On Becoming a 2.0 Version of Myself
The shift came about through progressing through my 30s, learning to work more intentionally and fiercely with cannabis and mushrooms, and becoming a parent.
Shifting from one version to the next is a gradual process, not an instant transformation. The coinciding of my greater pull toward working with earth medicines and my journey into motherhood was essentially no coincidence. I was rising into my awakened feminine power, and it was through potent medicines and a literal birthing of my child and re-birthing of myself that helped to propel a momentous shift and transformation of my identity, my behaviors, my mindset, and my life path.
Parenthood and working intentionally with earth medicines have equally served to help my up-leveling into a more conscious, authentic, and aligned version of myself. I have shifted from embodying the maiden archetype to the goddess archetype, a symbolic shift that has bestowed upon me enormous responsibility.
And having the gratitude to have made it out of my scattered 20s and mid-30s not only alive but also blessed with a child, I have chosen that all I can do is to consciously rise to the challenges of my new role.
To become a mother has long been a highly contested trope for the rite-of-passage of the shift from girlhood to womanhood. I understand and agree that motherhood — and parenthood — is not for everybody, and it is not the virtue of parenthood that automatically bestows newfound respect upon a person. Becoming a mother does not necessarily make one a conscious adult. Plenty of people have fully embodied what it means to be an adult without carrying the tremendous responsibility of parenthood.
Yet for me personally, becoming a parent was a key part of my journey that helped me to regain accountability, purpose, and alignment in my life. It forced me to take stock of my path, and it’s helped me to reclaim my power.
As a woman, my time, energy, and labor are systematically devalued, in romantic, social, and professional settings. As a woman, I am rewarded for having a certain magnetism, yet men and even women have also often acted dismissively toward me intellectually, as if brains and beauty are two competing traits.
A great book I am reading is Recollections of my Non-Existence, by author Rebecca Solnit. In it, Solnit discusses how often and repeatedly she has been gaslit, ignored, silenced, misrepresented, and misconstrued all because she is a woman.
Solnit wrote, “The problem isn’t really with bodies, but with the relentless scrutiny to which they’re subjected. The problem is being a woman. Or being a woman subject to men” (p. 80). While I didn’t dissociate from my body as Solnit seemingly did because of such relentless male objectification, I let men’s preoccupation with the female body influence my own trajectory for too long.
Becoming a mom has helped me reconnect more fully to my power; and working with earth medicines has helped me to embody myself more fully, my body, spirit, and mind, to understand I am simply a vessel of my spirit. I am a sensual being, but I am also a spiritual one and an intellectual one, and my growth has better taught me to protect my boundaries — to force men who want to engage with me to do so on my terms and level up as well.
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