My Sex Tape Is Out There, Somewhere
I know for sure, someone has a copy
Marriage is a funny thing. Married couples trust each other fully and completely, without any doubts, because we believe it will last forever. And then it doesn’t.
But what happens to all our secrets when we pull the plug on the relationship?
In addition to being pretty great life partners, my ex-husband and I were fantastic sexual partners. We were experimental, adventurous, and uninhibited. We engaged in sex whenever and wherever we deemed appropriate, or inappropriate.
When he would come home from business trips we didn’t wait to get to the house, we’d have sex in the back seat of the car at the airport. Tinted windows should be a non-negotiable term in a good relationship.
We did it in public washrooms, on balconies of hotels, I gave him road-head on many occasions, while he was driving. There were basically no limits to our lovemaking.
One year, we chose to vacation at Disney World in Florida. We had rented a room in a mediocre hotel near the theme park, because we were budget-minded travelers. We didn’t care about the room as much as we cared about our holiday.
That mediocre hotel room became home to a never ending porn movie during the time we occupied it. It’s a wonder how we even managed to take in the magic of Disney as many times as we did, considering the amount of sex we were having in that room.
Our photos from the vacation consisted of bottles of blue Hpnotiq and Crown Royal on the nightstand, him wrapped in a towel fresh out of the shower, and a picture of some pretty bad rug burn on my knees. That was from having sex on the carpet in front of the window, facing the hotel parking lot.
One would have assumed we were on our honeymoon, the way we behaved.
We did manage to take a couple photos of ourselves on a ferry boat somewhere in Orlando, just to prove we actually went.
One night in the hotel room, we decided it would be an epic idea to film ourselves getting down and dirty. Sometimes we used porn to accompany our real-life sex, so why not create our own movie?
This was back in 2005, before smart phones existed, but since we were on vacation we had our little Hi8 handheld video camera. The kind with the flip-out display window, so we could see what we were filming.
To begin, I held the camera while his face was between my legs. I wanted full control over what was being captured. I intently had it focused in on him orally pleasuring me, and he obediently looked into the camera while he did his job.
This was a huge turn on for me, knowing I could replay this exact scene any time I wanted.
After the full-length scene of his face between my legs, we set the camera on the dresser to capture a wider angle. The entire bed was in the frame, and so we began.
Our sex life was always incredible, but there was something much more erotic knowing we were filming our lovemaking. It made us perform better. We were more aware of movements, angles, sounds, and our expressions of pleasure. This was going to be an epic production that we could refer back to, time and time again.
And it was. We later played back the video so many times that the VHS copy we made, should have either worn out or snapped. My husband and I were amazing porn stars in our own little hotel studio.
It wasn’t long after that vacation when unfortunate life circumstances led to our divorce. It was amicable but we were beyond repair and we thought it best to sever the relationship, rather than become life long enemies.
He moved out, we both moved on, and although we didn’t have much reason to contact each other, occasionally we reached out if something came up that needed tending to.
A few years after our split I received a text message from him. There were no words in the message, it was just a photo. Of a VHS tape.
At first, I laughed out loud because I knew exactly what VHS tape it was. We had only made one. After laughing though, I became a little wary. He was in possession of our sex tape and we were now divorced. Why did he send me that photo?
I hesitantly replied, “I hope you’re going to burn that thing.”
He assured me that the only reason he sent the photo was because he had just moved and upon unpacking a box, he’d found it all these years later. That gave me a tiny bit of relief, but knowing the tape still existed, and it was in someone else’s hands, was a little unnerving.
Him sending me that picture reminded me that there is another copy of our tape….somewhere. The Hi8 copy.
I remember that I kept the Hi8 tape because it was my mother’s camcorder we used on vacation. I also recalled that I had her camcorder for some time after our divorce, and I can’t lie — I watched the tape over and over again, many times after my divorce. It was a fantastic tape, how could I not watch it?
Then, a wave of anxiety and panic suddenly washed over me. I had no idea where my copy ended up. If you know about Hi8 tapes, you’d know they’re tiny. I never labeled it and now realized that I’d lost track of it over the years.
To this day I have no clue where my copy actually is. There’s a dreadful possibility that it’s in a box full of other tapes, in my mother’s house. I can’t remember if I eventually destroyed it or recorded over it, but it’s unlikely.
It probably still exists somewhere.
My only saving grace right now, is that digital has taken over the video world, so there would be no need for my mother to ever pop a Hi8 tape into her camcorder, just to see what’s on it. And if she ever tries, I hope she can’t remember how to use a camcorder.
