Privileged Men Expect Women to be Grateful for Scraps From Their Table

When will we be allowed to fight for true equality?

It never ceases to amaze me how many men are willing to wade into the comments section on a piece of feminist writing and offer their unsolicited opinions.

Some of them will be supportive, but I’m talking about the other men. Those men who want to say “enough with feminism already, get back in your place.”

They might not say it in such blatantly sexist words, but their sentiment is still very visible and clear. The words of a faux-feminist man are often see-through.

When I wrote this article about sexism I expected it to provoke backlash comments. You can always tell, before hitting the publish button, which topics will draw them out from their hiding places.

Aren’t you happy yet?

One recent commenter on the above article, was keen to point out to me that the speaker of the House of Representatives in the US is a woman. Yes, she is. And your point is…? In fact, I’ve pasted the entirety of his comment below, as I find it worthy of counter-comment.

“Isn’t Nancy Pelosi Speaker of the House second in line to be President? At times she appears to the most powerful politician in the Federal government. There were a few woman running for President and soon we will have a female Vice President. And there are many prominent women in both houses as well. It wasn’t always this way but I think we need to update our thinking. Yes, know there is more progress to be made.” (sic)

Ignoring the obvious factual errors that could be attributed to typos, I have a few questions:

Who is he referring to as the “we” that needs to update their thinking? And update it to what, exactly? Is it that women need to update their thinking to a point of acceptance that we’ve achieved all the progress we’re going to make so we should shut up now? Er, no, thank you.

We’re not equal, yet

Pelosi herself stated:

“Guided by the leadership of an historic number of women Members of Congress, House Democrats are working to empower all women to be full and equal participants in our economy, our society and our democracy. In recognition of the innumerable contributions and continued leadership of America’s women, we will never stop fighting to advance the cause of freedom, equality and justice for all.”

In other words, we’re not done yet. We’re not done fighting.

She has also taken a visible stand in Congress for women by wearing all-white outfits in reference to women’s suffrage, as has Kamala Harris more recently.

At first glance, my article commenter could be perceived as supporting women’s progress and applauding their achievements.

But including the words “update their thinking” puts a different twist on it. And the challenge implicit in the opening question grates on me. “Isn’t Nancy Pelosi…?” He might as well have asked, “Haven’t we allowed some of you into the odd position of relative power already?” “Haven’t we done enough to keep you quiet yet?”

Will it ever be enough?

When Ruth Bader Ginsburg was asked how many women she would be happy to see in the Court, she had this to say:

“When I’m sometimes asked when will there be enough [women on the Supreme Court] and I say, ‘When there are nine,’ people are shocked. But there’d been nine men, and nobody’s ever raised a question about that.”

It’s a very valid point. But a disappointing percentage of Americans believe that women have enough equality already.

In the U.S., women make up nearly half of the entry-level workforce but comprise only a fifth of the C-suite and just 7.4% of Fortune 500 CEO seats. This is despite the fact that women earn nearly 60% of bachelor’s and master’s degrees, meaning there is no shortage of qualified women in the pipeline.

The reasons that women are not progressing at the same level as men are complex, not simplistic. That doesn’t mean we have to accept things the way they are.

What do we do about it?

We can all educate the men in our lives about the reality of living as a woman in a world skewed towards men. We can vocally support other women when they write about issues that impact women. Support women’s views and women’s voices.

I want to highlight a brilliant and very credible article about the use of the descriptor “female” written by Raven J. James.

Raven received a mansplaining comment on this article, from someone telling her what she was saying was wrong. He actually cited the dictionary definition of “female” as a counter-argument, as if that in any way supported his bogus claim that it is not an emotive and derogatory term.

If men know there is more progress to be made and want to support that, they’re not doing it by telling women their views and feelings are wrong. Or by pointing out the progress achieved already, the inference being that this should be enough.

It’s as if those men are saying we’re not calling you b*tches, but we are gonna call you “females” to keep you in your place and you should accept that.

If we don’t stand up for our fellow women we are part of the problem. The patriarchy wants us to stay silent, compliant and complicit by default.

I heard a guy at work the other day referring to a colleague as part of the female species. We’re not a different species, we’re women. You know, human beings, just like you think you are. Come on guys, give us our due.

Steer the conversation

That’s just not acceptable. I have three daughters in their twenties. I want a different world for them — one where they are not ogled and groped, propositioned, or harassed in the street. Or overlooked for jobs or promotions because of the gender on their birth certificate and therefore on their CV.

Or referred to as “females” as a pejorative term, instead of the women they are.

The only relevance of gender to employment is that women are demonstrably better at leadership than the men we usually gravitate towards.

We’re still getting it wrong. It’s important for future generations to get it right. If we stay quiet we are letting the situation roll-on unchallenged.

Final word

When will it be enough? When we have true equality. We shouldn’t accept scraps from the table of privileged men, because we deserve to take our rightful place — to sit at the head of the table, or preferably as King Arthur mythically created, a round table where everyone has equal seating. And when that happens, the world will be a better place.

Don’t accept scraps, fight for your rightful places.

Women’s slice of the pie is 50%. Don’t settle for crumbs.

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