Personality Traits of an Adult Bully
What do your actions and attitudes say about you
“The trait that all bullies have in common is insecurity,” said family therapist Tom Kersting. “Intimidation and harassment is the wall they use to prevent others from seeing through them, seeing their insecurity.” ~Source
Self-scrutiny is never easy! But a well-adjusted person will not fear the process. In fact, they will welcome the insight and understanding that such an examination reveals.
Wake-up call
Sad to say, we probably all have some traits of a bully. Identifying and eliminating them early, in ourselves and our children, can be a life lesson worth learning. It will take work, soul-searching, and engagement. Behavior patterns won’t change overnight but they will change if worked on.
Remember that no one is born a bully. Bullying is a learned behavior for multiple reasons as diverse as people themselves. If it can be learned, it can also be readjusted. Take the time to understand the problem and its cause. Causes can be treated and controlled. However, there is no treatment for ‘excuses’.
If it can be learned, it can also be readjusted.
Look for these behaviors
Negative, critical, and judgemental
These traits usually come all together in a neat little package that allows us to express our elevated opinion of ourselves. How? By the very act of putting someone else down we, in our own minds, elevate our position over them.
“The common mistake that bullies make is assuming that because someone is nice that he or she is weak. Those traits have nothing to do with each other. In fact, it takes considerable strength and character to be a good person.” ~Source
Firecracker responses
We are quick to light up with a volatile and sometimes unpredictable response to the actions and words of others. We have less than normal tolerance for anything that doesn’t fit our comfort zone or expectations.
Rigid and unsympathetic
Being too rigid and unsympathetic leads to an unforgiving attitude. A person who can’t forgive and forget often looks for ways to get even for the injustices they perceive. The perceived injustices are often out of proportion to the actual events or supposed grievances.
Victim profile
It’s never my fault is a mindset characteristic of a bully. A complaining nature, especially one in which everyone else is to blame. Do you find it intolerable to take any form of criticism?
Narcissistic and controlling
Do you feel an extraordinary sense of entitlement? Do you have an unhealthy need for admiration and attention? Do you need everything and everyone to revolve around you? Do you have the feeling that others must always agree with you?
Envious and Jealous
Do you get angry when you see others that are more popular or have more material wealth?
Prejudicial
Do you fundamentally dislike a person, culture, tradition, etc. that is not your standard of normal?
Destroyer
When you see others who have talents, abilities, privileges, and personal happiness beyond yours, do you wish to see those things destroyed in their lives? While you may take no personal action to do so, do you derive great pleasure when calamity does befall such people?
“People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.” ~Source
Causes can be treated and controlled. However, there is no treatment for ‘excuses’.
Conclusion
Especially for an adult, being a bully is a matter of choice. If we have an unhealthy behavioral pattern, we can choose to make changes. The sad fact about bullying is that the very things a bully wants are the very things they destroy for themselves — respect, affection, attention, love, acceptance, security, and peace.
It is natural to assume “once a bully, always a bully.” But sticking a person who bullies with a label of “bully” for the rest of his life does not help prevent bullying. In fact, with hard work, some people who bully others can and do change. ~Source
“If bullies actually believe that somebody loves them and believes in them, they will love themselves, they will become better people, and many will then become saviors to the bullied.” ~Source
