Netflix’s “Sex/Life” Portrays Swingers in a Bad Light
Why the show was way off the mark in regards to the lifestyle
Netflix premiered a new show on June 25th, 2021 called “Sex/Life.” In case you’ve been living under a rock or in a cave the past 3 weeks, you might want to skip the rest of this article.
CAUTION: SPOILERS AHEAD
Netflix’s description of the show: “A woman’s daring sexual past collides with her married-with-kids present when the bad-boy ex she can’t stop fantasizing about crashes back into her life.”
The show stars the beautiful Sarah Shahi as titular character Billie Connelly, Mike Vogel as Billie’s handsome husband, Cooper Connelly, Adam Demos as Billie's sexy ex-boyfriend, Brad Simon, and Margaret Odette as Billie’s smart and sassy BFF, Sasha Snow.
If you haven’t seen the first season, which composes of 8 episodes I highly recommend that you do now! Overall, the show is great! It has a highly relatable storyline, especially for young mothers like myself. It touches on real issues between married people, adult friendships, and human sexuality. There is a reason why it’s wildly popular on the streaming platform: it’s good!
However, beneath the trend-worthy full-front dick scenes and the witty dialogue, there is an underlining problem with this show.
It portrays swingers in a very bad light.
Again, I warn you SEASON 1 SPOILERS AHEAD!
Background
Story: In episode 4 Cooper is seen talking to his co-worker/bestie, Devon, about wanting to get his mojo back so that he can fuck his wife like he used to. Devon implies that in order to do so, he should go out with him that night and simply flirt with other women. In return, this will increase his “BDE” (big dick energy) and give him the boost he needs to go home and fuck Billie the way she’s been craving.
Devon is a swinger.
Later on in episode 4, Billie is talking with her friend and fellow suburban mom, Trina. Billie is crying about how her marriage has hit a rough patch because she’s been fantasizing about her ex-boyfriend, Brad — to which Trina tells her, “You need to spice things up with your husband. Do it together.”
Trina is Devon’s wife.
Analysis: First of all, the vast majority of swingers would NEVER come out to their vanilla friends, let alone try to pick them up. Discretion is very important in the swinging community, even when it comes to close friends. Only one of my husband’s and my friends know that we swing. That’s it.
Story: By the time we reach episode 7 much has gone wrong in Billie and Cooper’s marriage. In an attempt to help their friends with their failing marriage, Trina tells Billie that she and Cooper need to go somewhere with them tonight. It’s implied that it will help them get back on track.
Fast forward to later that night and the foursome enter a gorgeous home. There are couples dressed in sexy outfits, some participating in sex acts. Sensual music plays in the background as sexual moaning can be heard all around. Billie and Cooper are a bit shocked. Trina tells them that they let the experience be whatever they want it to be. Devon adds that Billie and Devon don’t have to have mind-blowing sex together all the time. By adding other people they can help their marriage.
Billie and Cooper are at a swinger’s party.
Analysis: Most swinger’s parties are invite-only. Bringing a vanilla friend off of the street is not only a rare occurrence but highly discouraged. Party hosts typically use a screening method before adding couples to their party list.
Story: As they walk around they see naked people everywhere fucking. A man offers them a chance to join in which they say thanks but no thanks.
Topless hostess Karen greets them with jello shots. Her husband Dave is off to the side going down on a woman. She tells them to dive right in and then walks away. As they walk around they take in the environment — a couple fucking on a sex swing, group sex on a sofa, and people watching everywhere. Caught up in the atmosphere, Cooper and Billie start to make out and take off some of their clothes. As they do this, everyone stops what they are doing and circles around them — watching. The room gets quiet as Cooper undresses a hesitant Billie. When they stop, Cooper and Billie start bickering about Brad and the party itself. Billie says that “this feels dangerous.” Cooper tells her that the party is something that might be able to help their marriage. Just then, Trina comes up to them. She looks to Billie and asks her to trust her. Then Trina sucks Cooper’s cock, while Billie looks on horrified. All of the other party attendees watch in amusement.
Billie turns to leave and is stopped by Devon. Instead of trying to comfort her, he says that he’s thought about sleeping with her for a long time and that he can give her what she wants. Billie seems disgusted. Cooper sees this and storms into the room! He yells at Devon, who says he deserves a shot with Billie because Trina just blew him. A tit for tat if you will — an even trade. Cooper and Devon get into a fistfight over this.
Analysis: Oh boy, there’s a lot to unpack here! First of all, while many swingers are exhibitionists, not all of them are. The idea that everyone at the party was fucking right out in the open is not realistic. At a real house party, there would be areas for both private and public play.
When everyone stopped having sex to watch Billie and Cooper starting to get down and dirty…yeah, that wouldn’t happen either. That was just weird! Swingers aren’t hyenas that circle their prey.
Also, Trina coming up and just sucking Cooper’s cock without Billie’s consent is not likely to happen, either. Swinging is all about respect and fucking another person’s spouse without it, would not fly! Nor would other swingers stand by while this happened! Many people that attend regular house parties know each other, and if outsiders came in and let that kind of drama happen, they’d give them the boot immediately.
I’m not going to say guys like Devon don’t exist in the world of swinging, because they do. There are men that think they are God’s gift to women and can bring it in the bedroom where other men cannot. But, the difference here is the fact that Devon implied that he was owed sex with Billie. Trina went down on Cooper without Billie’s consent. Billie wanted no part of it. In the lifestyle, swinging is between 4 people. Four consenting people. What happened between Cooper and Trina was not that. Nobody owed anyone anything.
Story: Later, Trina tells their mutual friends that it was Billie’s idea to go to a sex party. Billie confronts Trina. Billie tells her that she doesn’t want a marriage like hers and Devon’s. She doesn’t want Cooper fantasizing about other women or worst, acting on it.
Later on, the audience finds out Devon was inspired by Cooper’s renewed focus on his monogamous marriage and insists that he and Trina stop swinging.
Analysis: In real life, Trina wouldn’t have been talking to her other vanilla friends about the events at the sex party. She certainly would not have instigated any bullying towards Billie because of swinger drama. The truth is vanilla life and swinger life hardly ever cross paths. Most swingers prefer it this way.
The view Billie had on swinging was one many people have that aren’t “in it.” They think swinger fuck whoever they want whenever they want, and this is not at all true. The truth is fucking other people outside of our marriage, with our partner’s consent AND involvement brings most couples closer together.
Devon stopping swinging with Trina could happen, but it’s highly unlikely. Before the party, Devon and Trina seemed to actually have their shit together. How is going back to monogamy going to fix a problem that isn’t even there? Answer: It isn’t.
Takeaway
“Sex/Life” misses the mark really badly on the lifestyle. The way it portrays swingers as sex-crazed, unethical, weirdos is stereotypical. For a show that seems to promote both male and female sexual desire and exploration, this really surprised me. The swinging lifestyle is one of the most open, welcoming, and sex-positive groups out there.
At the end of the last episode of season 1, Billie does finally go to her ex-boyfriend, Brad, and fucks him — cheating on her husband. For a woman that had strong morals and opinions against people living out their desire to fuck other people, this seems pretty hypocritical. In the end, she did it herself. The difference is that she did it behind her husband’s back and without his consent.
One has to ask themselves, are swingers and others that practice any kind of ethical nonmonogamy the ones that have it wrong, or is everyone else?
© Keeva Black, 2021. All rights reserved.
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