My Six-Month Experiment Without Sex
That time I challenged intimacy
Have you ever met someone you pushed away for years, only to finally give them a chance? When you do, everything flows effortlessly — from heartfelt words to electric emotions, creating an instant connection.
He wasn’t exactly my type — or maybe he was, but I wasn’t ready for him. I wasn’t mentally open to welcoming someone new into my life. I dreaded the idea of another love confession, how he spotted me from across the high school hallway on the third floor by the library, longing to speak to me.
That was more than ten years ago. I couldn’t help but smile and wonder, “Well, why didn’t you then?”
He tried to enter my life at a moment when I believed I had shut the door on love, avoiding fear, avoiding him, avoiding love completely.
His persistence was the solution to all my uncertainties. What started as daily texts turned into late-night phone calls, and my boring 9 to 5 suddenly brought excitement and anticipation, knowing he’d be waiting for me outside in his black Volkswagen, ready for another fun date.
Hooked by every word that spilled from his lips, I couldn’t bring myself to admit how much I wanted to kiss him. I’ve never been one for games, but this time, I wanted to try something different. What if I held off on intimacy for a while? What if I made him wait six months instead of following the usual dating rules?
So I did — no sex for half a year.
Even now, he teases me for being an expensive date, but it was worth it, filled with memories and shared experiences. We behaved like a couple without the official title, enjoying each other’s company.
He was patient with me, and oddly enough, that patience seemed to ignite an even stronger attraction. Back then, I was all too familiar with the “ninety-day rule” or the “third date rule.” — where you don’t have sex after the third date or after ninety days.
I won’t deny that after our third, tenth, and twentieth dates, the temptation was there — a burning desire. But at twenty-eight years old, I felt like I was hitting dead ends in relationships I thought were “the one.” It dawned on me that maybe it was time to shift my focus away from the physical and delve deeper into getting to know him more.
Surprisingly, my experiment paid off in the end. This incredible man is now my fiancé, my partner, and the father of my son, and we’re about to celebrate six years this summer.
Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs, but throughout it all, I stumbled upon a message from our early dating days — a reminder of how I’d pushed him away, fearing I was simply bouncing from one relationship to the next. Yet, during a period of separation, he sent me this text that changed everything.
I realize, after being away from you for so long, how much I truly care about you, how much I would do anything for you, how much I want to get to know you, how much I want to be intimate with you, how much I just want to laugh with you, how much I just want to sit down with you and have nothing to talk about but just to exist next to you.
Yes, I am sexually attracted to you, but that is just like the Dark Side of the moon. There are other things that make the moon what it is: the Dark Side and the sides that you can see.
Choosing to wait before having sex allowed us to develop deeper respect, love, and focus on building our relationship for the future, rather than just focusing on the physical.
I don’t usually write about sex, but when I do, I aim to spark honest conversations and stories.
