Seasoned Swingers Guide To Dating a Newbie Couple
Some tips from a couple that’s done it several times.
So you want to date a newbie couple? A hot new couple has reached out to you or joined the pool of swingers on your favorite swinging dating site, and you are wondering what the fuss is all about? Dating newbies comes with it’s own set of positives and negatives. Here are some tips Mr. Black and I have put together to help you navigate the world of newbies in the Lifestyle:
Communication
Like all things, talking things out will be key to swinging with a newbie couple. This might include discussing each other’s comfort levels, boundaries and rules. As a seasoned swinger couple, you likely already have your list established, but keep in mind that newbies often don’t or they haven’t cemented theirs yet.
Take the initiative and open a dialogue for discussions about what they are and aren’t okay with. Talk about what they are looking for in the Lifestyle, what kind of sex they are seeking and what kind of experiences they may or may not have had so far.
Take the Lead
As the veteran couple, you will have to take point with a newbie couple. This might include asking the hard questions (condom usage, kinks, etc.) and really listening to what they want and keeping that in mind during the entire experience. Believe it or not, but part of this might include being good role models.
The truth is a couple’s first time is really important and it can determine whether or not if they will swing again. Mr. Black and I go into every newbie situation with the mindset that we are the unspoken representatives of the LS for this couple. With that, comes the responsibility to not act like assholes, be too pushy or just completely turn them off. We have heard tales of a couple’s first time experience being their last because the couple that they swung with did such a bad job. Just try to be yourself and give them the time they may need to get comfortable, and with all of this in mind, you should do just fine in this endeavor.
Don’t Be Afraid To Coach
When meeting newbies, be prepared to field some odd questions and requests. Many new couples have an idea in their heads about how they think swinging will be. Most have concerns of jealousy, safe sex and what will be happening during the act of intercourse. With newbies, it is almost better to break everything down into smaller parts. Talk to them about your own experiences in the Lifestyle, including what you’ve learned and what you would have done differently. Obviously your journey and theirs will be two different things, but opening up about your own encounters will put them more at ease and feel more connected to you.
The Horizontal Dance
If you are able to make it to the bedroom with a newbie couple, this is the most important part of all. What happens here will stay with them until the end of their swinging days. They will talk about it to others for years to come.
No pressure…or…some.
The best thing to do here is to take things slow. Start with kissing, petting or touching your swap partner. Then, asking how their spouse feels. Use a scaffolding method during the first time. Whether the four of you want to do a soft or a full swap, this method works perfectly. If all parties are feeling comfortable and actual penetration happens, it might be a good idea to all be on the same bed. This will provide the newbies with a chance to still touch one another and see what the other duo is up to, as well as give you and your spouse a closer connection in order to keep comfort levels nice and even.
In conclusion, newbies can be a lot of fun and a lot of work- most of which depends on the newbie couple. Some newbies think they are ready for the commitment that comes with swinging, when they really have no idea what they are in for. Sometimes there are couples that know exactly what they want, but it ends up playing out totally different. Mr. Black and I have been with two newbie couples ourselves. Traditionally, we prefer seasoned swingers simply because they already know the drill.
But, when we decided to go down the newbie path, we did it with the best of intentions and the understanding that we would have to do right by them. We took things slow, allowing both couples to be the driver of our time together. One couple we ended up full swapping with and now consider great friends who have been thriving in the LS. With the other couple we never made it past first base and they have since decided to hold off on swinging for now. We are still vanilla friends with them, though. Neither couple we regret getting involved with. Just take a moment to really consider if you will have the time, patience and ability to mentor a new couple.
If the answer is no…then don’t do it!