Open Letter to Angry Black Women — Stop Labeling Every White Woman a Racist.
Everything I say makes you angry and I don’t understand why.
In the past year of writing on Medium, I have been accused of racism, hidden racial bias, white privilege, and unconscious racial bias by many of Medium’s black women writers and readers. And that’s when I agreed with them. I will also include examples of what happened when I disagreed with their arguments.
It’s not just me. Based on the articles I have read, their anger seems to be directed at all white women.
Whether we agree with their position or slightly disagree with caveats does not seem to matter. Their response is always the same — name-calling and anger.
My intention in writing this article is not to anger black women more than I already unintentionally have. My intention is to genuinely ask and hope for a thoughtful, detailed, well-explained answer without vitriol and name-calling, to the question — What do you want from us?
I have tried to live my life as unbiased and tolerant as possible. I believe that everyone, regardless of color, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or anything else I may have left out, has the right to live anywhere, work anywhere (based on qualifications), love anyone of their choice, and worship according to their own beliefs (not to push their beliefs on anyone else). That’s it. That has been my philosophy since I was old enough to develop one. As a Jewish woman, I understand better than most, discrimination and hatred against a race other than your own.
So how did I, and so many white women, become the object of derision and anger by black women writers and readers?
Last year, I wrote an article criticizing the nearly nude fashions at the 2022 Academy Award Show. I highlighted five dresses that I thought were in poor taste for exposure of breasts and “barely an inch” away from genital exposure.
The comments, mostly from black women, but some from white men and women, were similar. Why did I only choose black women? I was “slut shaming” black women; I was displaying my racial bias.
I was shocked at the responses because, until it was pointed out to me, I honestly hadn’t noticed the color of the women’s skin. I was focusing on what I considered the inappropriateness of the dresses.
When I mentioned my “colorblindness” in the comments and in a follow-up article in which I foolishly tried to defend myself, I was met with derision, disbelief, and more name-calling. I was told that if I wasn’t a blatant racist, I was displaying hidden racial bias and white privilege.
Examples From My Year Immersed in Racism I Didn’t Think I Possessed.
- Color Blindness is Racism — As a Puerto Rican with African heritage, Lola Rosario has the heritage and experience to back up her argument in her well-written article, What It Really Means When You Say You Don’t See Color. Lola asserts that by saying they don’t see color, white women (and men) think they are saying that they focus on the individual, not their color, and that they don’t hold racist views. Yes, that’s exactly what I think I am saying.
According to Lola, what we are really saying is code for “thank goodness I don’t have to think about race.”
As a white woman who considers herself colorblind and knows herself well, I have the right to disagree with her. When I said I didn’t notice the color of the women in my Oscar article, I didn’t mean that I am so privileged that I don’t have to think about race. I meant that I didn’t notice their color.
2. A black woman writer wrote an article calling attention to the difference in the quality of medical care received by black women and white women.
In the comment section, I agreed with her, citing the example of Serena Williams’ near-death experience during childbirth. If the medical concerns of a black woman as famous as Serena Williams are ignored, what chance does a poor, unknown black woman have? I then referenced the fact that all women, regardless of color, are treated “less than” by the medical profession.
This writer angrily retorted that she wasn’t interested in anything I had to say about all women. She was only interested in black women. Then she blocked me. Not the best method of fostering productive discussion, but that’s the opinion of a white woman.
3. Not making it about race — To black women, everything is about race. You can read the entire article and comments by clicking this article link, Why it Takes Me Forever to Draft Emails to My White Colleagues, but the premise of the black woman author, Rebecca Stevens, is that black women who write in a direct, assertive manner are considered “difficult, rude, and abrasive.” She resents the fact that she has to “tone down” her correspondence so she won’t come across as an angry, aggressive black woman.
She writes — “So I’ll use sentences like “Can I please” or “I am grateful, or I appreciate it.” I am forced to draft nice messages because I know that people treat me differently and also judge me differently because I am black. One slip-up, one word considered too harsh can become career-limiting. I can’t afford to take any chances.”
I did not doubt her premise that black women are judged more harshly on the words they write and speak than white women.
However, I took exception to the example she cited of a text Meghan Markle sent Kate Middleton regarding Charlotte’s bridesmaid dress for the famous Harry/Meghan wedding of 2018. Rebecca considered Meghan’s text “direct” not disrespectful or impolite. (FYI — In the “Battle of the Royals”, I am generally a Meghan/Harry supporter.)
KATE: “Charlotte’s dress is too big, too long, too baggy, she cried when she tried it on at home.” Kate texts Meghan.
MEGHAN: “Right, and I told you the tailor has been standing by since 8 am. Here at KP, Can you take Charlotte to have it altered, as the other mums are doing?”
As an educator who has been in the communication field her entire life, I considered the text rude, regardless of the skin color of the sender.
In my comments, I tried to emphasize that my objection was about “communication”, not “race”, but neither the author nor any of the black women commenters would give any credence to my argument. They insisted that it was all about Meghan’s race, and as a black woman, she was within her right to be assertive.
I insisted that no one of any color has the right to be rude.
No one paid any attention to my “communication” argument. They focused solely on race. I gave up trying to make my point.
4. Why Black Women are Angry — There are countless articles on this subject. In my opinion, one of the best is Why I’m Absolutely an Angry Black Woman by Dominique Matti. It is raw, emotional, and heartbreaking. I can empathize with what she has endured and understand how it has shaped her into who she is and molded the opinions she has.
But neither she nor any black woman should expect that a white woman or anyone who isn’t Black could fully understand the experiences that have shaped them and their opinions.
It’s not possible for us to have lived their lives any more than it is possible for them to have lived and understood ours. We should not be labeled racist because we ask a question that is obvious to them but not to us, say something we don’t realize offends them, or see a situation from a different perspective than theirs.
I conclude this article by repeating the question with which I began. What do you want from us? You’ve been vocal about what you DON’T want us to do or say as I have explained above. What do you WANT us to do or say?
Most of the black women writers I have read on Medium are highly educated with multiple degrees, many of them Ph.D.s. They are intelligent, articulate, accomplished women. Surely they can direct their anger at more positive solutions than calling every white woman who doesn’t agree with or understand their point of view, a racist.
©Joan Gershman 2023
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