One Thing Every Great Relationship Has
And all else stems from it
I’ve always told my children, “Make sure you gravitate towards confident people. They have the ability to feel your pain, celebrate your joy, and see you for who you truly are.”
I write about relationships because they’re complicated. But if you peel it back, and away from the day-to-day, it becomes more clear. I always compare this concept to parenting. As parents, there are some fairly hard and fast rules that can make our lives easier. But we get lost in the daily trenches and chaos ensues.
I once wrote, “Love is the grand simplicity in the complexity of life.”
When love prevails, when it is front and center in our lives and in our homes, there’s a peace that’s indescribable.
But personalities have a tendency to get in the way of this.
As a marketer, it’s my job to connect the dots. To see the larger picture of why something is or isn’t profitable. To pinpoint what is and isn’t working.
As a relationship columnist, I dissect the aspects of love. A necessity since many of us, continue to experience its complications.
But in marketing, when we step back and marinate comprehensively, often the answer is simpler than it appears. Why? Because just like parents, and relationships, businesses get bogged down by day-to-day operations. At some point, they lose sight of their original objective.
There are many aspects that create the best relationships.
Yet they can be pared down to one thing. Confidence. Because all else stems from true self-esteem. People who are authentically confident tend to be respectful. They feel good enough about themselves to treat others with kindness. They don’t have the need to make someone feel bad to make themselves feel good. Their ego is mature enough to not only respect the differences of another but to not be threatened by them.
Likewise, a truly confident person wouldn’t feel the desire for extreme control. And they can hear what someone is saying because they have no need to prove them wrong. In other words, they have the ability to admit they can be wrong.
But most importantly, they love themselves enough to love WELL.
A LOT of people project confidence. They may be leaders who run corporations, community events, or own businesses. They may be extroverts, communicators, or quietly commanding. They may seem proficient, self-sufficient, independent, and a master of what they do.
None of this means they are ‘authentically’ confident.
The difference between a seemingly confident and authentically confident person?
Is the ego and whether it has matured or not. An immature ego has not yet evolved into authentic confidence. Yes, this person may still project self-esteem. But an absence of it will be apparent in how they communicate and deal with others.
An immature ego is threatened. It hasn’t evolved into recognizing they don’t always have to be in control, or be right, or have everyone think and act as they do.
This is why someone with an ego that hasn’t matured is disrespectful.
Essentially, these qualities, a lack of respect, a need to be right, poor listening, intolerance for differences, and control intersect.
Just as with a mature ego, respect, an ability to be wrong, listening when you disagree, a tolerance for differences, and no need to control also intersect.
This doesn’t mean even authentically confident people don’t argue and have differences because they do. It means they have the ability to resolve conflict.
It would be unnatural to not have some discord. People aren’t going to agree on every single thing, plus life can have the stress of work, finances, family, and other things.
A relationship will not be perfect.
But it can be more harmonious.
The best relationships involve authentically confident people.
They love themselves enough to love well.
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