Or at least on Zoom?

Please Sign the Petition to Make Kristen Stark Hang out Again in Seedy Comedy Clubs Like A Harlot

(but in a good way)

When she was young(er), Kristen Stark was the bomb on the stages of many seedy comedy clubs in Wyoming and Ohio.

Literally.

She bombed on stage in Marietta, Ohio

12,781 people lived there, and almost 5% (650) were in the club when Kristen came on stage. Six jokes later, they were only 72, all drunk, and half of them asleep.

The following is a sad but true story.

Marietta was changed forever that night, and an estimated 500 families left the town in the following months, afraid that Kristen would come back and corrupt the minds of their children.

Cringe. I know.

You can read Kristen’s jokes below, but I wouldn’t do it if I were you because they would make you drunk (and sleepy), and you might even lose faith in humanity.

Don’t complain in the comment section and say I didn’t warn you. It would be as unwelcome as highlighting this.

Three months later, Kristen bombed on stage in Cody, Wyoming

10,174 souls lived in this beautiful place, but nobody came to the club where Kristen performed because the mayor learned how bad she was in Marietta, thanks to his connections.

(Cody’s mayor at the time was a cousin of Donald Trump’s driver, who was a brother-in-law of the butler working for the mayor of Marietta.)

To her credit, Kristen didn’t give a shit, went on stage, and told her jokes. Less to her credit, so more to her debit, she bombed!!! That’s quite impressive when you think about it.

The room was empty.

Nobody was there.

The lights were off.

And yet.

She managed to bomb.

It’s the stuff that makes for scary Halloween stories (if you want to know what I think deep inside my left neurons). So scary that it inspired me to write THE über-funny article, which I recommend you read twice as much as Kristen’s pieces.

(Unless you’re a FOM. In which case, you can read it only once.)

(Unless you’re a former FOM. In which case, you should read my article 8 times to compensate for the distress you caused me — and Tony — after you stopped paying three times more to blah blah blah)

I hope my convincing arguments convinced you to read Kristen’s jokes, subscribe to her stories, and give her money.

(Oops, wrong link, but don’t worry, I will deffo send her the money you’ll send me.)

Please sign the petition to make Kristen Stark hang out again in seedy comedy clubs like a harlot by leaving a comment on this story.

Or at least, let’s all beg her for a session on Zoom.

You can also sign the petition on Substack.