Note To Self — Hurt and Anger Don’t Last Forever But Friendship Can

The importance of releasing your anger in times such as this, without hurting loved ones

The last 21 months have brought up differences in opinions and beliefs among friends and rivals alike.

The Covid situation has managed to rile people in unprecedented ways and exacerbate the amount of anger that people feel; towards lockdowns and the devastating effects on people, government failures, businesses going under, financial threats, people choosing not to get vaccinated, censorship on social media — the list goes on and on.

I remember seeing these heightened emotions emerging early on in the first lockdown and realizing that there was immense potential for dividing families and loved ones on matters that would, over time, become insignificant. I swore that the one thing I wouldn’t let happen would be to allow anger and differences of opinion to divide my circle.

But how do we hold together when we can’t control how others feel? Or, indeed, the emotions that we feel?

And do we even want to?

It’s healthy to feel anger

Being intensely self-aware, I feel anger rising in me from the outset. In recent times, it has done so sometimes unexpectedly, and more regularly than I would ever want. But I am only human, after all. And I would rather be flaw-fully human than flawlessly controlled.

Having made the resolve to not allow anger to cause rifts among my family, it has been imperative to find the best way to channel these feelings.

Anger is a natural human emotion. Feeling all of our emotions is normal, and acknowledging and allowing them is healthy.

If someone who loves me is angry with me, I understand. How can I not understand? That is what being human means.

But, if there is one thing that we can and should control, it is how we express it.

Our opinions don’t necessarily need to be shoved down others’ throats

The best thing we can do is to communicate in a healthy and wholesome way with our loved ones, even if we don’t see things in the same way.

Sure, we can let our opinions be known. Sure, we can share the reasons why we feel the way we do. But we can’t force someone else to listen to everything that we think they should do in order to change their mind.

The best way to get anyone to listen to us is to show that we are willing to listen to them. But, even if they still don’t want to listen, it still doesn’t give us the right to try to force it on them.

The best way to love someone is to give them the space to feel their own emotions and not tell them what we think they should be doing.

The issue may feel big, but it is only as big as we make it. We may believe that their choices are harming others, or themselves, but that is our belief, not theirs.

It is our opinion, and that’s all it is. And, to date, an opinion has never been a proven fact, no matter how much science we back it with.

Just look to Google and you will find documentation to back pretty much every opinion that exists. Of course, there is a difference between flawed data and genuine data, and which study disproves the other study. But, in the long run, do you want your relationships with others to be governed by the squabbles in the scientific community?

No matter the argument, an opinion is still nothing more than an opinion, and we need to own that.

We need to find healthy outlets for our emotions

Anger doesn’t need to be taken out on someone. Period.

Anger is not meant to be held onto. It is meant to be let go of.

People we love, however, are a different matter.

It has been proven that the best way to get your anger out in a healthy way is to express it all towards the target of your anger, but not directly at them. In other words, write that email and then delete it before hitting ‘send’. Write the angry text message and then delete it before sending it.

Make up a silly, insulting rhyme about someone and shout it out loud to yourself while washing the dishes. Punch a pillow and yell into it, or go for a run. Anything to release the feeling, get the words out of the stuck space in your head and give yourself the emotional release without hurting someone you love unnecessarily.

Laughter has the power to diffuse anger

My favourite at the moment is to call the target of my anger a ‘stupid turnip’, after my favourite theatre troupe whose name — Le Navet Bete —is French for ‘The Stupid Turnip’. (And whom we are seeing perform this week — our first theatre trip in what feels like forever — YAY!!)

You have no idea how satisfying calling someone a Stupid Turnip behind their back is 😂 — far more satisfying than any foul curse word, I promise you.

Do you know why? Because even if I was to call someone I love a Stupid Turnip to their face, they couldn’t really get offended, even if they are feeling irritated with me.

Because it’s just so…stupid!

Stupid and loveable. Like our best friends should be in a disagreement!

And…I will always be the first to admit that I can be a Stupid Turnip too.

Plus, it makes me laugh, and that is powerful medicine in itself. It is incredible how quickly anger can dissolve when you find a way to laugh through it, and be replaced with lighter feelings of happiness.

And, well, if our irritated loved ones can’t laugh at being called a Stupid Turnip, then they deserve to be called it all the more.

Other times, the challenge can be in how we react to our loved ones taking their anger out on us.

This is no different.

It is really hard to not react, especially when we know that they are wilfully doing something so unhelpful. But they, themselves, may simply be struggling with the self-control side of things.

No matter what, we must hold back from reacting and forgive them despite how it may make us feel.

And call them a Stupid Turnip…because they deserve it and it makes us laugh!

Love first, differences second

Whatever happens, love needs to come before differences, no matter what.

No crisis in the history of planet earth has ever been solved by the division between loved ones. Ever.

On the contrary, it has been the reason behind many crises that could have been avoided. Wars, for instance.

Love is the polar opposite of war, conflict, and crisis. Love is permanent while heightened emotions will always remain impermanent.

Focus on love and we will all pull through this thing stronger.

Today’s shout-out is for Erica Marie and her beautiful relationship-strengthening recipe for more love, gratitude and manifestation.

Thanks for reading!

Here are a few more of my stories for you to chew on: