One Secret Quality Men Love
Hint: That sexy librarian knew what she was doing.
“There’s something in the human personality which resents things that are clear, and conversely, something which is attracted to puzzles, enigmas, and allegories.” — Stanley Kubrick
When I fell for Ritchie in high school, I fell hard. My infatuation began in English class. With his Nirvana shirt and love of poetry. With his rockstar hair and Harry Potter glasses. With his whispered heavy metal lyrics and love of Shakespeare.
He was a mystery I longed to unravel. Who was he? Metal-head? Poet? I was clueless, intoxicated by the opposing traits of his personality.
And I don’t think I’m alone in my attraction to complexity. As a matter of fact, I think it’s one of the most universal elements of desire.
Why we hide our sexy
Being categorized is ironically comforting. Even though it limits people’s true understanding of who we are, we feel secure in the box others have placed us in.
After all, if people know you as the girlie girl, the “girl boss,” the quiet bookworm, or the athletic tomboy, it’s risk-free to continue showing yourself to the world in this manner.
It’s also boring.
Are you living the label? You shouldn’t be.
We’re all wonderfully three-dimensional, which means we’re all inherently seductive.
So, all you have to do to enhance your charisma is to be brave enough to step out of your safety zone and show different sides of yourself.
And your physical appearance is one way to do this.
Hair, makeup, and fashion
- Pair a nude look (sheer foundation and mascara) with sparkly lipstick.
- Pair a messy bun with a feminine sundress.
- Pair a ponytail and baseball cap with a smoky eye.
- Pair dress pants and a button-down shirt with a flirty heel, hoop earrings, and a dainty layered necklace.
- Pair ripped jeans and a white tank with a cat’s eye, nude lip, and luminous tinted moisturizer.
- Pair a boho shirt and jeans with a bold lip.
- Pair a business suit with soft curls and pastel makeup.
By mixing and matching style elements that reveal multiple sides of your personality, you create curiosity. You create questions. And there aren’t too many people I know that aren’t intrigued by riddles.
The bottom line
Crayola’s biggest box of crayons contains one hundred and twenty colors. Find a set and take a look at them if you can. Then see, really see, yourself. A part of you is in each color. So don’t be afraid to show it.
“Life is about using the whole box of crayons.” — RuPaul
People will be dazzled because they’ll see you’re not a stereotype or cliché.
You’re a paradox, a vibrant woman who embraces her whole identity instead of simplifying herself for others.
But the most important thing to remember?
Don’t just look the paradox. Live it.
Sing karaoke so loudly that the people in the back of the club can hear you. Memorize Emily Dickinson. Play flag football in the mud.
Just be you. All of you.
If you do, everyone will finally see you’re pretty darn enchanting — including yourself.
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