Peru and Ayahuasca Diaries
Notes on Ayahuasca
Before moving on to the continuation of the journey, I’d like to sum up some final notes on my mind.
Embarking on a retreat and experiencing Ayahuasca in an Amazonian Center or at one of the centers in various parts of the world can be a progressively challenging and dedicated process. It may involve adhering to a specific diet for two weeks or even longer, excluding substances like meat, alcohol, drugs, sex, antidepressants, vitamins, etc. Additionally, participants may avoid using any chemicals, including shampoos and creams, refrain from touching others or even making eye contact to prevent energy transfer, and spend their days in a meditative state or at the very least abstain from activities — like watching movies. I see that participants can choose the strictness of their diet from these options based on what suits them best. It’s likely that their purification and the expansion of their perception align with these choices.
The ayahuasca visions also vary greatly depending on a person’s own perception, imagination, past experiences, and many other factors. My visions, as I have described, were nothing like what I had read about ayahuasca before. They were modest, less colorful, and intricate. Perhaps being able to have more lively and meaningful visions would be possible, depending on one’s purity and experience with ayahuasca, I don’t know. Maybe if I can come again, I’ll be able to see more and beyond. On the other hand, as an engineer, I may have a limited imagination :)
I am happy to have experienced my first ayahuasca ceremonies at Ronin Sina. This Center is incredibly authentic, where everything is genuine. The absence of electricity, the Internet, and phones creates a real isolation from the outer world. It would have been better if they had paid a bit more attention to how we were doing after the sessions. But I think if I have a chance to join ayahuasca ceremonies in the future, I may choose here again.
Ayahuasca is ancient knowledge. I don’t believe that anyone who does not come from a shamanic family can become a shaman by just learning some songs. This knowledge, which is inherited from ancestors and imprinted in human genetics, takes on meaning by integrating with the environment and culture. However, possessing this knowledge doesn’t make you an enlightened individual. This is similar to knowing math, history, astronomy, or like being a doctor.
I think this was quite a tough week. During all my lifetime I have experienced a lot and have a general reputation for being a warrior. I haven’t been the nicest girl in my life. However, the process here was quite challenging for me as well. Ayahuasca itself is something entirely different. It can take you from one state to another, smack you, make you writhe in pain, sometimes embrace you, and is a different kind of experience. But on top of that, being under the sun at 35 degrees Celsius, mosquito attacks, all the Amazon creatures and insects around, everything being dirty, drinking water from muddy bottles, and eating from the same plate with the dogs. And above all, spending the whole day all alone… These are not easy at all. It is necessary to be dedicated and decisive. The moment you groan on the ground and shit on your puke bucket during the session is the point where all the romanticism of the New Age comes to an end, and real life says, “Hey, what’s up?”
Perhaps the most beautiful thing here could be the infinite stars that cover the sky. I’ve always loved being in nature and under the stars, and here, there is an infinite sky.
Another very nice thing is not seeing a mirror all week. It’s a great luxury not to think about your body image all the time.
I don’t know if ayahuasca works repeatedly and reactivates again and again, some say that it does. It has been about two months since I returned from the Amazon. Sometimes my head is crystal clear, my inner world is shining brightly, and I’m filled with joy and hope. And some days I can be at the very bottom. I liken myself to a shaken soda bottle. It will take time to settle things again, I guess. But it seems like things are going to be okay. All the knowledge I have acquired during my lifetime, whether technical or spiritual, which I thought I would never use, is falling into place where it belongs. It will take some time, but most probably it’ll be good.
From here on, I will continue with the fun parts of my journey. I hope you’re still reading along :)
