Happy & Sad
Party for Aged Mother’s Final Birthday
Children ignored it completely. (Follow-up of “Children Ruin Old Age with Isolation” article)
Setting the Scene
Mother has cancer in five organs but is still able to get around. She was in no pain, and at age 85, she just wanted to live out the rest of her life with no chemo and its problems. With a Power of Attorney, the daughter sold her house, bought another in the middle of nowhere, and moved her an hour away from her friends and nightly dancing, and City Fire — complete isolation.
She only gets out of the house to go to the gym for about an hour daily with her daughter. She occasionally sends text messages to a few friends and goes out to lunch with us every couple of weeks. It is a 2-hour round trip for us to do that.
We decided to throw her a party for her birthday and invite her old friends from City Fire.
Birthday planning
We originally wanted to put her and Daughter up in the motel next to City Fire, have the party there, and they would return home the next day. Daughter refused even though we would pay for everything.
We then contacted the restaurant in the clubhouse in her retirement community. We would provide entertainment. They refused, stating that the entertainment would bother the other guests. Instead, they would rent us a private room for $385. But that would not provide the atmosphere we were looking for, so we refused.
Favorite local singer & Nearby location — Cody’s
Lisa Beck, the entertainer we hired based on hearing her at City Fire and a favorite of Mother, suggested that we hold it at Cody’s near Mother’s house. Then the travel would not be an excuse for Daughter.
We talked to the manager. Our party was from 1:00 to 3:00pm and their regular live entertainment did not start until 4:00pm.
He was happy for us to have the party on his patio without charging any extra fee for the reservation. We were allowing any tables we did not reserve to be open to the public and the entertainment cost him nothing.
Obvious depression
Daughter texted the day before that Mother wasn’t feeling well and shouldn’t go out to lunch for her birthday. Mother texted later that she was all ready to go!
Daughter texted the next day that she had perked up so much that she could probably go out to lunch the next day.
Friends
We handed out invitations to many of her friends at City Fire. Unfortunately, for many, the trip was too difficult due to their age. Most are in their late 80’s and some don’t drive.
Two couples did make the trip. One, and maybe both, are older than Mother, so driving distance and time may not have been the main reason for others not going. Perhaps age affects everyone differently and some people never go far from home.
Daughter no-show
Daughter did not show up at all. She lives nearby but had a pickleball game scheduled for that day which was much more important than Mother’s final birthday.
The Son was out of town and could not return in time for the party.
The party itself
We were on an outdoor covered patio and the weather was beautiful (Florida, warm & no snow). Lisa Beck was set up in front of a small dance floor and our reserved tables were ready.
Lisa had already had lunch and started precisely at one o’clock. She sang Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow second, a song I usually request. My wife and I had to dance by ourselves to that one. Nobody else joined us.
Mother and her friends got up later and danced to many of the songs. Later other customers joined us so the dance floor was full by the second hour. Mother usually just dances with her friends, but she was dancing with everybody by the end.
We finished with an ice cream birthday cake.
Conclusion
The party itself went quite well. Mother took home enough for a couple of meals plus much of the birthday cake. She was excited to see her friends and especially to go dancing. Cody’s was a wonderful host.
She was really excited when she told her Daughter about the party and dancing (Daughter sent us a text). Her local clubhouse has music and dancing in their restaurant on Friday.
Her children told her that she would be able to go this week. We finally heard late today that she got to go. That was the first local live music outing since she moved there 9 months ago.
We were delighted to throw the party. It was too bad that Daughter considered pickleball more important than Mother’s final birthday party.
Note: Mother, Daughter and Son are used instead of names to protect privacy.
References
- First article about the birthday girl
Entertainment:
- Lisa Beck, local entertainer we met at City Fire
- THE SHIRELLES — WILL U STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW
Cody’s Original Roadhouse — Ocala, Florida (free link)
- Location 8 minutes from Mother’s house
- Recommended by Lisa Beck
- Mother’s favorite dance location before moving
