Old Age is Not For Sissies
And other important lessons I have learned.
I know—I’m kind of weird.
My entire life, when I face something complicated for which I have no experience, I look for books to teach me how.
These days, folks may say ‘Google that’ or ‘watch a YouTube video,’ but I want a book!
When I was a young and unprepared farm woman, I learned to butcher chickens, make cheese, and train a colt — all from books.
Homeschool? Teach reading? No problem — I’ll find a book.
Run a small business? Guerilla Marketing was just the book I needed.
Of course, real life is more complicated than reading a book, but at least it gave me a start.
In my sixth decade of life, I finally had to admit I was facing older age, and I was unprepared.
I loved my wonderful mother-in-law, but her constant refrain as she got older was, “Let me tell you. Getting older is not for sissies. I don’t recommend it!”
Of course, I loved her, and so I would plead, “Don’t say that! The alternative is dying young, and you don’t want that.”
What to do? My own parents died unhappily and unprepared — I needed help.
So, I looked for some books to help. And as I read, I took notes and studied, I’ve been writing about what I’ve learned.
What I’ve read and what I’ve learned. So far.
Healthy Aging: a lifelong guide to your physical and spiritual well-being by Andrew Weil
Besides the fact that Andrew Weil, at 78, is older than me, I love his goal for growing older.
He says, “To age gracefully means to let nature take its course while doing everything in our power to delay the onset of age-related disease, or, in other words, to live as long and as well as possible, then have a rapid decline at the end of life.”
Dr. Weil has long been a proponent of healthy eating and remaining engaged and curious throughout our lives. His book covers an anti-inflammatory diet, physical activities, rest & sleep, touch & sex, and so much more.
Read this book if for nothing more than his description of his own mother’s last months. What a compassionate and intelligent guide!
Successful Aging: A Neuroscientist Explores the Power and Potential of Our Lives by Daniel Levitin
OK, Daniel Levitin is just a wee bit younger than me, but I’m still a big fan. He is a cognitive psychologist, neuroscientist, writer of four New York Times best-sellers, and a session musician with the likes of Sting, Rosanne Cash, and Bobby McFerrin.
He asks the same questions as I do. “As a neuroscientist, I’ve wondered why some people seem to age better than others. Is it genetics, personality, socioeconomic status, or just plain dumb luck? What is going on in the brain that drives these changes.”
Levitin divides his book into three parts: I. The Continually Developing Brain II. The Choices We Make, in which he discusses diet, exercise, and sleep III. The New Longevity, in which he talks about new research and encouraging discoveries.
I love this book, and I’ve read parts of it three times. Finally, I had to return it to the library as others were waiting.
Women Rowing North: Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing As We Age by Mary Pipher
You may remember Mary Pipher is the author of Reviving Ophelia, the book that helped many of us raise our adolescent daughters. Here she’s done a masterful job of discussing the inner life of growing older.
With insight, clarity, and honesty, Ms. Pipher talks about loneliness, loss, and family. But, rather than being depressing, she offers viable suggestions for dealing with these times of transition.
I read this book at a difficult time in my life, early in the times of pandemic, and it helped me enormously.
Last, I’ve read Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande, because isn’t that really the question? Dr. Gawande is a surgeon, writer, and public health leader. But more than that, he’s one of the kindest and most sensitive writers I have ever read.
As a review states, “Riveting, honest, and humane, Being Mortal shows how the ultimate goal is not a good death but a good life―all the way to the very end.”
I loved his wise words talking about the death of his own father. “When I was a child, the lessons my father taught me had been about perseverance: never to accept limitations that stood in my way. As an adult watching him in his final years, I also saw how to come to terms with limits that couldn’t be simply wished away.”
Isn’t that beautiful? And doesn’t it resonate with what we know to be true?
No doubt, I’ll continue reading and learning because that’s what I do. But I feel confident I’m beginning to understand what all these wise people are agreeing on.
Choosing to do the best we can with the life we have.
We should be mindful of our diet, exercise, and sleep. We need to resolve not to shut ourselves away from others and continue being passionate and curious. I feel that I have guides through the unexplored territory and that gives me confidence.
Aren’t books and mentors wonderful? And thanks to wonderful resources such as Middle-pause that serve to lead and inspire!
Cindy Heath grew up on a homestead in Alaska, has lived in Washington, Arizona, and New Mexico. Sign up for her short weekly emails to hear what’s new and interesting in Dripping Springs, Texas.