DECEMBER DOC FUNNY WORD PROMPT
Nerd Caught Stealing Six-Pack at Television Event
The Dr. Funny 12(ish)-word challenge December 2022
Witchita, KS — At a local television event, a nerd was caught stealing a six-pack. It is unclear why, as a six-pack costs around $10, depending on your level of zeal for craft beer, and tickets for the event cost almost $60.
At the event benefiting the local food bank, there was a magician to entertain the children, various food trucks, and musicians to entertain the crowd.
For some reason, the nerd walked across the parking lot in plain sight and stuffed his pants with beers and various tube meats and cheeses. Security at the event told us that he refused to pay for them and that none of his theivery made any sense.
“Why would you pay to get in here just to risk getting caught stealing charcuterie and beer?”, officer Vaughn told us. “It’s apparent this guy has some real problems.”
As we found out, it was true. The self-described “nerd” has some serious mental health issues. According to a local psychiatrist, it appears he has a significant disorder of some kind. We caught up with him to ask him some questions.
“Sir, can you tell us what happened here today?”
“I need several species of small, furry animals and record sales have been blamed for supply chain issues in the rainforest. And the abused hurricane denounces the war on the border.”
We didn’t know how to respond. “Sir, can you tell us why you stole beer and meat?”
“Gandhi!!!! Research calls attention …. I got Caught Stealing, once, when I was 5!….to the elderly mountaintop only for punk bands to eat abused celebrities on THEIR PIZZA!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!”
He then ran off into the woods, screaming “Jesus Chad ate my dog and stole my bong!!!!!”
All accounts are that the man had been normal, but when he started trying to churn out thousands of words per day and write an article or two a week on Medium, he completely lost his fucking mind.
Having no response, we talked to the magician.
“I suspected crack, but it turns out he’s stone-cold sober. It turns out he’s just a writer. Apparently, he tried to do NaNoWriMo in November and he absolutely microwaved his mind.”
This report was corroborated by several of the children who know the nerd, saying he was completely normal before trying to write his book. We wanted to see what the children, ranging in age from 7–12, thought.
One of the older children attending spoke to us as the younger ones looked on. “That guy is totally bonkers since he became a writer. He used to hang out here and smile at us, buying us balloons and stuff, and now he paces endlessly and mumbles about the buried corpse of his writing career. He’s scary.”
The man remains in police custody and will likely be committed.
I’m late for the Dr. Funny challenge this month because I was busy eating all the turkey and pie in Pennsylvania. Here are this month’s words. The words should be good enough for you wackos to make something out of. I think they are ripe with possibility.
— Television Event — With — Money — Stuffed — Caught Stealing — Buried — Magician — Six-Pack — Nerd — Children — Delivers —At
- Bonus word: Christmas
Tag me in your responses you ironic reprobates.
Here’s last month’s challenge: