POETRY

Normal

That's all I want to be

I try to be this perfect person — say the right things, do the right things but for all my efforts, it all comes crashing down like toppled dominoes with pieces scattered across the room, some never to be found.

By now, my pillows have become accustomed to the salty downpour that accompanies my head every night. I find myself wondering, why me? every time, always me. maybe I’m self-absorbed in my assessment. it's probably not always about me or ever at all.

So, why do I feel defective? like the synapses in my brain are skewed, constantly overwhelming my body with shockwaves of emotion. why do I feel everything so acutely? so many goddamn feelings! I am tired of feeling all the feelings.

Why can’t I be normal? talk, live, love, and be loved like normal people? and I try, God knows I try! to be this perfect person, say the right things do the right things.

Still, arduous is my path, riddled with more loss than gain. I’m depleted now. In this state, I am filled with the desire to disappear and fade to nothing. I’d rather feel nothing than feel this I’d rather be nothing than be this.

C.J. Obikile, 2020

31 Days of Poetry — Day 23

Thank you for reading my words. Here’s Day Twenty-Two’s Poem if you’d like to read more: