New Year, New Crap: How I Got Better Problems

And why I’m hoping for even better problems next year.

For me, 2019 was a dumpster fire. My work was crazy for the first five months, I had a $3,500 dentist bill, and a new medication wrecked my sleep and mood until October. On top of that, I was accused of stalking children, had my license plate posted online, and was threatened with death. I was playing Pokemon Go at the time.

To make matters worse, the holidays are always a garbage time of year for me. There is a lot of family crap that comes up around this time of year, and I don’t care to exacerbate any of my neuroses when it comes to family.

So, this year, I’ve been crawling my way to the finish, hoping to end the year on a not-too-low note. Yes, this year sucked, as so many prior years have sucked. It feels like I’ve had a series of consecutive dumpster fires for the past several years.

Or so I thought.

I was complaining to a friend of mine that I trust and has a lot more life experience than I do. I talked about all the crap this year and how it feels like everything has been awful for several years now. Nothing seems to improve.

He pointed out that it’s a matter of perspective.

Yes, work was crazy for five months, but I have a job with recurring deadlines that sometimes pile up, so it happens regularly.

Yes, a new medication wrecked my sleep and mood, but my prescriber listened and took me off them. My other meds are working fine, and I’ve since stabilized, so it’s an easily controllable thing.

Yes, I had a huge dentist bill, but in 2017, I lost $15,000 saving my mother-in-law’s house from a tax auction. By comparison, a $3,500 bill that I was able to cover via installments was not quite so bad.

Yes, I had my car posted on Facebook and got death threats, but in 2017, I was actively suicidal from all the garbage in my life. Thanks to a good group of friends and acquaintances, I was able to get the posts taken down and change my plates. I’m still a bit paranoid, but that will pass with time.

Ultimately, although this year sucked, it was far and away better than what happened a few years ago, and the stuff that happened last year. Yes, there were problems, but they’re much better problems than I had even a year ago.

With the benefit of perspective, it helped me feel like 2019 was a just barrel fire compared to the giant burning trainwreck that was 2017. Things kind of sucked this year, but at least everything isn’t falling apart at the seams.

I’ve come to understand that a lot of this is personal growth. My medications were a problem, but I identified it and got it fixed. The $3,500 bill was unfortunate but necessary, and I formulated a plan to pay it off in relatively short order, and it didn’t wreck our finances. Work was crazy, but work is usually crazy.

While I couldn’t predict that I’d be pegged as a stalker by a concerned father, I handled it about as well as could be expected. I had several friends who were able to recommend corrective actions, and the local Pokemon Go community was kind enough to defend one of their own.

The damage control seems to be holding so far. I will have to deal with some psychological scars, but my brain has been out to kill me for 21 years, so it’s not like I can’t cope. I have a support network in place for just that purpose.

Compare that to two years ago, when I had a nasty breakup with my family, I almost went bankrupt, the stress seemed insurmountable, and I wasn’t sure I’d make it through the year alive. I think this year is okay by comparison.

As we approach 2020, I’m hoping that my problems will continue to improve. Work is going to be crazy again because our budget increased by 50%, but I can handle it. I got my medications adjusted and am taking steps to be healthier. I’m becoming more conscious of my actions in certain situations.

We can’t always control what happens to us in life. Sometimes, life just throws piles of garbage our way, and there’s nothing we can do about it. We just put one foot in front of the other in our march through life.

We can control how we react to life’s twists and turns to a large degree, but sometimes it just becomes too much. That’s okay. Sometimes, we have to fall apart and rebuild. Take the lessons from the experience and fortify the weak parts. Grow, change, keep putting one foot in front of the other.

None of this is revolutionary. A lot of this is such common advice that it’s become a bit trite. But I’m still taking it. I can only control so much in my life, but I can control my reactions to the crap that piles up. So, rather than let it fester, I’ll shovel it to the side and build those mental muscles.

Sometimes, shoveling one load of crap makes the next load just a bit lighter.