Navigating the Storm — My Menopause Journey

Feeling like an exploding volcano, running riot through sweaty scenarios

This story is going to be about my dilemma with menopause from when I turned 40 years old to 55 years old. Some call it the change, but in my case, it’s the ‘evil menopause’, given the way it wreaked havoc on my daily routine.

The Change

As I entered the beginning of my forties, a sense of change started creeping into my life, something I was only partially prepared for, and that was menopause.

It’s strange how we often associate menopause with older women, but there I was, standing at the threshold of this transformative phase, grappling with a roller coaster of physical and emotional challenges that led me to an awful realization that I was getting older.

The problem was no one ever talked about it.

The only person that had talked about it to me was my mother. She hadn’t mentioned much on the topic but she did mention that she’d suffered from it. From having to go on hormone replacement therapy to having a hysterectomy, she had suffered painfully for years even though I hadn’t realized it.

Then, after she was taken off HRT, she got breast cancer. So, you can see why going on hormone replacement therapy scared the crap out of me. So, going through the ‘evil menopause’ was a scary dilemma.

Peri-menopause

The first sign of suffering for me was the irregularity in my menstrual cycle. For years, I’d grown accustomed to the rhythm of my body, and suddenly, it seemed like my hormones were playing a game of hide-and-seek.

Some months, my monthly menstrual cycle arrived unannounced, leaving me caught off guard, while in others, I would wait anxiously, wondering if it would ever come. The unpredictability was frustrating, to say the least. Also, women hate to talk about this problem, or in the past they did, so we never knew what was really going on. Even our mothers didn’t explain it.

Peri-menopause invaded my life and I hadn’t even known.

During my journey through peri-menopause, my body went through a series of unexpected changes, one of which was the thickening of my womb lining. It was a phase that caught me off guard, I’d heard about various symptoms associated with peri-menopause, but this was something I hadn’t anticipated.

It all began with irregular periods.

My menstrual cycle, which had been like clockwork for most of my life, suddenly became unpredictable. Some months, my periods were unusually light. I initially brushed this off as a natural part of aging, thinking that my body was simply adjusting to the next phase of life.

However, things took an unexpected turn. I experienced a long course of heavy bleeding for six weeks non-stop. When it didn’t stop after two weeks, I assumed it was just a one-time occurrence — perhaps a result of stress or some other factor. But when it went on and on, eventually passing three weeks, I knew it was time to seek medical advice.

After consulting with my GP at my local doctor’s surgery, I learned it was peri-menopause that might be causing it. The doctor gave me medication to stop the bleeding. It didn’t stop. After four weeks of bleeding, I began to feel faint and groggy. I was sent to a Gynecologist. By then I was six weeks into this horrible mess.

Tests

The Gynecologist did some tests and explained to me what caused my bleeding. I learned that the thickening of my womb lining, known as endometrial hyperplasia, was the culprit.

The Gynecologist explained that during peri-menopause, hormonal fluctuations can lead to an imbalance between estrogen and progesterone, causing the lining of the uterus to thicken.

This thickened lining can result in heavy bleeding and, in some cases, increase the risk of developing other conditions. I had blood tests to check my hormone levels and I was high in estrogen. I was sent to have a hysteroscopy (see my article on my experience with this here), to determine whether my womb was cancerous along with any other abnormalities.

My doctor recommended a series of tests, including a biopsy, to determine the extent of the thickening and rule out any potential complications. While the idea of undergoing these tests was a bit unsettling, I knew it was crucial for understanding my body’s changes and ensuring my overall health.

Waiting for the test results made me anxious. I found myself reflecting upon how much I’d taken my reproductive health for granted. Now, faced with the reality of peri-menopause, I realized the importance of staying attuned to my body’s signals and seeking medical attention when things felt off.

Mirena Coil

Fortunately, the test results showed that while the thickening was a concern, it hadn’t progressed to a dangerous stage. My doctor recommended a combination of lifestyle changes and, if necessary, hormonal therapy to help regulate the imbalances causing the thickening. So, during the hysteroscopy, (read about my experience with hysteroscopy), I was fitted with a Mirena coil that releases hormones.

I vividly remember the mixture of excitement and nervousness that swirled within me. It was a decision I’d pondered over for quite some time, considering the benefits and potential challenges that would come with this small, T-shaped device that would soon become a part of my body.

Little did I know, this journey would push me toward a world of hormonal changes.

I didn’t think I needed this device because I wasn’t suffering from any other symptoms at this point in my life. My Gynecologist was shocked that I hadn’t suffered any hot flashes because he said my hormones were all over the place.

I couldn’t help but feel a pang of anxiety about this so I decided to have the Mirena coil which was a nightmare for me but I will talk about this later.

Of course, at the time I didn’t know that the Mirena coil would cause problems for me after the pandemic (five years after I had it fitted).

In the days that followed, I began to notice subtle changes in my body. The Mirena coil, designed to release a low dose of levonorgestrel, a synthetic form of the hormone progesterone, was now at work within me. It didn’t take long for me to sense the gentle shift in my menstrual cycle.

Some women might experience a reduction in their periods or even the complete cessation of them, which was my experience. It was as if my body was finding a new rhythm.

Emotionally, I found myself on steadier ground as well.

While my hormonal fluctuations used to send me on rollercoaster rides of mood swings, the Mirena coil seemed to provide a sense of emotional stability. I felt more even-keeled, less prone to the intense emotional dips that used to catch me off guard.

This newfound balance was a breath of fresh air, allowing me to engage with my daily life without being hijacked by hormonal turbulence.

Of course, every journey has its bumps in the road, and mine was no exception. The convenience of not needing to worry about birth control on a daily basis was liberating.

The newfound comfort was not having a menstrual cycle anymore was the coil at work. At this point I reached menopause and after one year of no menstrual cycle, I was post-menopausal.

As time went on, I settled into this new chapter of my life. I embraced the changes it brought, not just physically, but emotionally as well. The steady release of hormones became a reassuring presence, a silent partner in my journey.

My experience might be unique to me. But I couldn’t help but marvel at how this small device, armed with hormones, had the power to transform my relationship with my body.

A Bumpy Journey

Looking back, I’m grateful for the day I made the decision to explore this avenue of birth control. It diminished the thickening of my womb lining and fixed the heavy bleeding.

I have to say the coil was a relief but during the time it was inside me, it caused much discomfort and pain. I didn’t know that this was the cause. I thought I was suffering from urinary tract infections (UTIs). They became a problem for me after about a year of having it fitted. I was forever going to see my doctor about it.

I felt brilliant once I made the decision to have it removed. Once it was out, I realized it’d been the cause of my UTIs.

Post-menopause

Six months went by and I felt great until I didn’t. At 55 years old, I became a hot sweaty breathless mess. I wasn’t taking any hormone replacement therapy, so I knew I needed something.

One day when I was out with my grandsons I nearly fainted from a sweaty hot flash. It stopped me from breathing and I collapsed. I thought I was having a heart attack!

You might think this is crazy but I warn you it is not. Believe me when I tell you that menopause is no joke! I was now post-menopausal and I thought at this point I wouldn’t have hot flashes or any symptoms for that matter.

But the physical changes were just the tip of the iceberg. Hot flashes became an unwelcome companion, invading moments of calm like an unexpected summer heatwave.

One moment, I’d be engrossed in a conversation, and the next, my face would flush, beads of sweat forming at my temples. The embarrassment was real.

I strategically position fans around my living spaces, ready to combat the sudden surges of heat.

The sleep disturbances were perhaps the most taxing. What was once a peaceful night’s rest turned into a battleground with my own body.

Nights were punctuated with tossing and turning, blankets thrown off and pulled back on as I grappled with the alternating sensations of being too hot and too cold. Waking up each morning felt like stepping out of a warzone — depleted and unrested.

Emotionally, the journey was equally challenging.

Mood swings took me on a wild ride through a whirlwind of emotions. One moment, I’d be laughing with friends, and the next, I’d feel an overwhelming sense of sadness without any apparent trigger.

Another problem was having bouts of unrelated thinking and memory loss with brain fog that clouded my judgment. For example, when it came to studying and writing assignments during a philosophy course for my BA degree (a late-in-life goal I challenged myself on — read my about me article here), my brain started to scramble.

It was like being on an emotional tightrope, constantly trying to maintain balance while navigating through the storm within.

Navigating these changes was not without its moments of reflection. I found myself reminiscing about the stages of my life when my body seemed so familiar, so reliable. I realized that menopause was not just about physical changes; it was a profound reminder of the passage of time, of transitions that are inevitable yet so deeply personal.

Davina McCall

Through it all, I began to learn patience — patience with my body, which was undergoing a natural transformation, and patience with myself, as I adapted to this new normal.

I sought solace in connecting with other women who were experiencing similar challenges. Sharing stories and advice became a lifeline, reminding me that I wasn’t alone in this journey.

One of these women was Davina McCall on Instagram talking about her menopause journey. I even bought her book, Menopausing, to try and gain some perspective of why I was suffering so much.

Davina McCall talks about menopause in her videos on Instagram and Facebook. I followed her religiously which helped me to see what I needed to do.

Watch her video on HRT below:

I reflect on my menopause problems and I can’t help but acknowledge the resilience that emerged from this experience. Yes, it was a difficult phase, one that tested my physical and emotional limits, but it also marked a phase of growth.

Menopause became a reminder that I was stepping into a new chapter of my life — one imbued with wisdom, self-discovery, and the strength to weather any storm that came my way.

Of course, I didn’t leave it at that. I pushed myself to see a Gynecologist again. I knew what I needed and that was hormone replacement therapy.

Thanks to Davina McCall’s book and all of her talks on Instagram, I was better equipped with what I needed in my body.

Dr. Louise Newson

Now, I am on bioidentical synthetic hormone replacement therapy which is one pill a night of Utrogestan 100 mg and two pumps of Estrogel that I rub into my upper arms every night before I go to bed.

It is working and I feel great again. No more hot sweats. The bioidentical hormone has helped me so much.

Of course, women think that taking HRT will give them breast cancer, or womb cancer.

My mother had breast cancer after taking the old form of HRT. Now there is a new bioidentical hormone replacement therapy which is a synthetic hormone replacement therapy similar to our own hormones.

This is discussed in depth in Dr. Louise Newson’s video below. She explains how these hormones work and who can take them.

So, whatever you do, never leave yourself feeling unhappy and a hot mess of problems. Always seek help!

Here are two related stories I recommend reading here on Middle Pause.

Denise Larkin

I am a 57-year-old wife and mother to two sons along with being a writer of fictional stories and novels. I love writing poetry here on Medium and I am also the Editor of The Lark Publication.