Patriarchy Demands Constant Ranking and Stratification Of All Kinds
Not just between men and women
You may think that patriarchy means a society that gives men power and primacy over women and although that’s not wrong; it’s not the whole story. On a deeper level, patriarchy is a type of dominance hierarchy that involves the stratification of everyone in the society. Different people and groups of people each have a place in the hierarchy, and if they try to rise above their station or move out of their place, that is when coercive behavior kicks in to keep them in line. Sometimes it’s just to remind them of their place.
The skinny, geeky kid with glasses knows where he fits in the hierarchy so pantsing him in front of the cheerleading squad is just a way to remind him that you can. But if you care that someone else is fatter than you or has a nicer car, you are also subconsciously ranking yourself in relation to them and inadvertently feeding patriarchy in it’s fullest meaning — something that harms men as well as women.
Dominance jousting may manifest as teasing and bullying, or even as coercion and violence. Knowing there is a consequence for stepping out of line is one of the main ways of maintaining the stratification of the hierarchy. For example, misogyny is not about hating women or even thinking of them as inferior — it is about being the policing arm of a social system that says that women have a certain place and function in the world, and they’d better not think of straying out of it.
Keeping your position in the hierarchy takes constant effort, typically by ranking yourself against everyone around you all of the time. Men and boys are particularly indoctrinated into this model that is rooted in the domination of women by men which is left over from older, more formally institutionalized forms of patriarchy, although women and girls participate in it also. This is what discrimination and bullying of all sorts are about.
In our secular, democratic society, male dominance is no longer official policy, women are enfranchised to vote, own property and otherwise participate fully in business ventures and the work-for-pay world. But still in virtually any venue, or by viewing any amount of media, it is quickly and abundantly clear that it’s still “a man’s world”, where the majority of the positions of authority, in every institution, are held by men. Defining, Perpetuating & Challenging Patriarchy
One of the main objections to and questions about whether or not we actually are still living in a patriarchy is the assertion that there is no explicit ongoing effort by men to dominate women. It’s true that for the most part men aren’t sitting around plotting how to keep women in their place and their designated role, although some of the recent laws enacted in Alabama and other states may be the exception, as was the concerted effort to defeat the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970s. Patriarchy is the ocean that we have all swum in since birth and because we’ve never known anything different, we participate in it mostly unconsciously. And yes, women participate in and uphold the patriarchy as well. If they didn’t, it wouldn’t still be able to exist. More about that here.
But even though women are now full citizens, not so long ago they weren’t. As recently as 100 years ago women weren’t allowed to vote and as recently as 50 years ago, women couldn’t get credit cards or home loans in their own name, could legally be fired for being pregnant and weren’t allowed at Ivy League colleges. There weren’t marital rape laws in all 50 states until 1993.
In other words, overt hierarchy of men over women is not a thing of the distant past. But even so, that doesn’t mean that all men or even all White men are at the top of the dominance hierarchy or the apex of power and privilege. In many cases, the only direct power that some men have today over women is the women in their family, but none-the-less, we live in a very androcentric culture even if some men do not experience this consciously. One of the ways that it manifests is in the cultural ideas about what is considered normal or desirable. These tend to be traditional masculine qualities like control, rationality, and self-reliance and the still pervasive idea that men are more fit to wield power.
Men often deny the existence or at least the power of patriarchy because they do not feel a sense of freedom, a sense of real powerfulness within the system. The truth is that it constricts and restrains everyone, not just the people at the very bottom of its hierarchy. Defining, Perpetuating & Challenging Patriarchy
This is because patriarchy is a pyramid, with only a few elites at the top. In the US, not all White men are at the top of the hierarchy, but nearly everyone at the top is a White man. This stratification and dominance-based culture is harmful to everyone, even those who are successful at it because it erodes their humanity. In order to get to higher levels or to even maintain position, you have to dominate other people and make sure they know their place. And not only does this apply to other individuals, but to whole classes of other people as well.
The two basic human types are male and female. The way the relationship between women and men is structured is thus a basic model for human relations. Consequently, a dominator-dominated way of relating to other human beings is internalized from birth by every child brought up in a traditional, male-dominated family.31
In the case of racism, this model of human relations is generalized from members of a different sex to members of a different race.
Eisler, Riane. The Chalice and the Blade . HarperOne. Kindle Edition.
Homosexuals, particularly gay men, are inferior in this system of ranking because they are not conforming to the gender norms that are an integral part of patriarchy. Also, since anything that is coded as feminine is considered less-than the things that are coded as masculine, homosexual men are out of step with what is considered desirable and acceptable for men. Ergo, they deserve to be bullied, marginalized and in some cases, beaten.
Part of the reason that we haven’t made more progress in being accepting of and inclusive of those who are different than we are is that stratification is such an innate part of every aspect of this society.
Because man box (patriarchal) culture glorifies bullying and dominance as the primary expression of masculine power and success, all men are invited to daily test the limits of what society will tolerate. Accordingly, we see dominance-based interactions play out in every aspect of our lives, from within our most personal interactions to the dynamics of our national politics. While millions of good men care about creating more compassionate personal and professional relationships, and so choose not to test the limits of men’s collective permission to be dominant, the fact that this choice is an opt-out, tells us all we need to know about what’s going wrong.
For the worst of these dominance obsessed men, the successful suppression of other’s interpersonal boundaries eventually leads to acts of verbal, physical and sexual abuse. This explains why #MeToo is so widespread and spans so many levels of abusive behavior. Men who embrace the man box culture of dominance are testing boundaries at every level with every woman in their orbit, modulating those tests from micro to macro-aggressions depending on the context and relative power of their targets. If their micro-aggressions are challenged in an relatively equal power relationship, say in the workplace, these men will quickly back pedal, throwing up their hands, saying “I was only joking.” It is a form of interpersonal gaslighting designed to add insult to injury as they fade back and seek the next opportunity to test us. Why Masculinity Is “Whatever Men Can Get Away With”
These same types of aggressions and constant testing of power dynamics also take place in relation to race, class, sexual orientation and immigrant status, to name just a few. But even amongst people on the approximate same level of the hierarchy, most people find it necessary to constantly evaluate themselves in relation to others as far as physical attractiveness, body type, the stylishness of clothing, cost or quality of things like jewelry and cars, and other meaningless metrics of status. We wouldn’t care about how other people live and love, or even look, if not for the dominance hierarchy aspect of patriarchy that combines gender conformity with ranking and rating yourself against other people all of the time.
“Her hair is too short and it makes her look like a boy.”
“He looks like a homeless person in that ratty T-shirt.”
“That’s a nice car — for a woman to drive.”
It’s a non-stop attempt to feel better about yourself by making other people appear or feel worse and it’s a socially sanctioned way to joust for place in the dominance hierarchy. The fact that someone else is fat or homely or is wearing shoes you don’t like affects you not at all, except as it allows you to affirm that you are better than they are in the scheme of domination.
This is why it’s considered “just how guys relate to each other” when constant ribbing and subtle put-downs take place amongst male friends. This is the way that many boys and men have been socialized to deal with everyone, even the people that they ostensibly like. And although this is not as noticeable a part of female friendships, the whole phenomenon of mean girls is a page from the same patriarchal handbook, in which girls and women also seek to make certain that (usually less conformist) people are aware of their lower place in society.
As already stated above, not everyone is this beholden to the rankings and stratifications of the dominance hierarchy, but it is an all-too-common element in our culture, particularly for males. And since masculine norms are what is considered desirable across the board, we continue to have a society where domination, stratification and ranking is considered normal and acceptable.
When you extrapolate out a system that is based in the historical domination of men over women, weaker men, and children to the rest of the cultural landscape, you get a society that is obsessed with how it rates in relation to those around them. You also get a society where many members feel completely justified in using bullying and violence in order to keep certain people or demographics in their perceived place. In order to be a part of dismantling patriarchal norms, as well as racism, homophobia and sexual harassment, the first step is to move away from the constant desire to needlessly rank, stratify, and coerce others to stay in their perceived roles and lanes and to instead just let people who aren’t hurting anyone else alone to live.
