INTROVERT / MENTAL HEALTH / PERSONALITY TYPE / 16PERSONALITIES

Now I Know Why I’m So Weird — I Belong To The Rarest Type Of Personality (Part 1)

My ages-long questions answered

Now I’m confirmed I’m not an alien

Oh, my gosh! I belong to one of the rarest types of personality — INTJ(Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging), known as “the architect”.

“INTJ is the rarest personality type for women.” In fact, at about 0.5 percent of the population. ~ Introvert, Dear

No wonder it’s so hard for me to find my tribe! I was also told that it’s a norm that INTJ simply can’t fit into any social settings (well…virtually). Now I know why I always seem like an outcast in many of the social activities, be it all girls or even my own sisters!

Why is this so?

Well, it’s not that I dislike those existing or new female friends, or that I don’t love my sisters. I just feel like something is amiss when the gathering prolongs too long to more than 3 hours. Oftentimes the topics will naturally tune to girl talks which to me is less intellectual-stimulating.

Besides, I also understand why I have more male friends than female friends. I find guys are easier to get along with, ha!

Architects are full of contradictions. They are imaginative yet decisive, ambitious yet private, and curious yet focused. ~ 16personalities

This strikes me like lightning!

I’ve always been asking myself why I have such a contradictory nature? Am I crazy? Is there any part of my brain that is underdeveloped?

This extreme contradiction has caused me many hardships in life. Ambition is in my blood yet my poor people skills always foiled my plan. The more I like a guy the colder my attitude is, how can I not be perceived as the ‘loser’ in this world?

Yes, I have myself to be blamed to a certain extent which is my inborn character. Too bad that I inherited it from my mom.

To make thing worse, my yellowish teeth and a little chest deformity makes me always feel like swimming against the tide!

When I was younger I used to ask myself — why do I feel I don’t belong to this world? Why do I feel so out of sync? Am I from another world? Am I an alien? Am I here to repay my bad karma? Why do I feel uncomfortable with my own species?

After five decades on earth with the advancement of the internet era then only I finally got the answer to my ‘weirdness’.

An Architect (INTJ) loves perfecting the details of life, applying creativity and rationality to everything they do. Their inner world is often a private, complex one. ~ 16personalities

No wonder I’m such a complex person! I’m a born perfectionist. This perfectionism still leaves a trace in me although I’ve tried to tone it down after many rounds of hard knocks!

Now I understand why I had chosen commercial studies over cooking class during secondary school! This is the INTJ trait in me that was in play, ha!

I have never liked guys that are deemed stupid in my eyes. I’ve always liked guys who are smart and intelligent since I was small. Yes — this is another sign of INTJ trait — an advocate of intelligence.

I was blown away by the result of this test

That personality test was a mind-blowing experience for me! All these while I’ve always been seeing it from a spiritual lens where I feel I’m here to repay my bad karma, as I couldn’t find any other better explanation. Although this perspective still holds true for me.

I find it hard to dismiss the spiritual perspective. A fortune-teller already told me that I was a born loner when I was a teenager when I tagged along with my good friend for this visit out of curiosity.

My late father also told me that my love life would be a very difficult one when I was still a kid.

I didn’t take all these to heart and till the age of 50 then I see that all these predictions unfolded accordingly.

But wait… an important trait of INTJ is missing in me…

Even though INTJ explains almost all my quirks and traits, I personally feel that I fall short on high intelligence and I also look very feminine.

I don’t have brilliant academic achievements although I had always been part of the elite students. However, I got eliminated as I went higher to the tertiary level.

Well, maybe I’m the black sheep in INTJ, ha! But this is a very valuable trait… 😥

To me, there are other factors that caused this e.g. my emotional issues and lack of guidance. My yellowish teeth and deformity have caused me lots of emotional turbulence. The self-consciousness, insecurity, and fears have consumed me totally.

These negative energies depleted me emotionally and physically. What’s more, I’m not very strong physically as my mom tried to abort me but failed. The already low energy in me that I’m supposed to use to focus on my studies was diverted to the worries of my problems.

My yellowish teeth made me dare not smile and I appeared to be cold and unfriendly. My lonely childhood has stunted my social skills. My chest underdevelopment made me very self-conscious and I dare not be too active during PE(physical education) class.

There goes my social skills.

“Why are you so ugly? You see, my classmate’s little sister is so pretty!”, “Why does your face look so ugly? It looks like a mouse’s face?” These are from my extroverted sister.

There goes my self-confidence. I’m a highly sensitive introvert.

I had a lonely and unpleasant childhood. This has caused a negative impact on my already deeply INTJ personality and spelled troubles into my adult life, and my life as a whole.

It seemed like I was destined to be a loser in this world.

Parting words

I felt deeply that introverts tend to miss out on opportunities due to their nature. I personally feel that we should be more adaptive and never downplay the importance of people skills and networking.

After all, we are living in this human jungle and we need to be more practical, especially if you’re an ambitious INTJ.

You can take a free test to know more about your personality at https://www.16personalities.com/. Who knows it can give you the answer to your long-time question!

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