TASTES LIKE CHICKEN, THEN YOU DIE
NyQuil Chicken Challenge and Other Fun Recipes
You can’t make this stuff up
DISCLAIMER: Oh, and by the fucking way, you CAN cook chicken in NyQuil. Just don’t eat it. It’s guaranteed to taste like shit.
If you doubt my veracity, here it is, from the very bastion of free speech, Twitter.
Idiots, cooking up — then consuming — potentially toxic, even deadly, dishes always gets me thinking.
So, without further ado, I thought to share some of the poisonous recipes from my upcoming, sure-to-be-a-bestseller cookbook, Dirty Dishes.
Mushroom Cloud Gumbo
As they say:
There are old mushroom hunters and there are bold mushroom hunters, but there are no old, bold mushroom hunters.
Balderdash. Play Russian Roulette and pop any old fungus in a pot and cook it up. Start by sharing your treat with the neighbors. Feed and wait 6 to 12 hours. If they’re still living, have at it yourself.
Yum!
Texas Two-Step Chili
Douse your favorite chili fixings in Milk of Magnesia and stand back. Who’s sorry they didn’t hoard TP now?
Excellent with a “Wet-n-Wild” chaser. For the non-cognoscenti, that’s prune juice, 7-Up, and a 50-gallon drum of polyethylene glycol.
Antihistamine Antipasti
Sprinkle the tasteless crap pictured above with your favorite over-the-counter allergy medication.
You’ll pass out from delight and awaken to find all the food still stuck in your bone-dry mouth.
Grilled Linoleum Sandwich
Plain old cheese may gum up the works, but it doesn’t really stick to your ribs.
For a lunchtime treat that’ll stay with your forever, borrow some floor scraps from the kitchen remodel next door and grill yourself a sandwich you’ll never forget.
Additional serving suggestions:
- Substitute 30-weight motor oil for butter on the bread
- Forage for some asbestos, add as garnish
Everyone Loves Dessert
Make your “Mud Slide” with real mud.
Or …
Fill this bad boy with real lava. Melts in your mouth. Then melts your mouth.
I Scream
I scream You scream We all scream For ice cream
Coming up next:
- Beef Stroking-Off — You don’t want to know what happens in some kitchens.
- Orange Julius Caesar Salad — The only greens the Tangerine Turd will touch.
- Crapaccio — Pound your raw meat AND get a fecal transplant, on the cheap.
