Writing Prompt

Out On a Ledge

I feel my tipping point and am fighting to claw my way back.

A couple of days ago, I woke up mentally frozen and paralyzed from my heart on up to the ends of my brain cells. I felt the tipping point in my life, and I could fall over the edge at any moment. It was as if a choice to lean more to one side to save myself or let all the weight pull me down, give up, and put me out of my misery was challenging to decide. I’ve been on a ledge before, but I often let myself collapse and slip right over the edge. I wanted to grab onto anything this time and claw myself right back up.

I couldn’t stop the movie trailer playing in my head with clips of all the worst-case survival scenarios and imagining that I never make the right choices to survive, like a bad dream on repeat.

I’m trying to reach for my oxygen mask first, but I can’t find it. Caring for myself has been removed from my choice selection.

I gaze up to see the intersecting signs at the crossroads and stand motionless in the middle of the road. There are no wrong ways, but one road loops in circles, and I know I don’t want to be here again.

Many of us through the Pandemic have been experiencing our own Groundhog Day repeating the same day, routines, aggravations, and interruptions, till exhaustion, then fall into bed and do it all over again.

Don’t skip patience.

I could hear a nagging but familiar voice in my head asking, “Why bother?” Was I stressed because I didn’t know the answer? Was I overwhelmed because I jumped my position in the patience line and met questions and preparations I wasn’t ready for yet?

I had to force myself to be still in mind, too, as well as my body. I know the path I want my life to take, and seeing it so real that I can feel the grass and twigs beneath my feet made me want to run so fast ahead that I was missing everything that passed along the way this week.

Reflection

I am a woman of faith and have reached for scripture multiple times throughout my days, giving me the comfort and assurance to move with God’s timing. I know He is on this journey with me. I’m so thankful that God wants all of me all the time.

I thought about how far I’ve come mentally, physically, and spiritually in the last couple of years. I can think about my life events now without judgment. They are steps that put me together, teach me, strengthen my resolve, and will give hope to others struggling in their lives.

I will continue to choose joy, save myself, and never give up. I will create my own newly invented solution to survive my mind’s worst-case scenarios. Why bother? Because I’m worth it, and so are you.

Writing Prompt: What is a sign that you’re starting to feel stressed or overwhelmed? Thanks, Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她).

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