ESSAY | SPIRITUALITY | PROMPT

On Being Humble

When you are open, everything can be a lesson in humility

I’ve been mulling over Diana’s prompt for this week — all things humbleness. I even started a couple of drafts which at times sounded either self-deprecating or extremely egotistical, neither of which is humbling. I wanted to bring some humor to my thoughts on being humble, but I’ve never done humor very well. I am and have always been a bit too serious and cynical with a tad bit of wit tossed in for confusion. And then a voice in my head said, “Stop trying to be what you aren’t; just be you.” This, in and of itself, has humbled me today. I now know the path this piece will take me on.

I believe that when you open your heart, mind, and spirit, almost every moment becomes a lesson in humility because your focus is less on yourself and more on your surroundings. You become an observer of the five senses in a more profound way. Your attitude turns from ‘what’s in it for me?’ to ‘how can I make things better for everyone?’ — this is humbling.

You suddenly notice the beauty of the Divine’s creation — the vastness of the Universe; each small speck of sand on a beach; the ocean’s breath timed to the cycles of the moon; nature’s cycle of life, death, and rebirth; and the mathematical genius in the pattern of a sunflower and a honeybee’s hive. All of these are humbling.

If you truly want a humbling experience, pay attention to a child who has not yet been tainted by the vast world around them. They see in you beauty and light. They give freely. They share everything. No jealousy, no envy, no deceit. And they say some of the most profound, humbling things. A friend’s five-year-old came up to me one day, handed me a flower, and whispered, “This flower told me to pick it and give it to you to make you smile.” And I did! One could have easily scoffed at such a notion, thinking what an imaginative child; or take what the child said at face-value — perhaps the flower did speak and the child listened. The latter is humbling.

Extreme illnesses can also be humbling. Such was the case for me in 2012 when I was diagnosed with Uterine cancer. I’d had a long history with illnesses, doctors and hospitals up to that point. I’d struggled with mental illness, self-harm and suicidal attempts. And ‘though I’d been treated well during all of these illnesses and hospital stays, nothing prepared me for the kind of care I was given when I went for my chemotherapy sessions. These nurses had seen some patients multiple times. They’d lost some of their patients too. And yet, they always had smiles on their faces and kindness in their touch. I have never been so humbled as I was in their presence.

I’ve had other humbling experiences in my life too, some birthed from ridicule and debasement. For instance, my high school creative writing teacher told me I would never make it as a writer because I wrote more like Stephen King than Beatrix Potter. I didn’t understand her meaning at first and later on realized that she was comparing apples to oranges. And I wonder sometimes if she ever felt guilty for her words to me. In 1983, King had only published nine novels and only had three of them made into movies. Potter had written all of her books in the early twentieth century, a total of 30 books, some later made into movies for children. King has now doubled that number of books at 60+ novels and numerous short stories — with tonnes of them made into movies. Although I was deeply stunned and wounded by my teacher’s words then, I’m honored and humbled now to be compared to Stephen King, even though I know I am definitely not worthy of that comparison.

Finally, because of my struggles with self — confidence, image, worth — I still have this nagging voice in my head that says I am not enough; I’m not worthy. So whenever someone compliments me, for whatever reason, I never feel deserving of their praise. This has been my focus for a long time in therapy. I am slowly learning that I am worthy of praise and it teaches me that I have value. It is also humbling.

©2020 Lori Carlson. All Rights Reserved.

Thank you so much to Diana C. for this week’s most excellent prompt:

Lori Carlson writes poetry, fiction, articles and personal essays. Most of her topics are centered around Relationships, Spirituality, Life Lessons, Mental Health, and the LGBTQ+ community. In addition to writing for Know Thyself, Heal Thyself, Lori writes for eighteen other publications here on Medium. Check out her personal Medium blog — Ravyne’s Nest.