New Perspective
Death can Change a Person…

May 18, 2021
One month ago my life was completely different. I’ve written before about my anxiety and depression. Both always caused me to have a short fuse on certain situations. Everything would set me off, even the smallest, most ridiculous thing.
The one thing that kept me at bay usually was my grandfather. For the last 7 years, since his wife passed away, I have kept him company at night. He wasn’t only my grandfather, he was my best friend. My father passed when I was six years old. Since that point, my grandfather was my father figure. We did everything together. He was there for all the big moments in my life… soccer games, camping trips, high school & college graduations. We were inseparable.
Two years ago, he had an incident and from that point on had a live-in nurse. Right away, both of us had to adjust. He was now dependent on someone for everything and I was leaving him in the care of a total stranger.
He was also now dependent on me to take him everywhere. There was a lot of stress on my part. Between making sure he was ok and my job, I had a lot of anxiety which triggered my depression.
And then on April 16th, the bottom fell out completely. I spoke to him that morning like I did each and every morning for the last seven years. Before we hung up, he asked if I would be over that night. My answer as always was yes.
That evening as I was driving to go see see him, the nurse called me in a panic. I couldn’t understand what she was saying, but told her I would be there in a few minutes. Upon my arrival I realized that her panicked voice was because my grandfather had passed away.
My best friend, quite possibly the most important person in my life, aside from my mother, was gone.
It is now a month later and I’m still mourning and not quite right. I took a leave of absence from work and finally started again this past weekend. I don’t really remember too much of anything from the last four weeks. My sleep pattern and my anxiety/depression has been quite the roller coaster ride.
One thing I have done over this past month is change my perspective on life. Losing my grandfather has made me realize that life is short, although he lived to be just shy of 93. He never let anything get to him.
Now, I look at life and have a new motto: It’s not worth letting the little things get to you. Anger is not the answer. I know I have to just take a deep breathe and keep going.
I feel like I have a new lease on life and I have the most caring, wonderful man to thank for that. I miss him dearly, but know he’s watching.
