Phrases To Seduce Middle-Aged Women
Even though we’re exhausted, go grab some Astroglide, a bottle of wine, and say something like…
“How are you? Really?”
“Need anything drywalled around here?”
“Your skepticism is understandable, but I’m rather limber. Check this out.”
“A Diane Keaton movie again? Sounds great.”
“I did the laundry. Now let’s discuss the energy crisis in Europe.”
“Tell me more.”
“I own stock in water, lab meat, and weed.”
“That’s fascinating.”
“I can trace my current brand of awakening back to ’06. When they canceled Arrested Development.”
“Why do you ask?”
“Would you like some of my Peanut M-n-Ms?”
“I haven’t watched a superhero movie since I was ten.”
“If necessary, I have the skills and self-discipline to avenge your death.”
“Let’s buy a house with separate bathrooms.”
“I drink pineapple juice with every meal.”
“My income is high, and my expenses are low. I make eye contact and a mean Old Fashioned. I also go hours without checking my phone. You can fix the rest.”
“I just read all your columns. Here is what I think. In grammatically correct sentences.”
“I’m listening.”
“So I said, ‘Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, nauseous isn’t a word.’”
“I’m vaccinated, boostered, and showered. Let’s do this.”
“I still have all my own teeth and can see my feet.”
“You make Spanx, Spanx doesn’t make you.”
“Your hips are fantastic, and you know how to move them.”
“Nice gams, doll.”
“What do you think about all this?”
“I’m not intimidated by your alphabetized spice rack… I’m inspired by it.”
“Yes, I’m happy to listen while you explain Lizzo’s lyrics.”
“As far as I’m concerned, you are already complete. I’m here to complement.”
“Menopause doesn’t scare me.”
“You make me a better human being. I take my meds every day and wear my CPAP every night.”
“Keep those lights on and get over here.”
“Your clean refrigerator. That’s when I knew.”
“I want to hear your thoughts on dismantling the patriarchy and then we’re gonna fuck. In whatever way gets you off.”
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