avatarCrystal Jackson

Summary

The web content provides a personal and poetic account of living with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), detailing the emotional and psychological struggles during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle.

Abstract

The article titled "Perilous Mood, Deepening Darkness (PMDD)" offers a vivid description of the author's experience with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. Through a poignant poem and reflective prose, the author conveys the cyclical nature of PMDD, characterized by intense emotional turmoil, including brain fog, frequent crying, suicidal thoughts, and a feeling of disconnection from self. The narrative captures the daily battle against these debilitating symptoms, emphasizing the resilience required to endure the two weeks of distress that occur each month. Despite the struggle, the author acknowledges moments of happiness and normality, juxtaposing them with the profound challenges posed by PMDD. The article concludes with a reminder of the temporary nature of these symptoms and a plea for help for those experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Opinions

  • The author views PMDD as a severe condition that significantly disrupts half of their life, describing it as a period of feeling "poorly put together" and walking "through the mist."
  • There is a sense of frustration and helplessness expressed by the author, particularly when they are unable to perform simple actions like standing up due to the severity of their symptoms.
  • The author recognizes their own strength and resilience, referring to surviving the cycle, yet they reject the notion that the experience makes them inherently strong.
  • The darkness of PMDD is personified as a siren, suggesting it is an alluring and dangerous force that the author must resist.
  • The author holds onto hope and the knowledge that the symptoms are temporary, looking forward to becoming "the old me" once the cycle concludes.
  • The article emphasizes the importance of seeking help, providing a link to more information about PMDD and urging those with suicidal thoughts to contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Perilous Mood, Deepening Darkness (PMDD)

A journey through PMDD, luteal phase

Photo by Daniele Levis Pelusi on Unsplash

There’s no perfection Only progress I say those words once more Then watch the ceiling spin around As I’m lying on the floor I tell myself to stand up As if it’s something simple I can do But I’m lying here Half dying here And there are things I wish you knew

Fourteen Days of brain fog I cried Thirteen Times today A dozen Times I wanted to die Eleven Times I chose to stay Ten Minutes staring at my reflection A stranger to my eyes Nine Times I had to combat the thought That I should say goodbye Eight- Thirty and I want to go to bed To sleep until it’s done To count from Seven Days of hell Until I see myself through to One

I survive the cycle Don’t say it makes me strong I am happy half my life The other half feels wrong Like I’m poorly put together And walking through the mist Trying to remind myself That I’m still here, I still exist Even though the darkness Is a siren with arms stretched wide to hold me I remember fourteen days from now I will become, again, the old me

The ceiling doesn’t stop its spinning But I slowly come off the floor Floating down the darkened hallway, I wash up against my bedroom door Then heave myself upon my bed Fold blankets tight around And, waiting for the medicine to work, I pray I do not drown.

A note from the author: PMDD stands for Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or ideation, please get help by calling the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 (in the United States).

© Crystal Jackson 2022

Poetry
Poetry On Medium
Invisible Illness
Chronic Illness
Women
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