Summary

The author discusses the nuanced differences between being a pet owner and a pet parent, emphasizing the emotional bond and responsibilities that come with considering pets as family members.

Abstract

The article delves into the author's personal experiences with pets, drawing a parallel between being a pet parent and raising human children. The author, who considers herself both a pet grandparent and parent, reflects on the care and commitment involved in looking after pets, including veterinary visits, feeding, and providing a loving environment. The piece highlights the emotional connections, the joy of sharing life with pets, and the belief that pets are integral members of the family, deserving of more than just basic care. It also touches on the anthropomorphic tendencies of pet parents and the debate over whether pets can truly love us, concluding that the labels of 'pet owner' or 'pet parent' are less important than ensuring pets lead comfortable, healthy lives filled with affection and care.

Opinions

The author equates the responsibilities of being a pet parent with those of raising human children, including healthcare, feeding, and emotional support.
She sees the term 'pet grandparent' as a way to express love and a commitment to care for her children's pets if necessary.
The author believes that a good pet parent prioritizes the pet's wellbeing, akin to how one would care for a child.
She suggests that pet parents are more likely to allow pets on furniture and integrate them into family life, as opposed to strict pet owners who might enforce more rules.
The article posits that pet parents often form deeper emotional bonds with their pets, engaging in behaviors such as allowing them into their beds and providing multiple comfortable spots around the house.
There is a recognition that the love and affection shown by pets may be a projection of human emotions, but the author argues that this does not diminish the value of the relationship.
The author implies that the debate over whether pets can love us is secondary to providing them with a loving and caring environment, where they receive affection, quality food, and medical care.

Pet Parent or Pet Owner? What’s the Difference and Does it Matter?

Pet Grandmother or Just Another Human With a Tuna Treat?

My children have grown up, moved out, and created families of their own now. All three have pets of their own. They are very caring, capable, and responsible pet owners. I haven’t asked each of them, but I am sure they consider themselves pet parents.

None of them blink an eye when I describe myself as a pet grandparent. In my own mind, I am expressing my love for their dogs and cats as well as my promise to care for them if it is ever necessary. Not in the same way as I promise to care for an actual, human grandchild, but I take the responsibility seriously.

I also consider myself a pet parent. These days my pets are two five-year-old cats: Anya and Xander. My husband enjoys hanging out with our cats, but I am the one they sleep on. I do most of the pet care for them. This includes veterinary visits, feeding and litter box clean up.

Thinking of it this way, that was the arrangement I had with my first husband with my human children. I took the kids to the doctor, dentist, went to school meetings and did most of the feeding and toilet training. Hmmm…

When my husband and I bought a house together, we each had a dog. We chose a home with a large yard for our kids and our large dogs. It was awesome. I felt like I had the white picket fence. Back then, he did most of the daily pet care. He worked from home and handled poop scooping right before he did the lawn mowing. Neither of us was good at getting the kids to take their turn.

Chance, my husband’s dog. — Photo by James McIntosh

My husband is also a logical, rational human being and might not ever describe himself as a pet parent.

His relationship with the dogs was closer to a pet parent than his relationship with our cats. He likes the cats, but he doesn’t put the same work in. My husband is also a logical, rational human being and might not ever describe himself as a pet parent.

The difference between pet owner and pet parent isn’t crossing a specific line. A good pet parent is a great pet owner. Vet visits happen on time, and the pet’s wellbeing is important to the owner/parent.

Most pet parents I know are willing to let the pets on the furniture. Xander, I didn’t say every stick of furniture in the house. Get off the table!

Dusty — my dog. — Photo by James McIntosh

The whole idea is that the pet is a family member.

Pet parents don’t believe that dogs and cats belong outside 24/7. A pet parent wouldn’t dream of that. The whole idea is that the pet is a family member. Would you leave your 5-year-old daughter or son in the backyard all night?

Many pet parents do more than let their pets into the house. They let them into their bed. My night usually begins with Anya laying on my leg as I drift off to sleep. In the morning I generally find both cats on the bed and my husband missing. He gets up early.

If I felt that I was simply a pet owner, there would be many more rules for them to follow. I wouldn’t spend time making certain there were soft spots to lay in all over the house. I would assume they could find their way to a pet bed in the family room and that would be the end of it.

I get joy from making the leap to pet parent in my mind.

My cats would still have a good home. They would have affection, quality food, and a clean litter box. I wouldn’t feel as close to them, though. I get joy from making the leap to pet parent in my mind. I shower Xander with kisses and hugs and feel special when he licks the end of my nose.

Anya hates to be picked up, so I try not to grab her but when she jumps on my lap I pet and hug her softly. At night as I read my Kindle, she loves to lick the side of my hand and lay across my lap, sucking her paw. It makes me feel loved.

We hope we know what they are saying as they bark, whine, meow and purr.

The jury is out on whether pets can love us, although pet parents believe they do. We do a lot of anthropomorphizing. Pet parents project our emotions and thoughts on our pets, especially our dogs and cats. We hope we know what they are saying as they bark, whine, meow and purr.

My Grandpuppy, Jasper. — Photo by Shelly McIntosh

In the end, it doesn’t matter if we are projecting. If the pets have a comfortable, healthy life with us, they don’t care. An ear scratch and a tuna treat may mean love to them. Even if it doesn’t, they still got an ear scratch and a tuna treat.

Anya likes to hang out with me in the bath. For someone who hates to get wet, that must be love. Right? — Photo by Shelly McIntosh

If you would like to read more about my relationship with my cats, check out:

I Will Train My Cat

Tomorrow

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