Myth-Busting About the Gendered Nature of Domestic Violence
How to confidently respond to the naysayers and abuse deniers.
We’ve just celebrated International Women’s Day again, designated the 8th March, when women’s achievements are highlighted. It’s also a day that acts as a focal point in the movement for women’s rights.
To mark this day every year, Jess Phillips stands up in the British parliament debating chamber and reads out the names of all of the women killed by men in the UK over the previous year.
Year after year, the list gets longer.
“I read these names not only to continue to highlight how male violence can terrorise ordinary women’s lives but to pay tribute to them and those who didn’t survive, and give them the opportunity to be heard because the reason these women are no longer with us is because they are hard to see, they are hard to hear and they are hard to believe.”
— Jess Philips, Labour Party MP
Domestic violence is a gendered crime
It’s really important to understand that domestic violence and abuse is a gendered crime. It is a very emotive topic to write about and it often gains a disproportionate number of comments from irate men asserting that men are just as affected by domestic abuse. They are not. And this argument just muddies the waters and gets in the way of working towards change.
When we talk about a crime being gendered it is when it is statistically one gender that is solely affected or the majority affected specifically by this crime.
The World Health Organisation gives a figure of 30% of women having experienced violence by an intimate partner.
Almost a third of all women around the globe at some point have experienced domestic abuse.
When we start talking about how domestic violence affects women primarily, these conversations can be difficult to navigate and emotionally draining.
The United Nations defines gender-based violence in the following way:
“The definition of discrimination includes gender based violence, that is, violence that is directed against a woman because she is a woman or that affects women disproportionately. It includes acts that inflict physical, mental or sexual harm or suffering, threats of such acts, coercion and other deprivations of liberty.”
This year, Sara Everard’s name was added at the end of the list of women killed at the hands of men.
To draw attention to this recent terrifying crime, Jess Phillips stated, “This International Women’s Day debate comes in the shadow of the menace of male violence against women.”
“Women will find no reassurance at all in the Metropolitan Commissioner’s statement that, and I quote, ‘it is extremely rare for a woman to be abducted off the street’. Women know abduction and murder is just the worst end of a spectrum of everyday male threat to women.”
“We love to count data about our own [political] popularity. However, we do not currently count dead women. No government study is done into the pattern every year of victims of domestic abuse who are killed or commit suicide or who have died suddenly.” — Jess Phillips
Causes of Violence Against Women
Violence against women, or VAW, is more likely to be perpetrated when a number of circumstances exist, such as inequality, poverty, men raised by abusive fathers, substance abuse.
Violence is a global problem, but women and girls living in poverty are even more at risk. Often, survivors can’t get medical support because they can’t afford it or because they are too far away from a hospital.
But domestic violence can affect anyone, from any walk of life and the perpetrators range from busboys to board members and everything in between.
According to the WHO, gender inequality and norms on the acceptability of violence against women are a root cause of violence against women.
Violence against women and girls is both a consequence and cause of inequality between women and men.
What creates a domestic abuser?
The age-old belief in men’s domination over women, which was often supported by economic, social, cultural, and religious institutions, made it acceptable for men to use violence as a way to control women. As the United Nations Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women stated,
Violence against women is a manifestation of historically unequal power relations between men and women, which have led to domination over and discrimination against women by men and to the prevention of the full advancement of women. … [V]iolence against women is one of the crucial social mechanisms by which women are forced into a subordinate position compared with men.
An international examination of male violence against women reveals that it is a universal constant — it appears in practically every culture throughout the world and is tolerated by many governments. Many groups, including the United Nations, believe that collaborative international efforts are needed to address this far-reaching health and social problem.
There is a societal responsibility to change this archaic belief system that results in the oppression and domination of women in domestic settings.
The role of the patriarchy
Was it ever considered acceptable for a woman to raise her hand to punish her errant husband? No, nor should it be.
But it was a protected right for a husband to chastise his wife up until the law was overturned in the late 19th century. And it wasn’t until the late 20th century that marital rape became recognized as a crime in many parts of the world.
Men’s perception of women as their property gives them a sense of entitlement to behave a certain way towards them. Until women are seen as equals in every sense, this attitude prevails.
Our personal responsibility
“Sometimes you have perpetrators who have that very narcissistic personality, whose mother made them feel that they were the best thing ever. When they were told off, they defended them. It was almost like, ‘My son can do no wrong.’ And they created this narcissistic monster who thinks that they can just waltz through life getting their own way.”
— forensic psychologist Keri Nixon
This might sound too much like taking the blame from the abuser and directing it at the parents but I have seen this in action, and it is extremely dangerous and damaging parenting behavior.
We all have a responsibility to call out bad behavior in anyone we know but all the more important during childhood and school years.
With the rise in domestic violence particularly steep in young people, we know that there is a need to tackle sexist and misogynistic attitudes among boys and young men before they escalate into mistreatment of girlfriends and life partners.
SafeLives Children’s Insights data found that nearly all (95%) of young people (age 13–17) experiencing intimate partner violence were female.
“These young people will often lack an understanding of healthy relationships, or need help to control behavior that they know is wrong. Changing the attitude and response of these young people is as important as holding them accountable for their behavior.”
What about violence against men?
One of the arguments brought forward by men every time the subject of VAW is brought up is that domestic abuse is experienced by men as well.
I’m sure that their agenda is not to take attention away from violence against women, but it does chip away at the crux of the issue every time it is raised because women then feel the need to explain and justify the focus on violence against women.
While men experience significant and also unacceptable amounts of violence, the vast majority of perpetrators of these violent crimes are also men.
Both women and men are more likely to experience violence at the hands of men and all of this violence is unacceptable.
We do not seek to ignore their experience, however, the root causes of men’s violence against women are very different from the causes of other types of violence.
The causes of men’s violence against women are rooted in gender inequality which is why we need to tackle the social attitudes that allow this inequality to continue.
As women, we all know how it feels to be intimidated by men. Like it or not, they are almost all stronger and more powerful than we are.
At least a third of my close friends have experienced domestic violence and/or coercive control in intimate relationships.
This ties in with the UN figures of a third of women being affected globally. The numbers are high and the costs to women’s lives and mental health are both destructive and excessive.
There is the abuse of men, by same-sex partners and more rarely by their female partners. It is statistically more likely to consist of an isolated incident rather than a sustained, repeated pattern of behavior. It is statistically far less likely to result in physical injury or death.
This interview with Caroline Criado Perez counters some of the arguments brought forward by men seeking to negate the issue of domestic abuse as a gendered crime.
The man sitting next to her shakes his head as Caroline reels off statistics about the alarming level of violence against women in the UK alone. As she talks about women being beheaded in London, he shakes his own head in disbelief, as if denial of these factual events lends support to his erroneous claims.
Caroline has made a career out of examining the statistics of male gender bias in all segments of our daily lives as set out in her compelling bestseller Invisible Women.
There is no denying the global facts:
- 85% of domestic violence victims are women
- 137 (approx) women are killed by an intimate partner or family member every day
Domestic violence affects any woman, anywhere
While there have been many positive changes, there is still a lot of work to do. New expressions of violence are developing or coming to light, including online abuse and threats of revenge porn by partners or ex-partners. New laws are having to be made to protect women being affected by these gendered crimes.
Some groups of women, such as disabled women, lesbian, bisexual and transgender women, and Black, Asian, and minority ethnic women, are more likely to be affected by men’s violence yet face extra barriers to accessing justice. Until we end all forms of violence against all women, we need to continue to campaign for change.
Conclusion
Women are disproportionately affected by domestic violence. Some people might not like that fact but it still remains factually correct. If you are faced with an argument, it can be exhausting, but if you arm yourself with a handful of facts and statistics, it is easier to respond confidently.
This is not a problem that is going away, it is getting worse. The pandemic has brought it to a major global crisis level.
Until we tackle the pervasive issue of domestic violence directed towards women, it is not going to go away.
Where is the proportionate reaction to defend us against this pandemic? It requires more than women’s charities to bring about change.
It requires a global solution to a global problem.
If this resonated with you, read more here:
References:
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women
https://www.focusforhealth.org/the-role-of-patriarchy-in-domestic-violence/
https://safelives.org.uk/sites/default/files/resources/Safe%20Young%20Lives%20web.pdf
