The Power of a Best Friend | Illumination | Personal Essay

Never Underestimate McDonald’s, Scary Movies, New Best Friends or Diet Coke

My best friend Ann Marie helped me get through some of the worst parts in my life.

You can never underestimate the power of McDonald’s to-go, Diet Coke, and a horror movie.

And you can also never underestimate the power of a best friend.

I have many happy college memories. My friends and I had game nights, we’d go to sports games, we’d run to Cookout, we’d attend retreats with my campus ministry and so much more.

When I think about some of my favorite memories, though, I think mostly about the nights I spent with one of my best friends, Ann Marie, in her dorm and then a year later, in her apartment. I think about the all-curing powers of picking up McDonald’s with a Diet Coke and then watching a horror movie with her after a hard week. I remember how amazed and thankful I was when I realized that someone else loved what I loved, even though many others I know hate those things.

C.S. Lewis said it best: “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’”

I also remember how much fun we had when our friend Joseph joined us. We all screamed and laughed through a horror movie together, then too scared to leave in the dark, we all slept horizontally on Ann Marie’s bed, our feet hanging off the side of the bed a little.

What I loved so much about these nights was that they entailed exactly what I needed. Sometimes that meant having deep talks about our struggles before or after the movie, and sometimes it meant distracting ourselves from those concerns. We didn’t ever say which kind of night we needed; we simply understood and followed each other’s lead.

Despite all of my happy college memories, I have several not-so-happy memories too. People whom I felt interested in ghosted or breadcrumbed me. People took advantage of me. Sometimes I felt overwhelmed by school work and anxiety.

But no matter how much she had to handle herself, Ann Marie was and is always someone I can count on. She’s one of the most validating and affirming people I know. She truly cares about how people are doing and how she can help. She never made me feel bad or burdensome when I needed to vent or cry. She always stood up for me when our other friends teased me, either about my dislike for plain water or about the time I thought a restaurant serving mole was serving a rodent, not a sauce.

According to The Alliance Hypothesis for Human Friendship study, friendship is partially formed by our cognitive mechanisms driving us to create support groups that will help us handle future conflicts. While that may not be the nicest way to say it or the only reason for friendship, Ann Marie has been and I’m sure will continue to be someone who helps me survive the worst.

I’m so thankful that we randomly ended up talking on the sidewalk at Lake Junaluska in the mountains of North Carolina on a retreat. I’m so thankful that we’ve stayed close ever since. From the start of our friendship, I knew I wanted her in my life and that I could trust her with anything. Her loving and supportive nature led me to share more with her than I had with other people. At the same time, we didn’t need to talk to each other constantly to know our love and appreciation for each other or to stay close. We shared similar passions, such as body positivity and feminism. In many ways, we’re practically the same person. Whenever I see her, our friendship feels the same and as strong, regardless of how much time has gone by since we saw each other last.

I’ve always thought of my best friends as my family. I definitely had best friends in high school that I missed in college, and I tried to keep up with them as best as I could. Leaving high school and your friends there to go to college and make new friends can feel scary; feeling like we’ll make friends as close as those can be difficult to imagine. I’m dealing with those same worries now as a recent college graduate who recently moved from North Carolina to Georgia.

But I’m reminding myself that even though it can be difficult to imagine making best friends all over again in a brand new place, I did it once and I know I can do it again. While no one can replace Ann Marie and while she’ll always be one of my very best friends, I’ll make more best friends here too one way or another. I also believe I’ll have less difficulty meeting new people now that we live in such a digital age and can meet people in our area through Facebook groups and events.

I need to continue to put myself out there, having faith that others are putting themselves out there looking for new friends too. I need to continue to share who I am and what I love, even if my interests are unpopular. I need to be the friend I want in someone else, and know that I will meet someone like me who makes me happy.

And all the while, I need to remember that I still have lifelong best friends like Ann Marie to talk to as well.