People You Meet at the Gym
Gym stereotypes updated for 2022.
Before we start, this article is meant as satire.
If you can see yourself in this story, I’m sorry.
So can I.
It’s just for a laugh.
Laughter is the best medicine etcetera.
Here are some of the characters you might meet if you go to the gym in 2022.
Short man syndrome guy
Short in stature, but ‘giant' in gains.
He walks around with a swagger (or waddle) like he’s 6’4, 250 pounds. But he’s 5’5, 165 lb.
He always quotes his weight as 20 pounds heavier than he actually is.
“Insecurities? What insecurities? I’m massive AF.”
He takes every chance he can to look at himself in the mirror between sets.
His chest is out, and he flexes his muscles at all times. It’s like a talent in itself.
Keeps a personal diary of everybody who has called them a “Manlet”.
The fake natty
“It’s Creatine bro. And 250 grams of protein a day. That’s it. Sit-ups first thing in the morning on an empty stomach. You get a better contraction, brah.”
You Mirin?
The Fake Natty is someone who denies any steroid use, although they are clearly on something. They have two clothing types: Gymshark, and a shirt and jeans combo tighter than women wore in the 1980s.
His gym routine is 70% looking at himself in the mirror and 30% working out.
Science tells us that Gymshark stringers make you look 30% more shredded.
Prone to train in packs, fake natties will use the one bench press in the gym for over an hour. If anyone asks, they’ve only got a couple of sets left.
They gossip between sets and often lift their stringers to rate each other's abs and flex — usually in front of somebody trying to do their set.
Dicks.
Gymshark girl
She pretty much wears a bikini to the gym.
Lip filler and gym outfits are her most significant monthly expense.
With her genetics, she looked great before her six months of lifting.
Halfway through her university degree, she’s dating the same guy from high school — the sports ball team captain.
She forgets which one.
Her gym goals are to ‘tone up’, and she would never lift more than 5-pound dumbbells.
“What kind of girl wants to look big and bulky?”
Everyone is on steroids guy
He is still in pretty good shape for his age, but not the specimen he was 20 or 30 years ago.
Because of this, he has a chip on his shoulder. He should be the biggest! He trains harder and smarter than anybody.
Anybody with a visible vein in their arm, or, more muscle than the average person, is on steroids. For sure.
“If they have bad skin, thin hair or a red complexion, they’re 100 percent on something.”
Old creepy naked guy
He’s really friendly and talkative. Seems nice.
But he loves to be naked in the changing rooms, and if they can get naked in the sauna with somebody, even better.
Apparently, the only towels he owns are tiny.
You might stumble upon him, smearing fruity exfoliant on himself.
It becomes super awkward when they tell you about their day whilst exfoliating. Gross.
Selfie girl
Also known as a gym bunny. Slightly different from Gymshark girl, the gym is her life — not just a phase.
“Gymshark is a generational thing — nobody over 25 wears it.”
She’s been doing this for a while, so she has to show Gymshark girls what serious dedication looks like.
Selfie girl has fair few followers on Instagram and often gets professional glamour shots of photography of her at the gym working out.
After an awesome workout, sometimes she’ll take 50 odd selfies at ten different gym spots to find the best angle and most effective lighting for the perfect selfie.
She uses motivational quotes as the caption for her selfies on Instagram.
Now into her 30s, the selfie girl often complains that she can’t meet a decent guy, yet continues to spam Insta with suggestive selfies in lingerie or swimwear.
Sweaty guy
He’s wet. Often slightly overweight, it is important for him to get a sweat up.
If he’s around, it’s good practice to wipe your machine down before you use it. Just in case he used it last. Have you ever been to a new gym, and most of the equipment is sticky? It’s because of this guy.
Sometimes wears the same shirt to the gym all week, oblivious to the smell. In this situation, it sometimes appears that he has an invisible force field around him.
He can’t quite work out why everyone always moves to the other side of the gym mid-exercise.
Gym Cougar
She often finds herself in conversation with younger guys.
By accident. Of course.
The trick with the cougar is not to make eye contact. Or before you know it, you have teenage step-kids and a divorce.
She might ask to touch your bicep and then proceed to tell you much time she has on her hands now she’s divorced (or widowed).
The gym cougar spends a lot of time in the stretching area, making suggestive Pilates poses.
Hey, you’re flexible (or something), we get it.
Goldberg guy
He could also be the ‘Stone Cold Steve Austin’ guy. He’s huge and bald.
Built like a man mountain, he used to be a competitive powerlifter and bodybuilder.
Will occasionally motion to other guys to follow him into the locker room for a little supplementation advice (or something)
Word is on the street that you just look for Goldberg. ‘Nuff said.
He’s probably at a very high risk of a heart attack.
He often wears just skins (man yoga pants); there’s nowhere to hide his equally mountainous man parts.
Please wear shorts.
The Grunter/Screamer
Everyone knows who the strongest person in the gym is. The guy who grunts the most, right?
It’s science.
He likes to be the centre of attention — like the peacock of the gym.
If you choose to engage, give him compliments as a peace offering. This shows you’re not trying to intrude in his territory (the piece of equipment has been used for 45 minutes).
Something like,
“Looking shredded, bro."
Super-strong chick
Always been a bit of a loner, she started working out to give herself some self-confidence.
Now, you don’t want to mess with her.
She probably lifts more than you, too — her deadlift PR is 350 pounds.
Not wanting to take the risk of pervy guys trying to make conversation, she tries very hard not to make eye contact with anybody.
“Headphones in means f**k off!”
She doesn’t enjoy the attention of douchebag meatheads.
Her fitness routine includes a lot of Crossfit, racing up flights of stairs to the local lookout, and going to Boxfit twice a week.
Respect.
Skinny guy
This guy gives unsolicited advice even though it looks like he doesn’t even lift.
He’s the same weight he was at 15 and had been training for years, but never seems to put on any size.
Even on his arms, even though he trains them three times a week.
You can’t give him any advice because he’s always on some workout plan he got out of men’s fitness.
When you ask him how much he eats, the response is always “heaps”.
Never trains legs guy
He is often seen wearing sweat pants.
His calves seem particularly out of proportion from his upper body.
Calves can be a pesky muscle to grow for some, depending on their genetics.
It’s even tougher to grow your calves if you never train your legs.
He often has a huge upper body, making the calves look even smaller. Tattoos can also be used to distract people away from the size of their calves.
CrossFit guy
Whatever time it is, wherever you are in the world, there’s always a CrossFit guy working out.
“It’s not just a training methodology — it’s a lifestyle.”
Favourite pastimes include explaining to everybody they meet the Paleo diet's benefits or freaking people out in mainstreams gym by dropping barbells from above head height.
Sometimes brings his ‘battle’ rope along to the gym and, with it, foliage. He last used it with his Bootcamp at the local park.
Thicc girl
Idolising Cardi B, she’s thicc, and she knows it.
The fake natty guys spend half their workout debating where she might be from, based on her exotic looks.
“She has to be from Central America — Columbia, Mexico, Miami… something like that.”
Every day is legs and/or booty day, and she puts on an anterior pelvic tilt to accentuate her figure further.
She has built a following on the ‘Gram from her gym selfies she hashtags #thicc.
That’s all, folks!
Those were some of the people you will often meet at your local gym in 2022.
It might even be you.
Again, please take this as a piece of satire.
Anybody in the gym in the first place is doing the right thing. Being aware of how we look means we are probably more likely to be looking after our health.
And that’s important.
Thanks for reading.
If you enjoyed the content, you might be interested in this article about the best isolation exercises to build each muscle group.
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