Please Take The Damn Win

You should be doing things that make you proud.

In the past week four different writers tagged me in their stories. So, Deb Knobelman, PhD, Michael Thompson, Alice Vuong, and Geoffrey Watson--thank you for those shoutouts! I enjoy the work that each of you do and felt honored you even thought of me and my writing.

And actually, those mentions got me thinking.

This whole endeavor of writing is hard work--not only because we need to take a leap of faith as Shaunta Grimes says. And not just because we’ve got to focus on our writing over sales and marketing, like Jonathan Greene recently shared.

We have to do those things and keep our hope alive. To sustain such hope even on the bad days means we’ve also got to channel our inner rockstar--which Jessica Wildfire says everyone has.

Norell Leung and I also had some nice conversations recently about how hard this gig can be.

Because it’s so damn easy to second guess ourselves even as we follow our dreams to write and inspire others. And I am not a particularly confident person, so I’ve got a never-ending trail of questions that goes a lot like this:

Did I really deserve that particular accolade?

Should other people tag me as if I offer something valuable?

Am I stupid to talk about my successes--regardless of how big or small?

Crap--are people going to think I'm bragging?

Am I coming across like a know-it-all?

Is this pointless? Does anyone even care?

As an aspie woman, I’m also not very "tuned in" to all of the social cues. So I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth online and in real life enough to know I could be committing some unforgivable societal sin I don’t even understand.

Since there’s no way for me to predict every potential faux paus, I focus on being about as open and honest as possible.

So I hope that when people read my work, they don’t hear a voice that is whiny or blaming the world for her own shortcomings. I hope it’s clear that I know it’s my responsibility to handle my own shit regardless of any of the shitty things other people have done.

But at the end of the day...

I do my best and try not to sweat it.

Then, when I begin to go through my internal trail of doubts as soon as a compliment or little boost comes in, I tell myself to go ahead and just take the damn win.

You should take it too.

Taking the win is good for your mental health. If you happen to struggle with depression or anxiety, one of the best things you can do to get through your darker days is to regularly do something that makes you proud of yourself.

Maybe you'll just do one thing. Then maybe two. Then eventually you might do ten. Build upon that growing sense of self-worth.

I know--feeling proud of ourselves can seem like such a childish thing. We grow up believing that the words, "I’m proud of you" aren’t something adults even need to hear. Not from ourselves or anyone else. But I’d say that’s one of the problems in our grownup culture.

We tend to get so caught up in everything we have to do as adults that we forget to do the things that feed our soul. The things that make us proud of our own efforts.

But we need to know that it’s okay to take the win.

It’s more than okay.

It's good for us, good for our kids and students--it’s good for everyone:

"If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.” ― Fred Rogers

As you may or may not know, I’m working on a novel which I first dreamt up years ago before I even had a child. It revolves around a single woman who becomes an art therapist for a young boy who’s lost his mother.

I always knew I wanted to include a couple of art projects that become central to the storyline and remain memorable. I want readers to connect with the emotion and growth of the characters and imagine the projects vividly in their minds. So I think, if this book became a movie, what song would be playing? What colors would carry the scene? How would I feel watching it happen?

One of those projects is the sunshine jar.

Basically it's a mason jar you fill with quotes that move you, thoughts about your happiest memories, and the compliments people give you that make your heart sing. All in your favorite color that makes you smile just to look at it.

I think every writer should keep some type of sunshine jar.

In fact, whenever someone tells me I wrote something which moved them or otherwise resonated with them in some way, I screenshot that puppy. I take pride in those comments. When I’m feeling useless or hopeless, it helps to read through those things and remember why I do what I do.

Feeling good about ourselves is a big deal we don't need to downplay.

So how are you taking the win with your work?

If you liked this story, you might also enjoy these: