Relationships | Later life dating | Finding love again

Online Dating in Your Fifties — My Two-Month Update

Still pinching myself — can it really last?

After 10 years of being alone, I had resigned myself to growing old alone. Not gracefully, but alone.

I never thought I would start dating again.

Like ever.

Friends had urged me to find someone over the years. I never felt the desire to. Putting yourself out there in the online dating world is tough in your fifties.

I had become comfortable with my own routines. Heck, I even liked my own company, most of the time. I could make decisions without a second thought about anyone else. Single life meant I could pretty much do as I pleased, within legal limits of course. It’s easy to overlook the pros of being single, but there are some.

But there were times as I moved into my 50s when I felt pangs of loneliness, which would catch me unawares.

Like when I came to cook a meal, and it was just for one.

Like when I went for a walk, and there was no one to share it with.

Like when I wanted to snuggle, but there was no one to snuggle next to.

Like when I wanted to take a trip, but the thought of doing this alone, did not appeal any longer.

I began to open myself up mentally to maybe meeting someone again.

There is an element of vulnerability when you start dating again. You put yourself out there. There is a risk, you can get your feelings hurt. Remaining single is protective in many ways.

Add to that the perils of later-life dating.

For one, the likelihood of meeting someone with health issues becomes increased later in life.

I wonder if it should be mandatory to provide health information at the start of a relationship in these later life stages, so we know what we are up against?

At the same time, if I ruled out everyone with health issues, the pool would only get smaller, and it doesn’t seem that big from where I am standing.

Although Harry Hogg suggests that there are 10,000 left in the pool, I’m not so sure.

Secondly, you are going to meet someone with baggage. Hell, I was even carrying bulging bags of my own. I’ve loved before and lost when I was widowed at 25. Separated from my second marriage.

It’s scary to navigate a relationship journey again in the fifth decade of life.

But two months ago, something inside of me was released.

I saw my future as a lonely, miserable, pessimistic old woman.

With no one to share her deepest thoughts with.

It was a petrifying picture.

And it pushed me to take the leap into online dating in my fifties.

My first online rendezvous had not gone so well.

But I picked myself up and tried again.

And I met someone almost immediately the second time around.

Like fate. The universe hearing my plea decided to give me a break.

What has happened two months on?

We have racked up a total of over 20 dates and still growing. (I know!!)

This means on average we have seen each other at least twice or three times a week!! (No more Ms Lonely).

Our dates have included hand-in-hand walks. Shared meals at restaurants. Theatre shows. Comedy Club. A ferry across the Mersey. He’s even come to tai chi class with me!

He’s met one of my adult daughters. (Planning to meet the other soon, as she’s not local).

I’ve met his adult son.

He’s invited me to a family event, although it fell when I was away in Spain so I couldn’t attend. But it means he wants to move it to the next level.

He’s met my friends. It’s important to get the reassurance of those who know me best. In case I’m missing something. It’s easy to misjudge when you are in the early stages of a relationship.

You hear of red flags. Love bombing. Gaslighting.

I didn’t want to be duped.

Your judgment can be clouded in those early stages of infatuation.

He’s been given the thumbs-up by those closest to me.

So, is this the one in 10,000? Will it last?

Stages of a relationship - will it work out?

Matthew Hussey, relationship expert in his article Scared It Won’t Work Out? Use these 5 questions to know…

1. Do they make me a better version of myself? √

2. Do I feel more of myself when I’m around them? √

3. Am I growing by being with this person? √

4. Could I have 10,000 meals with this person? √

5. Do they have the fundamentals of what I think is really important? √

All the above, easily get a tick at this stage of the relationship, so I am hoping that these signs bode well.

Next steps to moving the relationship forward.

We are planning a weekend away.

Surely that will be the ultimate test?

Spending two continuous days and nights together becomes the test of all tests of any relationship. I’ll be sure to update you all.

But for now, we are just having fun. Enjoying the relationship for the company it brings. There are no expectations at this stage.

None of us know what is ahead, what you learn by this fifth decade is to just enjoy the moment for what it is.

© Bernie Pullen, All Rights Reserved