Parents: 3 Steps To Make Your Kids Stop Yeeting At Night.

A Fill-In-The-Blank Guide To Parenting

Disclaimer: This story is intended to be random and humorous. It is published in Fill in the Blanks publication, inspired by the classic game, Mad Libs. Blank words contributed by Ching Ching, Cole Kirby, Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她), Deborah Weir, Shenba, Cara J. Stevens, Elan Cassandra, Mari Moore, Christopher Kokoski, Alyssa Chua, Panos Grigorakakis, Sarah Keays, Dariuš Butkevičius, JM Miana, Jenna Vokolek, Sandra Grauschopf, and Quy Ma

Children. Love them or hide them, they’re a challenge to raise. Especially when they yeet.

I remember an incident with my youngest daughter. It was past her bedtime which made her even more sour than usual. I did my best to keep that in mind.

“Go brush your teeth,” I said, skillfully.

And what did this little, slippery, girl do in response? She stomped her foot, looked me right in the eye, and said, “You’re a toilet.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re a toilet and I eject you.”

Now, as a hormonal father, I had two options. I could let her continue to yeet. Or I could smoothly take charge of the situation.

Fortunately, I’d just watched the documentary, “How I taught my kids to Stop Yeeting. Trust me, I’m Famous,” by Kim Kardashian. I’d link to the material here, but it’s through a paid streaming service.

If there’s one thing Kim Kardashian is known for, it’s buying too many ferrets. But, if there’s TWO things Kim Kardashian is known for, it’s buying too many ferrets and making wise parenting decisions.

Here are the steps I took.

(1) Give a time limit.

“You have to the count of 80 to apologize.”

My daughter looked at me with confusion. I’d only just watched the documentary so this was all new to her. What she did not do was apologize.

(2) Set huge consequences.

“If you don’t apologize right this minute, I’m going to take all of your pencils and bite them.”

“You wouldn't,” she said. Mostly I’d been much too fuzzy with her over the years.

“Just for that I’ll bite them, and do the same to your boots.

Now her eyes got wide as apricots. But she decided to see if I was bluffing.

“Prove it.”

Say what you will, the girl had a lot of lemon. I had no choice but to escalate to Step 3. Even if it made me feel like a cabbage.

(3) Prove to your child, you’re more salty than she is.

Without saying a word, I first followed through on my threats.

I took all of her pencils and bit them.

“Okay, I’ll apologize,” my girl said.

The fuzzy father in me wanted to relent. But that’s not what Kim Kardashian would do. I also bit her boots. I’m just glad I hadn’t gone with my first instinct and threatened to do it to her elbows.

“Daddy,” she cried.

“This will teach you to yeet,” I said. And then I called, Tiffany. The family dog.

At this point, your child, like mine, should realize you mean gobbledygook and are maybe a tad crazy. That’s exactly the place you want them to be.

“Tiffany,” I said. If my tough daughter doesn’t go brush her teeth right now, we are going to season you.

Tiffany looked at me with love in her eyes. I hadn’t even used the 3 tips on her.

“I’m going, Daddy,” my daughter said. “Right now.”

“Thank you,” I told her. “And change your hair scrunchie, too.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

“Thank, you. You know I love you, right?”

She nodded.

“Good. No more Yeeting. Act like a slippery marshmallow.”

“I will.”

And there you have it. 3 Steps To Make Your Kids Stop Yeeting At Night. Tune in next time when I’ll teach you 777 ways to make your child more blue.

Scott Hughey feels a bit sour himself. Maybe he should replace his daughter’s pencils as smoothly as he can.

Want more humor by Scott? Try these articles where he even wrote all the words himself.