My Virgin Partner Dumped Me, Because He Couldn’t Figure Out How to Have Sex, And He Blamed Me for His Failure — an Interview

Having sex for the first time can be a challenge, but being with the wrong person can lead to a horrible experience.

People around us have many fascinating stories, and sometimes those stories relate to intimacy and sex. After conducting the previous interview, I realized readers are interested in unusual life situations, so I would like to offer another interview. It’s again going to be about the first sexual experience.

A friend of mine confessed to being traumatized by a miserable relationship when she was 20, and lack of sex wasn’t even the worst part about it — her former partner was. We will call my friend Eva (not her real name), and her romance story is below.

Interviewer: Hi, Eva. Thank you for letting me interview you about your past relationship. I was quite astonished when you told me about it. Can you please describe the experience in a few words?

Eva: Absolutely. I was 20 when I started dating Olaf (not his real name). We dated for three months, and we decided to take things to the next level. We were both virgins, and we attempted to have sex a few times, but it didn’t work. After trying twice or so, he went ballistic, said that it was my fault we couldn’t have sex, and broke up with me.

I: This is horrible… So, he ended things because you had difficulties having intercourse for the first time?

Eva: Yes. We were both very young; we had very little idea about our bodies. Obviously, we knew how sex works, but being unaware of our physique made it difficult. Had we known more, sex would have probably worked out. But it wasn’t the case, so he started a scandal, got extremely upset, and left me.

I: It’s common for young people not to know much about differences in shapes, sizes, etc. So, I’m not surprised you experienced issues while trying to lose your virginities. You also told me that the fall-out was even worse than the break-up. Can you tell me what happened after?

Eva: Oh, it was horrendous and scarred me for many years. Olaf didn’t just break up with me; he blamed me for the unsuccessful sex. He said he couldn’t get an erection because I made him wait for three months before having sex; and that I couldn’t arouse him enough to have sex. He said it was my fault sex didn’t work out. The worst part, though, was him telling our mutual friends that we broke up because I was horrible in bed.

I: I’m lost for words. So, not only he acted insecurely when he couldn’t have sex with you; not only he ended the relationship instead of educating himself and figuring it out together; the guy dared to blame you for the break-up and lie about you being bad sex-wise?

Eva: Yes, sounds about right (laughing). It’s awful, I know. It’s a cringe-worthy relationship story. No one should ever be in my place. It caused me an emotional trauma, and I proceeded to think there was something inherently wrong with me sexually or physically. Thankfully, I got over it. But it still caused me a lot of pain and haunted me for years.

I: I’m so terribly sorry you went through this. No one should ever be in that position, and no one should be told there is something “not right” with their physique. You two were young and inexperienced, that’s it! The guy is a morally ugly character. I think that you two breaking up was a blessing.

Eva: It surely was. Dating someone despicable like that was pain on its own. Even though I struggled with this for a while, I’m glad we didn’t stay together.

I: I’m glad too! Thank you for sharing. I hope that young women — and men! — out there can properly educate themselves on the topic of sex. First times are often awkward and unsuccessful.

Eva: That’s true; sexual education is everything. If you’re not properly educated — there is the Internet. Going to your doctor and discussing sex is also an option. There is nothing wrong with any of us. And if someone has certain difficulties and limitations, there are ways to deal with those. Your partner’s lack of experience shouldn’t be a factor in your life. It’s okay to be nervous and not know a lot about sex, but it’s unacceptable to blame others for erection issues or tell them that waiting for a few months is too long. Olaf was a great example of a partner that should be avoided at all costs.

Sex is an essential part of any relationship. Some people wait longer to engage in it; others jump into this experience right away. There is no right or wrong way to approach intimacy, as it’s different for everyone. The situation no one should find themselves in is with a person who blames them for sexual issues, physical difficulties, or any other intimacy-related problems. Sex involves two people, and all the complications should be resolved together. If a person cannot comprehend the need to act maturely and respectfully towards their sexual partner — either a current or potential one — that individual has no business having sex in the first place. They need to grow up first.

Sexual education is crucial. Educating yourself on everything related to intimacy should be everyone’s goal. Here are a few resources related to having sex for the first time:

“What happens the first time you have sex?”

“Having sex for the first time.”

“Is sex painful the first time?”

“How to make your first time not hurt.”

“26 Things to Know About Pain and Pleasure During Your First Time”