color. Anger, depression, and hypervigilance can develop in African Americans over time because of racism.
The same study found that high amounts of stress hormones can lead to wear and tear on the body and is linked to heart disease. A Black person’s body can literally be worn down by microaggressions. It’s hard to believe racism and discrimination can be a death sentence.
The stress I experience because of racism is unbelievable. I must recognize what racism looks like and decide on an appropriate response. It becomes tiresome having to respond to discriminatory behavior.
Anger sits with me always. I watch the news and witness another Black man or woman shot by a white cop or some crazy White citizen with a conceal and carry permit.
Sandra Bland, Alton Sterling, and Trevon Martin are just a few of the cases which create stress for the Black community. We cannot sell bottled water, barbecue, or even leave a vacation rental in peace without the police showing up.
Common everyday tasks become an Olympic event in survival. My son can’t go to a burger joint and return home without the cops harassing him in front of his own house.
How do we reduce microaggressions in the workplace and society? Education is the key. We must educate on the impact of microaggressions on African Americans in the public and private sectors. Workers must recognize their own biases and be willing to work on being better. Corporations, schools, and other institutions must be ready to make real change if they truly value a diverse workforce.
Furthermore, health professionals must understand the health impacts of race on people of color. Moreover, doctors and nurses must recognize their implicit bias and offer the same care to all. If they don’t, they are sentencing patients to an early death.
Racism is well ingrained in every institution in America. We can’t escape it. The country was built on the backs of slaves, and for hundreds of years, we were kept from the table we helped to create. Discrimination, in my opinion, is self-perpetuating. As long as microaggressions and other little racial comments keep feeding the beast, it will continue to devour our nation.
In closing, I must state we can work together to end discrimination, but we cannot do it without White people being on the same page. An excellent place to start is to recognize when you are about to say something possibly racist or insensitive and decide to refrain. Thanks for reading and peace.
Estacious(Charles White) is a 23-year educator. He began writing over 25 years ago. His work experience encompasses managing schools and teaching a variety of subjects. His passions are poetry, short fiction, playwrighting, and non-fiction. He won one of six prizes in the 2018 Rockford play festival for his play “Incarcerated Christmas”. He is married with three children and a native of New Orleans.